I begged my ex to come back. She gave me the cold shoulder and laid down the law.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, html5lffy said:

 she said “I was sad and you were sad. I was ready to talk things out but then you got angry & demanded answers.” 

I’m going to therapy tomorrow and will be trying my best to change as a person and depend on my own happiness not her. 

Excellent. Don't contact her. If she wants to reach out and talk she will. You need to stop chasing, smothering, etc.

[html5lffy]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Excellent. Don't contact her. If she wants to reach out and talk she will. You need to stop chasing, smothering, etc.

Amen. I think this is certainly headed in the right direction. She and I are no contact for the next 14 days to few months. I won’t contact her until I know I can’t hurt her anymore. She said she is writing a song about her emotions right now. Also a plus. 

[html5lffy]

We hung out tonight. She was bringing my suit buttons to me & I asked if she wanted to talk for a little bit. She agreed. So, we talked for about 30 minutes. I made her laugh. She maintained really good eye contact. She seemed really happy to see me and we got along well. 
 

she asked if I wanted to get food with her. So we got Taco Bell. Hung out for an hour total. She had to go to do her homework...initiated hug on her way out. 
 

funny how confidence works. I wasn’t begging, crying or doing anything to push her. Just talking with her and she seemed receptive. 
 

twke this as a lesson - no one on here truly knows what’s going on to make proper judgements. Everyone is different. 
 

she still played the “in your next relationship do this” card. I think she’s playing hard to get or is still scared to get in a relationship to not be hurt. 
 

So, I’ll keep y’all updated. But tonight was a win. I’ll be able to finally sleep tonight. 

[CTAtlanta]

1 hour ago, html5lffy said:

We hung out tonight. She was bringing my suit buttons to me & I asked if she wanted to talk for a little bit. She agreed. So, we talked for about 30 minutes. I made her laugh. She maintained really good eye contact. She seemed really happy to see me and we got along well. 
 

she asked if I wanted to get food with her. So we got Taco Bell. Hung out for an hour total. She had to go to do her homework...initiated hug on her way out. 
 

funny how confidence works. I wasn’t begging, crying or doing anything to push her. Just talking with her and she seemed receptive. 
 

twke this as a lesson - no one on here truly knows what’s going on to make proper judgements. Everyone is different. 
 

she still played the “in your next relationship do this” card. I think she’s playing hard to get or is still scared to get in a relationship to not be hurt. 
 

So, I’ll keep y’all updated. But tonight was a win. I’ll be able to finally sleep tonight. 

Glad you'll be able to sleep tonight.  Wish I could do the same...

My 2 cents...be really, really, really guarded.  Just because you finally met, talked and had a laugh doesn't mean you should let your guard down.  You've been hurt and now it feels great to see "hope" and light at the end of the tunnel.  I have no doubt you practically skipped home and were elated; however, now is the time to be more cautious than ever.  She might start chatting with you, letting you think you're "working things out" and then do it again.  Then you back to square 1 and in an even deeper rut.  It will hurt even more.  I'd still do NC and let her continue to reach out to you.  In fact, if she contacts you again and asks if you want to hang out...say you'd love to, but you can't because you're busy. Then ask her, "How about we hang out next week?"...and you pick the night.  Don't make yourself available at her every whim.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, html5lffy said:

She still played the “in your next relationship do this” card. 

Yep, you are in the friend zone 100%

You need to let go.

[T99]

On 8/25/2020 at 3:18 PM, html5lffy said:

Will do. We talked earlier today and she said “I was sad and you were sad. I was ready to talk things out but then you got angry & demanded answers.” So to me it seems she was lying to me before. She does still care about me. And I think she still does love me even though she said otherwise. I’m not going to hold my breath but I’m going to therapy tomorrow and will be trying my best to change as a person and depend on my own happiness not her. 
I told her I may contact her in a couple weeks or a few months. Once I’m healed I will talk. 

This is a massive hint as to how you should be dealing with this, staying calm and listen (ie don’t speak when she talks to you, listen!), do not show constant sadness, show calmness and pursue the other things in your life. Causing drama and stress are your enemy right now - they equal negative feelings. Stop apologising, giving answers, saying how much you love her, doing over the top gestures, saying how you will change etc - that has the opposite effect right now as it causes PRESSURE 

[html5lffy]

49 minutes ago, T99 said:

This is a massive hint as to how you should be dealing with this, staying calm and listen (ie don’t speak when she talks to you, listen!), do not show constant sadness, show calmness and pursue the other things in your life. Causing drama and stress are your enemy right now - they equal negative feelings. Stop apologising, giving answers, saying how much you love her, doing over the top gestures, saying how you will change etc - that has the opposite effect right now as it causes PRESSURE 

She said last night: “im really proud of the progress you’ve made as a person, i’m glad you’re in a much better head space” out of the blue. Didn’t text her after we hung out - she did first. So I think this is a positive sign. We discussed everything she seeks in a relationship as did I and I showed her how I’ve made improvements on myself and even said “not to sound like a dick, but this breakup was actually important to happen for me to improve on myself!” 
 

She wants to buy my Apple Pencil - should I say “instead of paying me - just buy me dinner” ?

[T99]

1 hour ago, html5lffy said:

She said last night: “im really proud of the progress you’ve made as a person, i’m glad you’re in a much better head space” out of the blue. Didn’t text her after we hung out - she did first. So I think this is a positive sign. We discussed everything she seeks in a relationship as did I and I showed her how I’ve made improvements on myself and even said “not to sound like a dick, but this breakup was actually important to happen for me to improve on myself!” 
 

She wants to buy my Apple Pencil - should I say “instead of paying me - just buy me dinner” ?

If I was you I’d give her the pencil, ignore the dinner. Stop chasing her. 
 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, html5lffy said:

She wants to buy my Apple Pencil - should I say “instead of paying me - just buy me dinner” ?

Ask yourself this:

Let's say she bails again. Would you still feel comfortable having asked her for dinner in exchange for an Apple Pencil? 

Edited August 27, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[elaine567]

Trouble is that all this change, all this niceness, all this talking does not rewrite history.
That is the problem.
She decided she was done months ago and that is unlikely to be reversed.
I have been the dumper, I have been friendly and open and chatty, even mildly flirty with exes, but I have never changed my mind...
 

[html5lffy]

7 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Trouble is that all this change, all this niceness, all this talking does not rewrite history.
That is the problem.
She decided she was done months ago and that is unlikely to be reversed.
I have been the dumper, I have been friendly and open and chatty, even mildly flirty with exes, but I have never changed my mind...
 

Hmm. I think it’s still possible. We will see. 

[assertives]

Heh. I actually thought that felt like friendzone too. Things are cordial, friendly and nice because there is no more pressure or expectations one would have of someone when in a relationship, getting along is alot easier and fun. Sounds like she sees you as a friend now and no longer a romantic partner.

[ExpatInItaly]

Guard your heart here, OP. 

A lot of dumpers, particularly when they're young and inexperienced with love, will continue to do what she's doing: looking for attention from the ex they've just dumped. It doesn't always mean a reconciliation is in the cards. Dumpers need to learn to live as single people too, and some rely too heavily on their ex to ease the transition for them. They're familiar, and they're usually still nurturing hope so they'll respond if the dumper comes calling. 

What frequently happens is that the ex gets their hopes up, only to be hurt that much more when the dumper fades out again or re-iterates that the relationship is over. Anything is possible, but I would strongly advise you to manage your expectations on this one. (ie. keep them very low)