Fb cheating

[Jessicajones84]

Hi all,

I'll try to keep this as short as poss.

I love(d) my boyfriend so much. He supported me through the grief of losing my father. We had such a beautiful love story. I never thought that I could feel this way about someone - basically all the clichés.

I went out to work in another country and he came to visit me. I just knew that this was going to be something big. 

Anyway my dad died and that hit me pretty hard. My boyfriend really pushed us to live together and I decided to accept. However, 7-8 months in, I find out that he's messaging another woman on FB. I was so shocked (still am) and moved all my stuff out. We've not had any contact and it's nearly 4 months later. I can't seem to get over this and it really hurts. Honestly I've tried everything. I don't check his social media or anything. I don't look at pictures. I've started exercising and have lost nearly 50 pounds which I put on after my dad died. I got a new job and have joined dating apps.

I still can't seem to move on from this sadness. I miss him so much. I can't believe I ended up meaning so little to him. He has made no attempts to see if I'm OK. Just continually watches my insta stories. After everything we went through I can't believe he through it all away for a few fb messages. 

 

Can some men give so much and end up feeling so little? 

Edited August 16, 2020 by Jessicajones84

[Wiseman2]

How long were you dating? Get to a doctor about your grief.

[mark clemson]

On 8/16/2020 at 3:26 PM, Jessicajones84 said:

 I don't look at pictures. I've started exercising and have lost nearly 50 pounds which I put on after my dad died. I got a new job and have joined dating apps.

I still can't seem to move on from this sadness. I miss him so much. I can't believe I ended up meaning so little to him.

Possibly he simply knows he blew it and that you wouldn't tolerate what he was apparently attempting to do and so sees this as a "lost cause". Alternatively, possibly he believes you overreacted (although if he actively hid the FB communications from you, then presumably not, as he knew it was wrong). Possibly he's been around the "cheating" merry-go-round before and so his reaction is tempered by (intellectually) assessing your reaction.

It sounds like you are doing the right things. Sometimes you have to simply let break up blues (possibly limerence, don't know) take their course. It should fade in time. IF it's limerence (I'm not saying it is, but it might be) then that will presumably take longer to fade, but it should eventually. IF your breakup blues have possibly morphed into clinical depression, or you feel this is a self-esteem issue, you should strongly consider seeing a therapist.

Ultimately, closure and a return to psychological normalcy come from within (assuming no chemical imbalance or very long-standing issues). However, sometimes it helps to get a little support, e.g. from a therapist to help with that.

[FudgeSwirl]

First of all I am so sorry for the loss of your father and then having to go through a break-up months later.  

Did you ever talk to him about the the girl on FB or did you just leave him without saying anything?

You are definitely doing all the right things.  While the ends of relationships, particularly ones that last a while and seem to be heading in the direction we wanted, are painful with no outside factors I would say that your difficulty to move on from your sadness stems from him having been the one that was there when your father died.  

You should remove him as your Instagram follower so you don't have to keep guessing why he looks at your stories.  Also, keep up with the exercise because it releases endorphins, hang out with your friends, make sure you get me time, and don't give up on the dating apps even if you just "browse" until you are emotionally ready for a date with someone.