Above 30 year Age Gap Relationship, I want to hear your story :

[marikrissa]

Hi guys! Since I have just been into an age-gap relationship, I just want to hear your thoughts/stories about 30-year age gap relationship :) Problems you've encountered, similarities with your partner,  the things as a couple you both enjoy the most, etc. Thank you :) <3

[Wiseman2]

You need to decide for yourself what issues you are having. A survey won't tell you anything about you and your hypothetical question.

Who is older and why are you dating?

[marikrissa]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to decide for yourself what issues you are having. A survey won't tell you anything about you and your hypothetical question.

Who is older and why are you dating?

He is older. I dont have any issues and this isnt a survey. The reason why I made this content is because I want to hear different stories from couples who are in the same situation as mine. 

[Wiseman2]

You never met. Are you looking for marriage or money? 

[scooby-philly]

Thirty years is A LOT. I'm 39 and had an 18 year age gap for 2 years. Even if you're mid to late 20's to early thirties - he'll be about to retire soon and you'll be working for a long long time. (If he's super rich I wouldn't condone this only because money tends to ruin the age gap thing, and it's tough enough already). I learned the hard way, through a totally broken heart, that they don't work out because as others will tell you - at that point...you're in totally different stages in life. I mean, even if you're 24 and he's 54 and in great shape, healthy, moderately successful, etc., etc. what happens in 15 years? You'll be in the prime of your life sexually and he'll be 69....... Just saying. Take it from a guy who's tried to play with fire and got burned - it's not worth it.

[BaileyB]

I would never have a relationship with a man who is thirty years older than me, especially if it’s long distance. Sorry, just being honest. 

[bobjon]

Ah man!  All I want to know is what drew you to him? It could be important for me later in life to know how much I will have to pay.  Is he sending expensive gifts already?  A car?  I am interested.  I would probably be happy with a 20yr gap, but I think you need deep 9 figures to do a 30yr gap.  

[Caauug]

You are in a LDR with someone 30 yrs older than yourself. Be very careful, and do not invest to much of yourself into him until he has proven to you that you are not just a dream to him. I would hate for him to string you along on promises for a few years and waste your time. Old men like to think they can still pull young chicks, maybe they can, but can they still keep them or do they really want to keep them?

10yrs difference in ages can be huge.... 30yrs is an OMG!!!

Is he coming to you or are immigrating (being sponsored) to move to him? There is a big difference on who is moving and what you are willing to put up with... 

If he is coming to you, in the Philippines he will have next to nothing invested and can jump on a plane and skip out rather quickly. "Leaving you holding the bag" or your family if you decide to have one with him. Trying to get money out of him to support the family would be impossible in most cases.

If he is planning on sponsoring you, to go live with him in his country. He has to put up a lot more with visas and contract obligations etc. He can not just up and kick you out and leave you destitute in most cases. He will have to support you to some degree until he can prove you have other means of supporting yourself or you leave the country. Lots of things to consider here.... Can you be duel national of both countries? How long before you can take on citizenship there? What happens if there is abuse? What would happen if he died before you could get citizenship but you had children to him born there? Find out as much as you can about immigration to his country and what happens when things go pear shaped. The answers in most cases will be different depending on his countries laws. 

All I can say is "Good Luck" to you both.

[Azincourt]

I'm only in my 30s.

Biggest age gap has been like she's 20 and I'm 30+. 

I have no idea how people can date someone who is old enough to literally be their grandfathers and grandmothers.

 

[Angelle]

My sister married a guy who is 25 years older than her, and he is a douche, who also hit on me, when they'd been together for a few years (and sleeping together for two - she was staying with him for months at a time). 

[central]

30 years is a lot, certainly.  I have known a couple of people who were in such large gap relationships, and they appeared to work out - at least for now.  Who knows if that will continue in 10 or 20 more years, as their differences due to aging will become very pronounced.  I dated a 27 years younger woman for over 5 years, and we had a solid relationship during that time, and are still friends.  Eventually I had to move away, and she wanted to continue with her great job, but I introduced her to a good friend of mine (who is a little younger) and they've hit it off and are happy together too.

[Veronica73]

I haven’t been in a 30 year age gap relationship. But when I was 23 or so, I was in a relationship with somebody who was over 25 years older than me (but not quite 30). It was gross and seriously messed-up. Hello Daddy issues.

