Second chance as a friend with him

[mhar]

Day 1 of no contact.  I need some real support here.  I feel a little urge to text him, but not as much as last week. I need to get my mind off of him. He broke it off last Sunday.  Does anyone have a funny story to tell?  

 

[d0nnivain]

Don't text him.  Delete his number from your phone.  

Go for a run or clean your house.  Do anything to keep your mind off him 

[mhar]

doing

[chillii]

l suppose what people are saying is also right but because you'd only just met and he had unfinished business, l've been there , very similar , but she waited and gave me time , ex stuff sorted itself out blew over anyway and we've been together since. Not to say though your sitch would work out the same even if he does turn around he might just do it again later butttt. Up to you.

[mhar]

Thank Chillii.  You give me hope.  I have not texted.  Doing good.  The first week of no contact is the most difficult.

[stillafool]

13 hours ago, mhar said:

I really think he will be back and when he does come back I’m going to play it cool. His parents are Greek and she is Spanish . Nothing in common

If they were together 5 years they have much in common including 5 years of memory.  Usually when people have been together that long and get back together they end up getting married.  No you should not try to wait it out for him to come back nor try to be his friend.  You will end up destroying yourself through unrequited love.  Just move on.

Edited August 16, 2020 by stillafool

[mhar]

Hey 🙏🏻 

[mhar]

I don’t think it will happen.

[mhar]

The facts are yes, they had 5 years, he didn’t wanna get married in those years or even work on it. She left him and he ran after her but she had already met someone else. Now look, if you break up because of no proposal and meet someone else and it is just the beginning, and then your guy says we can talk about marriage let’s stay together and she still breaks up, that tells me he will not change . Men don’t change. Look at John cena and nikki Bella’s situation. 100 percent the same thing. She manipulated him for an engagement ring, then a baby. Just to stick around for the sex. Then, she planned for the wedding all by herself. She broke it off. This girl is manipulating him. Even if he does give her a ring, he won’t be happy. 2 years is plenty of time and even then it takes work. Plus he’s young. He’s scared. He will find someone better. And when he does decide to come back, I will be there.

[mhar]

And his mentality is to let marriage happen without pushing. That’s what he told me. 
 

Cena and bella were together for 9 years. when cena and bella broke up, he went after her but she had already met Artem. Same exact scenario. Only bella is smarter than this other chick. This other chick can’t keep men. I look at Bella for how to date and make him commit for good. 

its a formula and he will be back.

i am dating others in the mean time

[mhar]

Cena even reversed his surgery for bella to have kids, but when she was planning her wedding and had her bridal shower there was a big disconnection. He never showed up or helped her plan. He regrets having his personal life on tv because of everything but it’s the same story. She wanted him to engage her in the ring and on tv but he said he doesn’t like being in the limelight. But he did it to keep her around for the sex. 
 

now he is with a normal girl who is middle eastern and they are happy! Middle eastern women are the best! 

This guys ex was Latina which is cool, but she won’t make him happy in the long run. His parents are old school Greeks. There is a disconnect there.

[mhar]

This guy is being played. John cena is smart! He knows after 1 failed marriage and multiple relationshipss

[mhar]

And being with the most gorgeous women in the world. The woman he is with is pretty but average which tells me sex is not an indicator of long lasting love.

 

and cena has probably had mind blowing sex with many but what keeps him interested???

 

family, educated women and highly successful. She’s an engineer. They met while she was doing security on a movie set. Not an actress or model at all.

 

and he is super hot.

Edited August 16, 2020 by mhar

[mhar]

24 minutes ago, mhar said:

And being with the most gorgeous women in the world. The woman he is with is pretty but average which tells me sex is not an indicator of long lasting love.

 

and cena has probably had mind blowing sex with many but what keeps him interested???

 

family, educated women and highly successful. She’s an engineer. They met while she was doing security on a movie set. Not an actress or model at all.

 

and he is super hot.

