Today is his birthday....

[LostEvent]

Well how did i get here...

Let me tell you my story briefly, if i can..

I fell in love with a man i truly feel like i could have spent my life with, we had so much fun, we had the same interests and we had so much passion. 

When we met we lived in different countries ( neighbouring countries so not hard to see each other), almost a year into the relationship i moved to his country because i received a new position with my job and of course i also accepted the position partially due to him living there. 
We did not move in together at this time. 

At this point we started seeing each other pretty much every week, he is a pilot so sometimes he didn’t fly from my city so it can be hard to meet. 

Anyway, 1 year in to the relationship (1 year ago now) i found out on my birthday that he is married.. Not from him but from his wifes comment on instagram since he had his bday two days before mine.. 

Truly my heart broke.. but of course he told me that he was trying to tell me and that he wants to leave her but do not know how.. (he is married to a relative 🙄 so not so easy to leave when WW3 will be inevitable within his family). He told me his wife was his sister this whole time just fyi..

Well 1 year has now passed since i found out and im sure you wonder; why didnt you leave him? I didnt leave because i love him and he has been actively planning to leave her, so i have kind of sat put to see if he will and because i am so drawn to him. He actually received work in another country which was his way out but then came Covid-19, aviation industy is Obviously at a stand still so that went down the drain. 

In May i started feeling so horrible, i am making myself go mad.. i can’t stand him being at home anymore, i am angry and argue with him all the time because i feel so truly horrible inside. 
So in July i put my foot down and said its enough. Because thats how i feel, he is treating me bad, he is narcissistic, manipulative, turns things on me etc.

Example: i havent seen him since april 6th, ive asked him every other week to come see me, to meet me somewhere. Well now when i spoke to him after i broke it off, he said he never got the feeling i wanted him to come, that he was going to come. And this he tells me after he has heared me cry in pain on the phone begging to see him for over 4 months..

He turns things on me so i will feel bad.
but still i can’t stop feeling like he does it because he feels so bad himself.. 

i am truly struggling because it is so hard to have to leave someone you truly love, someone you do not want to leave. I know i need to let it go but i have never struggled this hard. 

And today is his birthday! Am i supposed to not wish him a happy birthday? 

[NC-Thomas]

No replies so far! So here is mine:

I cant really make good sense of your situation, try sticking more to the point and using clear chronological paragraphs. Maybe youll get more replies then too!

It all depends on how your current relationship with him is, but depending on your post i'd say you haven't accepted the break-up completely.

My advice: do not contact your ex, its just a breadcrumb for him and it will set you both back in your healing progress.

[d0nnivain]

On 8/16/2020 at 2:37 AM, LostEvent said:

He turns things on me so i will feel bad.
but still i can’t stop feeling like he does it because he feels so bad himself.. 

i am truly struggling because it is so hard to have to leave someone you truly love, someone you do not want to leave. I know i need to let it go but i have never struggled this hard. 

And today is his birthday! Am i supposed to not wish him a happy birthday? 

Turning things around so you feel bad when it's his fault is called gaslighting.  Look it up. 

You say you love him but you have to love yourself more.  Why do you want to settle for a liar & a cheat.  He didn't tell you he was married.  He told you his wife was his sister.  He breaks his marriage vows.   All in all he's a louse.  

You haven't seen him since April  You have know he's been sleeping with his wife all that time.  You put your foot down in July.  Good for you.  Now leave it down.  Stick to your guns.  

You know you need to let it go so let not wishing him a happy birthday be your 1st step.  

Edited August 19, 2020 by d0nnivain