Got in a physical fight in school...

[jesusfist]

hmm i read all these posts and from my opinion, taking into account i was bullied or picked on physically and verbally in early high school, the best course of action is to warn the person causing you trouble and tell someone of higher authority like a teacher. sometimes this works other times the person will just keep drilling you in which case you equal what they do to you. This is exactly what i did which resulted in a small scuffle where the bully learned i could easily defend myself and from that day i've never been picked on again because people know i dont take crap from others.

 

i think something along the lines of "throwing the gum back at him and saying i beleive this belongs to you" wouldve be better.

 

oh and thats the only physical argument i've ever been in, i dont aprove of violence but you have to defend yourself when required.

[littlekitty]

The fellowship of abused midgets.

 

I'm in!!

 

I generally was found hiding in the toilets or down the end of the play field having a fag....!!!

[Nocturnal]

Outcast, obviously you've been living in a cave your entire life or you went to a school in utopia. 'Walking away' is the worst advice people can give, and I've learned this time and time again via experience. The problem is, the people who do these things often switch moods very fast, so if they're laughing at you first, if you step up to them chances are they'll go angry. Because the fact of the matter is, they rarely realize they're pissing people off, so when someone doesn't give them time or if they step up to them without the violence, they either want to do more to get the reaction or they'll get angry because you got angry as if you started it. I've seen it happen time and time again. I've gotten into fights because I tried to walk away, it simply does not work. Walking away is as much of an insult as bumping into them to show your annoyance.

 

'It's only gum' -- no it's not only gum, the gum represents so much more than the object it is in the context that it exists. If I walk by a girl and grab her boobs, is that bad? Yes, it is, because I invaded her personal space, I did something without her consent. The same applies here, throwing something at someone is disturbing their personal space, and as a person with long hair, someone's gum is the last thing I want thrown at me due to what it can do to my hair.

 

I tend to avoid fights and resolve much by talking when it works. Do you know what that gave me last time? An achey jaw for a week and a scar on my forehead because saying "Sorry, my bad" and "I don't want to fight" when I accidently danced into someone at the dance floor obviously didn't paint the picture clear enough for those people, instead I felt 3 punches land on my face and I was laying on the floor bleeding.

 

The best way of self defence? Strike first, strike hard, and make sure they don't do think about doing it again. It's animalistic, yes, but it's the only way, unfortunately. People who function with their reptilian brain alone do not understand reason.

[d'Arthez]

'Walking away' is the worst advice people can give, and I've learned this time and time again via experience. The problem is, the people who do these things often switch moods very fast, so if they're laughing at you first, if you step up to them chances are they'll go angry.

True, for the last part. But if you hit them, repeatedly, you have a chance of 100% of making them angry. And without doubt FloatOn may face this guy time and again, as the scores have to be evened, at least in the perception of the other guy. By the other guy himself, or in cooperation with a few others. Fighting 3 to 1 is not necessarily excluded now - that is a relaxing thought, is not it?

 

Because the fact of the matter is, they rarely realize they're pissing people off, so when someone doesn't give them time or if they step up to them without the violence, they either want to do more to get the reaction or they'll get angry because you got angry as if you started it.

If you assume something like autism operating, do a read on that, and on how to approach autistic people. Getting violent with them never makes them understand your issues with them.

 

'It's only gum' -- no it's not only gum, the gum represents so much more than the object it is in the context that it exists. If I walk by a girl and grab her boobs, is that bad? Yes, it is, because I invaded her personal space, I did something without her consent. The same applies here, throwing something at someone is disturbing their personal space, and as a person with long hair, someone's gum is the last thing I want thrown at me due to what it can do to my hair.

Sticking gum on someone's face normally does not constitute a sexual act (as boob-grabbing is). Unless of course on of the persons has a fetish for that. However, that does not seem to be the case.