 

 

 

And of course I am hurt.  A week before he broke the news, he committed to coming to see me which is 1 1/2 away from him.  Then, I bought stuff for the visit.  Intimate stuff, plus food, etc.  He loves food.  He needed time to think, so whatever.  And then I blew up his phone. I am 9 hours in to not even a text or call, so I know I am feeling better.  He will start looking for me like they always do on social media, phone call, etc.  It will be a large pill for me to swallow.  In the beginning, I wasn't attracted at all.  Then, I met him, and even then, I have been with more attractive guys.  But, it was the deeper connection we had about writing and books and culture and religion and the physical part was awesome! So, thats what tells me he will re-connect at some point.  As of now, I am casually dating other guys.  Model types.  I am okay.  They are just dating multiple women but they tell me and there is open communication. And we remain friends and benefits.  Not like this other jerk.  

She might have cried to him begging him.  He is a fool and very insecure.  All of the attractive men I know never go back to their exes and if they do, its because they find out about me (someone better).   So, that tells me is decisions are not driven with brains, but with some immediate satisfaction. She also probably lives closer to him and she is younger than me (baby potential).  Yeah, I get it.  

All I wanted was to reconnect with him as a friend and develop it from there. 

I know some of you are hurt too but it is important to build each other and give everyone hope for whatever the future holds.  Help others move on.  Don't break them even more then they are broken with (move on, blah blah). People know to move on. But keep their spirits up.

Ciao!

Edited August 16, 2020 by mhar

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh dear.

John Cena has nothing to do with this. You cannot arbitrarily draw parallels between your situation and some random B-listers, mhar. You don't know them, despite the way you write about them. The same goes for the dynamic between this man and his ex - you have no clue what the real story is or how they are together. 

I know you want hope and don't want to hear people tell you to move on, but you're losing touch here. Have you shared this with your friends and family? What do they suggest you do to cope? 

[mhar]

I am coping, my way.  Moving on.  Thanks! 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, mhar said:

I am coping, my way.  Moving on.  Thanks! 

A doctor could help you cope if becoming angry and obsessed after 2 dates is causing you this much pain.

It's not really about this guy or that celebrity. It's about being unhappy and making believe he will come back because you got attached through sex and your perceived cultural connection 

If you want to date Greek men start going to Greek church, social clubs events and find online cultural groups.

Edited August 17, 2020 by Wiseman2

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, mhar said:

I am coping, my way.  Moving on.  Thanks! 

You're not moving on if you're trying this hard to convince yourself he will come back, and trying to apply a random celebrity story-line to your personal life. 

This is the sort of thinking that leads you to do things like blow up his phone and send pictures of other guys to make him jealous. It's not working for you. It's a knee-jerk reaction to the pain of rejection, I realize, but creating a fantasy around it isn't healthy either. It's not coping, but a refusal to accept reality. 

If it were working for you, well, you wouldn't be here. Just something to think about. 

[mhar]

I posted that this afternoon.  I am processing the stuff being posted here.  Thanks!  

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, mhar said:

I am processing the stuff being posted here.  

That's good. 

Within a couple months, this guy will be a blip on your timeline and he won't matter to you anymore.

[curlygirl40]

On 8/16/2020 at 1:40 AM, mhar said:

 He wanted to remain friends and I said no and went on to blow up his phone with pictures of guys I am dating to hurt him.  

I tried apologizing and no reply.  

 

Oh my goodness.    He is thinking that he dodged a bullet with you.   That's what he's thinking.    

[mhar]

I really don't think he was dodging bullets.  I think before we even matched on bumble, he was trying to rekindle things with her. He met me and we had fun! But, with 5 years under his belt with her, and his feelings for her, it was done.  

So, I am done.  If he does decide to hit me up again, I will probably blow him off.  He had a bit of a gut anyway.  I was more attractive.  I liked him because he was greek and fun to talk to.

[mhar]

He told me after she left him, he was trying to fix things but she had already had someone lined up.  So, his ex's boyfriend probably dumped her and she came weeping back.

I wanted to develop things with him.  I was just excited!  I know one date does not stick.  You need memories.  I get that.  I was just excited! You know, the kind of excitement you feel when you meet someone new and fun and there is chemistry.  That is pretty normal.  The bad part was blowing up his phone and getting upset.  I am not jealous, just pissed off.  It is not easy dating and finding a connection.  Back out there in the dating game.  Yippee! lol! I wish all of you well in finding or rekindling love lost.

Take care.

Edited August 18, 2020 by mhar