Was it my fault?

[Throwawaypetals]

I was sexually assaulted last year and I was dealing with a lot of backlash from people that defended him. I broke up with my boyfriend that year because I was a mess but he still stayed by my side.

I met a guy that year and we became friends. He quickly opened up about his past to me; he said he was betrayed a lot and that a lot of girls went against him in the past. He said he’s schizophrenic and that the stress from the drama and people betraying him gave him dementia. He is only 22. He said he forgets people’s faces and names and he said he has amnesia. 

Since he opened up to me about so many things, I opened up about my assault to him. I talked about how people were defending my rapist... he just brought up his own problems and started talking about how girls and people betrayed him and accused him of being predatory. It felt like he was constantly talking over me, or trying to one up me. Sometimes I would say something and he would just ignore it and talk about something else. 

A month later, I was going through a hard time with my trauma and I hurt myself. He found out about it and he was supportive. When I got out of the hospital, I was still an emotional mess. We messaged on snapchat and he said he feels like I’m drifting away from him. Then he started claiming that his “demon” is taking over him, and he started messaging me as his “demon.” He would say things like “I’m going to hurt him, he’s mine, his body is mine now, I want to hurt all your friends, one day I’ll make you hate him.” 

I wasn’t sure if this was a schizophrenic attack, because he claimed that he was having a schizo attack before this? But I am not sure if this is how schizo works. I tried to talk to him calmly but I was busy. When I said I have to go, he says “Okay I’ll give him back to you now, it was fun playing.” and he “switches” back to normal and claims to have not remembered what just happened.

I was feeling really emotional for the next few days because of my assault and he was just so angry with me all the time... And then he cut me off on Christmas. He quickly moved on to a new girl and turned her against me...

It hurt but I moved on. I eventually got back together with the boyfriend I vroke up with because he was always there for me through what I was going through after my assault. I told my boyfriend what this friend did to me and he got angry and confronted him about it. Then he turned everyone against me, said that my boyfriend and I were harassing him... and he published a song about me, singing about me lying to him about my assault, and using him as a “pawn.” I didn’t lie about my assault... it hurt so much. There was a time he tried to have phone sex with me and I ended up crying. In the song he says I was a chore to him. He even made posts in a public thread calling me a sociopath and a liar... and he called me miserable and that i need to learn how to be more positive.

Eventually the new girl left him.

This was back in January and I am healing from my assault, him, and I am still with my boyfriend... but sometimes i feel confused, I feel like maybe I really was a chore and I didnt support his schizophrenia enough. but at the same time I feel like he lied about alot of things, like his dementia, and all his stories about how he dealt with murderers, serial killers, and had alot of friends commit suicide, and how girls hurt him. And his song hurts me the most. It shames me and my assault in every way possible...

 

 

Edited August 18, 2020 by Throwawaypetals
Edit

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Throwawaypetals said:

I was sexually assaulted last year and I was dealing with a lot of backlash from people that defended him. I broke up with my boyfriend that year because I was a mess but he still stayed by my side.

I met a guy that year and we became friends. He quickly opened up about his past to me; he said he was betrayed a lot and that a lot of girls went against him in the past. He said he’s schizophrenic and that the stress from the drama and people betraying him gave him dementia. He is only 22. He said he forgets people’s faces and names and he said he has amnesia. 

Since he opened up to me about so many things, I opened up about my assault to him. I talked about how people were defending my rapist... he just brought up his own problems and started talking about how girls and people betrayed him and accused him of being predatory. It felt like he was constantly talking over me, or trying to one up me. Sometimes I would say something and he would just ignore it and talk about something else. 

A month later, I was going through a hard time with my trauma and I hurt myself. He found out about it and he was supportive. When I got out of the hospital, I was still an emotional mess. We messaged on snapchat and he said he feels like I’m drifting away from him. Then he started claiming that his “demon” is taking over him, and he started messaging me as his “demon.” He would say things like “I’m going to hurt him, he’s mine, his body is mine now, I want to hurt all your friends, one day I’ll make you hate him.” 

I wasn’t sure if this was a schizophrenic attack, because he claimed that he was having a schizo attack before this? But I am not sure if this is how schizo works. I tried to talk to him calmly but I was busy. When I said I have to go, he says “Okay I’ll give him back to you now, it was fun playing.” and he “switches” back to normal and claims to have not remembered what just happened.

I was feeling really emotional for the next few days because of my assault and he was just so angry with me all the time... And then he cut me off on Christmas. He quickly moved on to a new girl and turned her against me...

It hurt but I moved on. I eventually got back together with the boyfriend I vroke up with because he was always there for me through what I was going through after my assault. I told my boyfriend what this friend did to me and he got angry and confronted him about it. Then he turned everyone against me, said that my boyfriend and I were harassing him... and he published a song about me, singing about me lying to him about my assault, and using him as a “pawn.” I didn’t lie about my assault... it hurt so much. There was a time he tried to have phone sex with me and I ended up crying. In the song he says I was a chore to him. He even made posts in a public thread calling me a sociopath and a liar... and he called me miserable and that i need to learn how to be more positive.

Eventually the new girl left him.

This was back in January and I am healing from my assault, him, and I am still with my boyfriend... but sometimes i feel confused, I feel like maybe I really was a chore and I didnt support his schizophrenia enough. but at the same time I feel like he lied about alot of things, like his dementia, and all his stories about how he dealt with murderers, serial killers, and had alot of friends commit suicide, and how girls hurt him. And his song hurts me the most. It shames me and my assault in every way possible...

 

 

It would be better to confide in your doctors and therapists than people with psychotic disorders 

Step back and focus on your physical and mental health.

[d0nnivain]

This guy had a lot of problems  You two formed a fragile bond over your shared trauma but his left him damaged & paranoid.  At a point when you needed love & unconditional support but instead got him & his problems.  Eventually his needs & his issues caused him to have this break from reality. 

It was not your fault.  You never had the ability to fix him 

[emprosnet7]

You should seek a therapist to deal with your trauma, don't try to get over it with a boyfriend. No boyfriend knows how to help you. After that you should find other guys, there are billions of people in the world !