The whole consent argument is far from conclusive. Do you freely and willingly consent to the idea of tests by your teacher? No. The tests are givens. Nothing to consent for. You let a lot of things happen to you, without you having given consent for that. Does that mean you can do whatever you want, if something happens without your consent?

Showing your face in my personal space (everything I see) is also a disturbance of my personal space. Does that give me the right to molest anyone? I hope not.

 

I tend to avoid fights and resolve much by talking when it works. Do you know what that gave me last time? An achey jaw for a week and a scar on my forehead because saying "Sorry, my bad" and "I don't want to fight" when I accidently danced into someone at the dance floor obviously didn't paint the picture clear enough for those people, instead I felt 3 punches land on my face and I was laying on the floor bleeding.

 

The tactic of avoiding fights worked for me. I only got in 1 fight, and I could not avoid that, from the ages 12-18 [the fight was 1-on-1, with 20+ friends of his around]. Either I walked away, or I used the part of my brain to keep quiet, or in case of an insult come up with a good retort, if perceived necessary. If you claim to have a brain for reason, use it. Idiotic notion, I must admit - why not use your reptilian brain instead?

 

The best way of self defence? Strike first, strike hard, and make sure they don't do think about doing it again. It's animalistic, yes, but it's the only way, unfortunately. People who function with their reptilian brain alone do not understand reason.

You could strike everyone on the dance floor, but I have the idiotic perception no one will be left to dance with you. Strange is not it? But why do you bother to go to a club to dance, if there are only reptilian-brain functioning humans around?

[Devildog]

I generally was found hiding in the toilets or down the end of the play field having a fag....!!!

 

You do realize that tobacco rolled in paper are called cigarettes over on this side of the Atlantic? Fag is more often used as a derogatory term for homosexual males.

 

Just want to make sure you were down at the end of the field smoking and not partaking in sexual activitites with someone who probably was uninterested in your feminine charms.

 

But yeah, my opinion is the OP was justified in standing up for himself. Perhaps he went a bit far. He should of just got up in the guys face, gave him a look. The guy probably would have backed down while making some show of acting tough. Or it would have eventually gotten to a physical confrontation. Either way, he won't be picked on by this guy again, and he won't be afraid to stand up for himself in the future.

[littlekitty]

You do realize that tobacco rolled in paper are called cigarettes over on this side of the Atlantic? Fag is more often used as a derogatory term for homosexual males.

 

Just want to make sure you were down at the end of the field smoking and not partaking in sexual activitites with someone who probably was uninterested in your feminine charms.

 

Bugger... must remember to watch my terminology so as not to confuse you lot over there!!

 

For all those who are now wondering about me.... I'm pleased to confirm I was indeed smoking away quite happily and not trying to force myself on a gay male school mate...!!!

[Outcast]

In his adult life, he is always in fear when a confrontation ocurrs because he never fought back and believe me, the way you deal with issues when you are growing up is the way you deal with them in life.

 

You entirely miss the point. Walking away does not indicate fear; rather it indicates that one is neither fearful nor bothered by the stupid actions of others. It indicates indifference, which is the most mature of all possible choices in such circumstances.

 

You are quite right when you say that

the way you deal with issues when you are growing up is the way you deal with them in life

; if you make a practice of responding to minor slights with hostility and violence, you will end up a hostile, violent adult. On the other hand, if you learn to slough off such things, you'll grow into a mature, self-actualized human being.

[FloatOn]

if you make a practice of responding to minor slights with hostility and violence, you will end up a hostile, violent adult. On the other hand, if you learn to slough off such things, you'll grow into a mature, self-actualized human being.

 

Not true... I could of kept hitting the kid when i was down but i chose not too..I could of got his friends suspended too. I was already getting suspended so why not make the other two get suspended too? I could of dragged them into the fight.. but my chances were 2 on 1 with the other kid already down i would of gotten a couple hits on me too.

