comolaflor Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 (edited) Hello, New here… I just needed a place to vent. My husband and I have been married for about 4 years now (but we’ve been together for about 6 years) and I am pretty much done with the marriage. I pretty much have made up my mind that it is over and don’t even want to consider marriage counseling. I feel like I’m past that. I just wanted to ...I guess... understand if I’m overreacting, have too high of expectations, or if I’m completely valid in my unhappiness with the marriage. First of all, he doesn’t seem interested in sex. Sex is especially important to me. And when we do have sex, it is so … bad. I hate it. He can’t last long. What makes me more resentful is that he doesn’t try to work on the issue. He isn’t trying to take care of himself physically or address whatever it is that might be contributing to this issue. We both did gain some weight after having our child but I am making efforts to maintain a healthy lifestyle with exercise and a balanced diet… I even managed to lose 15 pounds even though I’m nowhere my goal but still I’m trying. However, he never tries. He isn’t trying to take care of himself, cut back drinking which I think contributes to the problems of our sex life or lack thereof, he isn’t trying to go back to school… I went back to school to get a better job and to get us back in a better financial situation and it’s been 4 years but he hasn’t done anything. I signed him up for college, but then he never follows through. He said he would go back to school once I graduated but still nothing. He works mostly part time jobs also to make matters worse and to my frustration. When he does take on extra responsibilities, he seems to mess even those little things up. He’s forgetful, he’s unmotivated, he has no schedule… wakes up whenever and then just crashes whenever wearing the clothes he wore all day without brushing his teeth…. He just doesn’t act like an adult and I’m just exhausted. I feel like I’ve been doing the heavy lifting these past years and don’t know why....I have a professional career and busy with that..I When I met him, I was a lot younger and dumber and now just want different things and have changed a lot… he just hasn’t grown up. Sorry for the rambling and typos but just needed somewhere to get things off my chest. I’ve told him these concerns but he is in denial. I overheard him telling his therapist over the phone that things are great between us ... he even came out of the room and ask me if things were better and I told him no and he thought I was being funny...and I have no idea why he would say that..we argue all the time. He is so dense, I keep telling him how unhappy and unsatisfied I am. I asked if he would be interested in separating and he said absolutely not. He loves what we have he says. Edited August 16, 2020 by comolaflor typos Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Sounds like you just don't want to be married to him. However, you don't really need to convince yourself by making him out to be something you didn't know he was. All the stuff you've complained about you knew before you married him. Usually when someone comes here with this type of post there is a third person involved. Im not really getting that from your first post, but still asking are you interested in someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Consult with an attorney to see what your options are in divorce and what your next steps should be. Also get to a therapist privately and start to unpack and sort out what you want to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Contact Al-Anon for support. You are trying to make a drunk into a decent partner. That is not going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 As you already know... the time for a marriage councilor is past. If you wanted any chance of that working... you should have gone to one years ago. You are mentally just done... and that's what you need to do. Be done. The longer you dwell in this stage... the more hurt there is for everyone involved. So... go see a lawyer, and file. I know that is cold, and hard... but honestly... I wish that's what my exW would have done. The worst thing she ever did to me, is make me believe there was "Hope". For 6~7 months... I tried to figure out where her anger was coming from... and all I got was contradictory information. The stress level in our house was high... and my kids did not need to be put through it. Since he is a drinker, and since it sounds like it may be excessive... you can't cure that. Don't be angry... that will not accomplish anything. Call a lawyer today, make an appointment as soon as possible, and get things rolling. I wish you peace in moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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