mhar Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 I met someone online. He was legit and then his ex came back, which is the typical story. He was with her for 5 years and they broke it off because he would not get married. That was 2 years ago apparently. We had fun on the first date. Agreed on a second: 2 weeks from our first date. (Suspicious because I felt he was already trying to mend things with her) (This was recent.) He was Greek and I am greek. We had strong physical and emotional chemistry. It took him a week to decide between the both of us. I knew he would choose her with 5 years under his belt with her. She left him. Then, after we meet, she decides to show up. I blew it and went off the deep end with the clingy. Today is day 1 of no contact. Do you think it will last with them? He wanted to be friends and I blew all chances of even that when I went clingy on him. Any chances of getting him back? Day 1 of getting off the radar begins today. Any insight? Will it work out for them? Will he come back? Link to post Share on other sites
balletomane Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 Right now you're very sore, so naturally your focus is on you "blowing it" and whether or not you'll get a second chance. Try asking yourself this question: do you want to be the fallback option for a guy who is clearly still attached to his ex, a guy whom you've only had a couple of dates with? Then, putting aside the initial strong attraction (which can cloud your logic), ask yourself what you actually know about this man. The unvarnished facts: he was dating around while actively trying to get back together with his ex, and he informed you that he was "deciding between you" as though he's at an animal adoption shelter and the two of you are just sitting there with no say, waiting desperately to learn if you'll be picked. When you're less hurt, you'll realise that this isn't an attractive picture. There's also nothing you could have done to change it. You can't engineer someone into wanting a relationship with you. Move on, and concentrate on men who are interested in you for your own sake and not as their back up option. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 15, 2020 Author Share Posted August 15, 2020 We had everything in common. Probably more so than his ex. We were both Greek. So, I get they had history. When he broke it off with me over her, he said he would like to be friends and I blew it. I blew up his phone and went crazy.:( He hasn't said stop. He just does not reply. Do you think I can get him back as a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Just let him go. He was never available to you in the 1st place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 I still liked him. It is very hard. I just want to be friends with him and he won't talk to me. I need to give him space. It was amazing. He will be back. I need to disconnect completely. His ex wanted a ring and that is why she left. I am sure she brought it up several times to him before she left. So, why didn’t he just do it?! Then, she had another guy lined up. Even then, he should have given her an engagement ring. He told me that and he also told me that he didn't want her to push but to just let it happen and not push. He said he wanted her to just let it happen. But, after 5 years and no ring and leaving him for another guy and then coming back in his life after 2 years tells me that he probably wasn’t a 100 percent into her and her other guy dumped her. She is being thrown back and forth, which tells me there is something missing within her. Whether or not he decides to engage her, 5 years is long to be with someone you don’t put a ring on. A man will know if he wants to be with a woman that is marriage worthy within 6 months. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 (edited) Forget blowing up his phone that'll pass . Best thing to do right now is just leave him be for awhile , give him time to get his head straight. Bet you hear from him in a wk or two if you just give it a rest, just see what evolves from there. But at any rate wouldn't you be hurting yourself being just friends , you obviously like him far more than just friends. The ex , l'd be thinking nope that won't work out she just hasn't met anyone else so she's clutching at straws but the old stuff will just come back for both anyway later , l'd bet it was more than just not wanting to get married too. Edited August 16, 2020 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Why would you want to be with someone who broke up with you to be with someone else? And what would be the point of being "just friends"? You know you want more. He chose someone else over you. And even when you have tried to contact him, he does not reply. He's not interested in you. Stop wasting your time with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 Thank you Chilli. Yes it will pass. Tomorrow begins day 1 of no contact. I agree with you that it won't work out if he dated her for 5 years and she left him for another guy which was s 1/2 years ago. After we started getting to know each other, she all of sudden shows up at his house. He said he needed 2 weeks to decide between me and her. He was completely attracted to me. We had fun twice. If you know what I mean. I bet she started to feel him pulling away. I need to give it time. Of course I do not want to be friends, but it is a start, especially when he said they were going to rekindle their relationship, which means start from point 0. I like this forum. Thank you!. 9 minutes ago, chillii said: Forget blowing up his phone that'll pass . Best thing to do right now is just leave him be for awhile , give him time to get his head straight. Bet you hear from him in a wk or two if you just give it a rest, just see what evolves from there. But at any rate wouldn't you be hurting yourself being just friends , you obviously like him far more than just friends. The ex , l'd be thinking nope that won't work out she just hasn't met anyone else so she's clutching at straws but the old stuff will just come back for both anyway later , l'd bet it was more than just not wanting to get married too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 10 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Why would you want to be with someone who broke up with you to be with someone else? And what would be the point of being "just friends"? You know you want more. He chose someone else over you. And even when you have tried to contact him, he does not reply. He's not interested in you. Stop wasting your time with this. Shyviolet, we were 100 percent connected. MORE than that. He wanted to remain friends and I said no and went on to blow up his phone with pictures of guys I am dating to hurt him. I tried apologizing and no reply. I think he wanted to remain friends because he may want to see me again. Anyhow, going to give space. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Don't be friends. He is with someone else. Just move on and let go of false hopes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 Thanks I have Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 1 hour ago, mhar said: He wanted to remain friends and I said no and went on to blow up his phone with pictures of guys I am dating to hurt him. Most dumpers don't genuinely want to remain friends, OP. You have realize that was likely just a platitude to soften the blow, not a sincere desire to keep a friendship going. It is just not a realistic prospect when he's dating someone else and you still have feelings for him. Whether or not they work out isn't the point. The point is that he was rebounding with you and then left you in the dust when she came back around. He had fun with you but the connection wasn't as deep for him as it was for you, I'm sorry to say. He'd be with you now if it was. It's time to let go of him. There will be other guys who are a better match and ready to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 Thanks I have Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Did you sleep with him? You seem excessively attached after a couple of dates. Never proceed with someone in the throes of an on/off relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 7 minutes ago, mhar said: Thanks I have You have what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 I did. He wasn’t with her. She showed up to his house. He told her about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 Left it alone. He was broken up for 2 years. it doesn’t matter. He will be back. They always come back to me and by then I’ll be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Ok. Don't sleep with men until you're in a relationship. Avoid becoming a Fatal Attraction case. Don't date men who talk about thier exes this much Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 I really think he will be back and when he does come back I’m going to play it cool. His parents are Greek and she is Spanish . Nothing in common Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 He didn’t . He asked me about my past so I asked too. Trust me, he’ll be back Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 No other Greek men to date in your area? Try not to turn hookups into marriage. He went back to someone he loves. You were just a stranger he had sex with. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, mhar said: Left it alone. He was broken up for 2 years. it doesn’t matter. He will be back. They always come back to me and by then I’ll be done. Don't do this to yourself. Some men come back, and some stay gone forever. Don't feed yourself these ideas. Learn to accept the truth as it is now - he's opted out - so that you don't live your life constantly waiting to one-up a man. It's not healthy. Understand too that when dumpers do circle back around, it's often not for the right reasons either (they're bored, they're having a dry spell and want attention, and so on) and they often wind up not staying back. Your argument about being from different backgrounds holds no weight either. The world is full of millions of mixed-background couples. I'm part of one myself. Obviously they have something in common if they lasted 5 years, mhar. It will be better for you to learn to accept these things gracefully rather than get self-righteous or immature about it. Edited August 16, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 I have Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Do you have multiple threads about a guy you had a couple dates with and are now blowing up his phone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhar Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 No Link to post Share on other sites
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