 

And like I said before... just because i taught the kid not to be an ass isnt going to make me a mass murderer when i grow up. Im not going to go beating down people a daily basis because little things. You act like its the only thing that pissed me off ever happen to me. Its not... Iv got basketballs thrown at me... tackled in football when its 2 hand touch, and all this i let go. Of course i said something back, but that person didnt take it to another level like this kid did.

 

They chose not to hit me because i dropped there "friend" in like 20 seconds. And I figured they wouldnt want to get suspended either. If you are an involved in a fight at my school you are automatically suspended for 10 days even if you didnt touch anybody.

[lindya]

They chose not to hit me because i dropped there "friend" in like 20 seconds. And I figured they wouldnt want to get suspended either. If you are an involved in a fight at my school you are automatically suspended for 10 days even if you didnt touch anybody.

 

Just for a minute, forget about what anyone else thinks of all of this and concentrate on whether you are completely happy about the way you reacted here. You posted about this for a reason, presumably you wanted people to respond...and I'm guessing that you didn't want a whole load of responses that just said "Good on ya for sticking up for yourself, FloatOn. he won't be hassling you again in a hurry."

 

Or did you?

 

I can't help but think that if you were 100% happy with the way you dealt with this, you wouldn't need to get affirmation from other people that what you did was reasonable under the circumstances. If you were faced with a potentially troublesome situation like this again, is there anything you would want to do differently?

[SmoochieFace]

Gum-Flipper fully deserved his ass-whupping. He had it coming to him when he decided to be a dumbass and do what he did.

 

Now... if I was Float-on... this is what would be running through my head right about now...

 

If he's smart - which he probably isn't - Mr. Gum-Flipper won't repeat that stunt again with me. Otherwise, he can expect another ass-whupping - with a few extra goodies thrown in for good measure.

 

And to the one who attempted to link this 'standing up for yourself' behaviour with a lack of dating success - that's a crock of *beep*. Case closed.

[lindya]

Now... if I was Float-on... this is what would be running through my head right about now...

 

It would be more useful to hear what FloatOn himself really thinks about what he did.

 

And to the one who attempted to link this 'standing up for yourself' behaviour with a lack of dating success - that's a crock of *beep*. Case closed.

 

It depends. Some females are attracted to violent males. It's debatable whether a man who gets involved with that type of woman can really be described as having "dating success". As they say, anyone can get laid if they lower their standards enough.

 

FloatOn can continue to tell himself that he did the right thing here, and you can encourage him to do so...but it won't teach him anything of value. If he were a few years older, he wouldn't be looking at a suspension from school here. He'd be looking at getting fired from his job.

 

I do agree that ignoring people who want to engage you in conflict can, in an unhealthy environment, result in other people seeing you as an easy target. Someone they can humiliate or vent their spleen on without any consequences. Clearly being that person in High School would be an absolute nightmare for anyone.

 

Whoever said they would have flicked the gum back and said "yours" - I liked that. It's not conflict avoidance, but it's not over-reacting either. It's calmly and symbolically letting them know "I don't want your s***. Take it back". That struck me as a realistic and measured response for a teenage boy who has to cope with the jungle of high school on a daily basis.

[SmoochieFace]

Your opinion is just that - an opinion. It may work for you but that certainly doesn't mean that it will work for everyone. Everyone is different and every situation is unique so don't even attempt to generalize things here.

 

Violent males? Oh please, just because a high-schooler decides to give a bully some well-deserved medicine does not automatically make him a 'violent' person. We ALL have the ability to be 'violent' when the situation calls for it and that is an ability that shouldn't be suppressed. It just may come in handy sometime.

 

Here's one for you. If someone breaks into your house and tries to steal what is yours are you just gonna sit there and wimpily allow him/her to do it by saying "Stop that!"? Or "I'm gonna tell my Mommy on you!"?

 

Or would you take action instead of just being passive?