[scooby-philly]

Really, 30 years? I personally know a few couples with 10, 15 years at tops, that worked out till the end (of one of them). Now, maybe I'm jaded by my experience, which I shared above....but anything above 15 - you're now talking about generations, not years. Like 40yr old and 55 yr old...okay....that's fine. But imagine a 50 yr old (gender doesn't matter) with an 80 yr old? Another thread I just saw on here around the same topic, a woman says she's in a yr age gap and she's now 71 and he's 32. Sorry - but to me, that's not only gross but it's also like - at 40 he's going to be helping her with a walker or cane...yuck. I'd say the same thing of a 32 yrd old woman with a 71 year old man. I believe, like in most things in life, that there's no one answer for everyone and I'm not opposed to age gaps in theory or practice, but really, above 15 years....that's just insanity to me (having tried it my damn self)....particularly if the younger party is under 25/27 years old. Just my two cents though.

[elaine567]

6 minutes ago, scooby-philly said:

Like 40yr old and 55 yr old...okay....that's fine.

But it is not really fine though, in 5 years he is 60 and she is only 45, When he is 70 she is only 55...
Ageing can amplify the age gap and expose deep rifts and incompatibilities. at 55 do most women really want to be living with a septuagenarian? I guess not.

[scooby-philly]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

But it is not really fine though, in 5 years he is 60 and she is only 45, When he is 70 she is only 55...
Ageing can amplify the age gap and expose deep rifts and incompatibilities. at 55 do most women really want to be living with a septuagenarian? I guess not.

Oh - don't get me wrong....I'm not even saying 15 years is great....but I know couples with 8-12 and it works out fine. Yeah - experience (and finally my common sense once I was clean from the last relationship) tell me when you get beyond 13 - yeah - those types of things can (not necessarily will) be an issue or a problem or just a drain - on the relationship. I think 8-10 is fine. 15 - only if the really think about that...and really...only if they met much younger. I doubt a 50 yr old woman wants to date someone 65 if they're both single at those ages lol. But 30? Jesus. That's past old enough to be my father to people may mistake them for my grandparent lol.

[elaine567]

I knew a couple with a large age gap. She was in her twenties and he was in his 50s when they got together. People were always mistaking her for his daughter.
In fact she was younger than his kids.
He was a fit and active guy and they suited one another well, he was young at heart and she was an old soul. All was great until he started ageing, he went downhill and then he got dementia and she became his carer until he died.
I thought it was sad as without the age gap they could have had another 30 years together...

[scooby-philly]

19 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I knew a couple with a large age gap. She was in her twenties and he was in his 50s when they got together. People were always mistaking her for his daughter.
In fact she was younger than his kids.
He was a fit and active guy and they suited one another well, he was young at heart and she was an old soul. All was great until he started ageing, he went downhill and then he got dementia and she became his carer until he died.
I thought it was sad as without the age gap they could have had another 30 years together...

To me, those two statements I highlighted are the crux of age gap relationships. Now, I'm not talking 8, even 10 years. But when you start talking 12, 15, or more...then those are the scenarios that you run into as you so eloquently explained. The question that both parties have to consider is......what are you willing to put up with? I mean, it's easier said than done because we can't really look into the future from an emotional or truly cognitive standpoint and as much as we deny it, we can't really "understand" something until it happens. I think especially for women as the younger party they really have to stop and say - am I willing to endure x to enjoy y. Like if they met and she was 30 and he was 50....is she willing to enjoy 15, maybe 20, maybe 25 good years and then age really sets in. She's now 55, he's 75 and he's in diapers and she's still an attractive female who has physical and emotional needs that he can't meet anymore....Hence, and I learned this the hard way personally, don't go more than 10-12 years, especially if the other part is under 27 or so.

But....we need to encourage those 8-12 year gaps more - because as you said....it's not age but temperament, outlook, etc. that define compatibility. 

[travsrt8]

I personally know of someone with a 50 year age gap. They met 11 years ago and after keeping the relationship a secret for a year he divorced his wife of 45 years to be with her. They are still together and live together but are not married. He was really active outdoors but with age he now uses a cane (89) and she (39) takes care of him pretty well it’s just really awkward when see them together. The guy has grandchildren her age. Overall they both seem happy but It broke up his family with his kids picking sides over it. Some of his kids don’t associate with him at all anymore when he is with her. For example if there is a party he is invited but his girlfriend is not. The ex wife is now 83 and hasn’t met anyone else just lots of traveling and whatnot. It’s really awkward at big weddings when everyone is together with the siblings sitting with one of the parents and the grandchildren roaming between the 2 grandparents. No one calls the girlfriend grandma lol.