I betrayed my girlfriend

[Jm1993]

I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, I love her with every inch of my being. But about 2 years ago I worked for a company. I had previously worked for this company but left about 1 year before, for people that are wondering I was a head chef in a chain of restaurants, I left the first time because of the intense stress. About a year passes and the manager of the establishment rang me to offer me a job back there. My role was a roaming sous chef, I would travel the whole of the south west working in kitchens that needed my help! Let’s just say I hated it but the money was great. I wasn’t happy. Anyway, my manager phoned me and told me he needed me to take over a kitchen. So I did what he asked and I worked at the restaurant for about 4 months. My worst experience I’ve ever had in a kitchen. Early starts late finishes and everything in between. I wasn’t happy in fact I was depressed with my life. my relationship with my partner was not great, I wanted to breakup with her. And then this was where the biggest mistake of my life happened. I had met a girl there, she was weird but I got on with her. While this happened I had told my current girlfriend I didn’t want to be with her anymore and I wanted to break it off, after that I didn’t see her for about a week but there was texting involved with her. Back to the weird girl, in this week things change drastically, I told this (weird girl) I was depressed, we ended up messaging and for some reason I still can’t get my head around, I told her I loved her! In this week we met up a couple of times sat in my car listened to music and talked, we did end up kissing but that’s as far as it got. There was nothing sexual other than kissing involved. This girl had planned a travelling trip to Thai land, I’m not going to lie I was happy she was leaving I felt relieved about it. A couple of night before she was set to leave I met up with her, we were up until early hours of the morning listening to music in my car talking. Little did I know my current girlfriend was trying to get hold of me to tell me she was at mine. I got home and she wanted to know everything I told her what happened. I wasn’t truthfully honest about the whole thing to her, and over the past 2 years she has found more stuff out. She now knows everything. Since then we moved in together. But now she is having trouble with the whole situation, and now she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me, she resents me. I broke her heart and I want to fix it. She is 29 and I am 26. I really want us to work I love her with all my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with her! I know people say once a cheat always a cheat. It’s not true, I never want to put her or myself through this horrid time again. I really don’t know what to do or how to win her trust back, I even told her she had a free hall pass but she would never be disloyal to me. It breaks me to know I’ve killed apart of her inside. Please help I can’t love her!

[kenmore]

You screwed up. It's over. Let her go. Learn from your mistakes, but this was no mistake. You just did what you wanted. Now pay the price.

[Wiseman2]

Why did you move in together if she has all these doubts?

[Springsummer]

confused. Did you have sex with the girl or not?

[schlumpy]

If your GF leaves, it will be because you were not honest with her from the beginning and took your cue from the cheaters handbook on minimizing and trickle truth. It's always the cover up that does it. 

[neowulf]

Imagine you have a beautiful, antique vase.  It was made many years ago.  It is a one off.  It can't be replaced.

Now imagine you knock that vase off the table and see it shatter into a million pieces.

That vase if your relationship.

You can't go back.  Sure, you try and "patch" the vase, but it will never be whole again.  It will always be damaged.  Always broken.

If you love your girl, really love her, then let her go.  You had your chance.

Remember that broken vase for next time.   Life doesn't owe us second chances.

[elaine567]

On 8/19/2020 at 4:22 AM, Jm1993 said:

I really don’t know what to do or how to win her trust back, I even told her she had a free hall pass but she would never be disloyal to me.

You will never really win her trust back as A)you broke up with her, B) you cheated with another girl and C) you told that girl you loved her and D) you spent 2 years lying about it all to your gf.
Neowulf is right your relationship will always be damaged, she resents you, she doesn't trust you and your "love" is useless to her. 
Cheating takes about 5 years to get over and that is with counselling. Married people have  a good reason to stick around, usually kids and assets, but your gf has no reason to stay and one day it will get too much and she will leave, or she will continue miserable, upset and angry for the foreseeable.
This is not really only about "Will you cheat again?", this is about what you did, what you felt, and how easily you ditched her for that other girl.
it is ruined.You can't  rewrite history, you can't fix it. 

[gamon]

Not seeing betrayal here. You broke it off with your girlfriend before getting involved with the new chick.

She might not trust you because you expressed doubts in the relationship and took it even further and got into it with some other girl, but over time she'll probably settle down.

 

[FudgeSwirl]

The only thing that is not clear is whether or not you had officially broken up with your girlfriend before kissing that other girl.  

If you hadn't broken up with your girlfriend while being with that other girl, she has every reason to mistrust you.  Some people do take cheaters back but most understandably don't.  

If you had broken up with her just for a short period of time during your time with the other girl, your girlfriend has every reason to not want to be with you because you of your ability to rebound so quickly.  The wrong on your girlfriend's part is that she moved in with you after finding out everything.  It was impulsive because rather than process what you told her and think about what you did she let her heart control her actions without checking in with her mind.

You made a mistake and while it's unfortunate you have to let your girlfriend go if that is what she wishes.  At least you know for future relationships that you have to really think things through before wanting to dump somebody and that being unhappy at work means an unhappy mind that can taint your feelings about things as small as how you want to spend your day off and how you feel about people in your life.