 

I'm getting really tired of this 'trend' that glorifies 'turning the other cheek'. I think it is yet another symptom of the *Pussification* of society that says that it's okay for men to not be men. All this PC rubbish, emasculation of men, this metrosexual garbage, etc. Yeah, I guess FloatOn should be 'nice' to that moron, huh? Yeah, that's real helpful advice now, isn't it? *sneer*

 

Let me tell you something. I was bullied a few times while in school. Yeah, I 'took' it at first but it wasn't working for me. Eventually, I fought back. I never felt so good in my life when I trashed the bully in the locker room after Period Seven. Was I messed with after that? No way.

 

Now this was back in the days when the TV ran ads for the Jhoon Rhee Karate School... their theme was "nobody bothers me"... now with all this New-Age PC crap going on if a kid used karate on a bully he'd probably get arrested! Arrested for standing up for himself. What does the 'injured' bully get? Mollycoddles and other soothing *beep*!

 

What backward times we live in these days...

[Outcast]

What backward times we live in these days...

 

Yes indeed. One would hope that a supposedly 'civilized' society would have long moved past physical violence as a solution to problems. Sadly, it seems, it will never happen.

[lindya]

Here's one for you. If someone breaks into your house and tries to steal what is yours are you just gonna sit there and wimpily allow him/her to do it by saying "Stop that!"? Or "I'm gonna tell my Mommy on you!"?

 

I don't think you really read my post, did you? It's about taking a measured response. Defending yourself without going OTT about it.

[SmoochieFace]

Oh please, physical violence... the bully got an ass-whupping... quit trying to make it look like he was put in the ICU, for God's sake. He didn't get shot, he didn't get knifed, he didn't even get a swirly... jeez.

 

Oh, the poor bully, let's all feel so sorry for him!

[lindya]

Oh please, physical violence... the bully got an ass-whupping... quit trying to make it look like he was put in the ICU, for God's sake. He didn't get shot, he didn't get knifed, he didn't even get a swirly... jeez.

 

Oh, the poor bully, let's all feel so sorry for him!

 

My purpose in posting was to try to get FloatOn to reflect on what he did with a bit of honesty and objectivity. To encourage him to take a balanced, mature approach, and maintain a bit more self control next time.

 

You obviously have your own thoughts on this. I've no interest in changing your views, but I very much doubt your expression of those views will help FloatOn. After all, that sort of thinking has resulted in him getting excluded from school....and it's the sort of thinking that, if unchecked, can result in people getting excluded from society generally.

[Lil Honey]

I'm all for self-defense. I wouldn't think twice about killing someone who was harming my family.

 

There are varying degrees to standing up to someone. Unfortunately, some of those degrees can result in someone getting shot or knifed. In this day and age, people find their self-respect behind a pistol or a knife. And because of shoddy parenting (to say the least) kids get ahold of weapons and take them to school.

 

I know that didn't happen in this case, but who's to say that one of the people here won't bring a weapon at a later date to "even the score"?

 

So, on one hand I agree with you SF, because decades ago, a fistfight would have settled something. Today, a gunfight does.

 

Unfortunately, fighting it out or walking away isn't going to make the anger go away between the two people. And possibly even more important is how to get people to just leave each other alone.

[Outcast]

And possibly even more important is how to get people to just leave each other alone.

 

Which is why this broken record advocates that if stuff like this happens, you just 'fageddaboudit'. Let it go. Do not dwell. Do not take it to heart. Ignore it. It's nuts to let stuff bother you - anger is literally poisonous to your body so it's not smart to allow stupid trivial things to disturb you enough to make you angry.

 

Just. NOT. Smart.

[Lil Honey]

Finally getting around to reading all the posts . . .

 

I'm just flabbergasted that anyone could get in a snit over gum. You do realize it's just gum, do you not? I mean are you paying attention here?

 

The offender didn't kill his parents. He didn't stab him. He didn't steal his car.

He flicked GUM!

 

I am incredulous that anyone comprehending that it was just gum could actually still argue for this is all. Boggles my mind.

 

 

I'm just wondering . . . was it just gum?

[FloatOn]

Whoever said they would have flicked the gum back and said "yours" - I liked that. It's not conflict avoidance, but it's not over-reacting either. It's calmly and symbolically letting them know "I don't want your s***. Take it back". That struck me as a realistic and measured response for a teenage boy who has to cope with the jungle of high school on a daily basis.

 

Your joking... Like im going to pick up the gum that was in his ignorant mouth and throw it back at him...

 

I do have doubts about what i did... I dont care much that I hurt him, i regret doing it because of my school work and i could lose some credits and possibly drop my grades.

 

I just wanted some opinions because I wanted to see if anyone ever got caught in a situation like this and responded like i did..

 

anger is literally poisonous to your body so it's not smart to allow stupid trivial things to disturb you enough to make you angry.

 

Ok sorry to say but i dont think think when anyone is angry there going to think "Oh god... i heard anger lowers life expectancy by 5%, i better stop." and stop their emotion...

 

Im not syaing emotions cant be controlled... Everybody does it... Its just too an extent. You cant possibly forget about something 100% if somebody were to cause some conflict, it just doesnt work that way..

 

If you were faced with a potentially troublesome situation like this again, is there anything you would want to do differently?

 

If it was the same kid id probabbly give him 2x harder beating. If another person.. i couldnt tell you.. it depends on the persons reaction, and if he came and hounded me like the other kid did. If i say something the back and the person decides to get physical... ill get physical... if its a verbal thing.. ill simply flip him the good ol finger and just be on my way.

 

I think if the person isnt going to physically do anything to you there just showing off, all say no do, ill blow em off. But like the kid who came behind me and played tug of war with my shirt... threatened me, so I returned the favor.

[whichwayisup]

I do have doubts about what i did... I dont care much that I hurt him, i regret doing it because of my school work and i could lose some credits and possibly drop my grades.

 

If there ever is a next time and you feel the situation getting out of control, maybe stopping and thinking of the consquences : your grades, credits and reputation. Depending on what grade you're in, it will affect you further down the line, college/universities etc...know what I mean?

[Lil Honey]

It would be more useful to hear what FloatOn himself really thinks about what he did.

However, it IS okay for Smoochie Face to post an opinion. Correct?

[lindya]

I just wanted some opinions because I wanted to see if anyone ever got caught in a situation like this and responded like i did..

 

I'm embarrassed to say yes - when I was in my early teens. I was brought up in a household where discipline fairly frequently involved loss of temper and an inappropriate level of physical chastisement.

 

Losing control of your temper can give you a feeling of great power when someone larger than you is abusing that strength. It can intimidate people who may, up to that point, have believed you were a pushover...and I know very well, that when you blow at someone who's trying to bully you there's a major rush of adrenalin from seeing them back right off. Ultimately, though, it's a cop-out.

 

As I graduated towards my mid-teens and beyond I became pretty absorbed in the whole psychology underlying violent behaviour...how it's learned through imitation, and what methods people can use to resolve conflict without resorting to violence. I used that learning to reason with my pretty fiery-tempered father. It's from that experience that I know you can't just walk away or shut out other people's desire to take things out on you. You do have to confront it....but if you confront it in a violent manner, you only accelerate it, and the spiral of violence goes on and on.

 

It's so easy to feel strong and powerful as a result of losing your temper...but it does so much damage. It's harder by far to confront someone calmly but assertively than it is to either lash out in fury or run away - but if you can learn to do that then you'll get a lot more respect in adulthood.

[lindya]

However, it IS okay for Smoochie Face to post an opinion. Correct?

 

Of course, but the placing and wording of his post suggested that it was a response to a post I had addressed specifically to FloatOn.

[Lil Honey]

No one has control over the "placing" of the posts. When I post my view on something, it lands where it lands. I don't wait around to see if someone specific answers a question in a previous post. *shrugging*

 

Okay, that's enough for me. Have a good night "y'all."