Blosom Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Ok.. Long story short.. P.S don't laugh I didn't use spell check We have been together for 8 years..he is the love of my live...I adore him and we have a good relationship... I want to get married ..when I ask what he wants he says the same thing..I say great when? He says he doens't know.. FACTS I am 30 want to start having babies He still lives at home..oh by the way he is 36 We both have great jobs and do well finaciancially. what the heck is he waiting for..when I ask him he says he doens't know.. he says it's not you? NO **** it's not me... Help... i am starting to resent this relationship because i feel like i am going nowhere with him..I can't wait because i have waited too long... when i tell him this he says.. don't worry it will happen.. i want the same things too.. I left him almost 2 years ago..dead end relationship.. he came to me and said you are the one blah blah... i do beleive him because we are soo good together..etc etc.. he said he wanted to marry me etc etc...well it still hasn't happen??? What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
xXSURFAGEXx Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 I think that he's not ready for this.Sure you two have lots of money,but he's just prepared for it.Give him time.If he dosen't accept this till 40 just say do you want to be married? Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 I think that he's not ready for this.Sure you two have lots of money,but he's just prepared for it.Give him time.If he dosen't accept this till 40 just say do you want to be married? Wait another 4 years till he is ready? When she is 34 ad wants to have kids? You're obviously not aware that women have a biological clock ticking and till 35 you're ok, after this you need to start worrying about your fertility and conception. Also you have been together for 8 years and still haven't considered moving in together and he still lives at home? Are you sure he's not a mommy's boy? Link to post Share on other sites
jenaipher Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 You sound like this book I've been reading. You should pick it up. It's called "Maybe he's not that into you". You should consider this title for your life. If he really does love you, he'll marry you. Chances are you should leave his butt and find someone who will be so worth it. If you do get married later down the road, he could end up leaving you for someone else. Don't let him do that to you. Leave now and look for the right guy who can't wait to marry YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
jiminycricket9 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Blosom- Oprah did a show once "Are They Going to Marry You Or Not." If you can find the transcripts do it, and yes, they are worth paying for if neccessary. I haven't read the Just Not Into You book but I'd imagine it might target a bit of the same things. From 19 - 30 years old I was with my ex. LONG ASS TIME, with not even a promise ring. Ugh. At break-up I was 30 and he was 33. We lived together about 8 of those years. To make a long story short, because he was a drunk, I left him in 1998, ironically a month before he was to use his vacation check to finally buy me that holy grail of a ring he promised for 10+years. I'll never know, but I think in our case waiting would have worked, but because I had to wait I was resentful. My college roommate and her boyfriend have now been together for about 7 years. He's now 38, she 39. They have lived together for about 5 years. 2.5 years ago they bought a house together. Roommate has been talking about marriage for at least 6 years and initially would say she would not live with the guy until he married her. Just before that she had broken off with a fiancee' who she had only dated a 1.5 years before his proposal. I don't know why her boyfriend lags. They need to get hitched. I don't know where it'll go but my secret opinion for her is that she shouldn't wait this f-ing long. One of my best friends has been with her boyfriend/fiancee' since she was 20. She is now 37. They got engaged 5 or 6 years ago. No wedding date has been set, but in their case both of them seem to be stalling. Of the two, it seems like my friend is just as "procrastinating" as he is. Point is- if you really want it, don't let them lag too long, and if they really want it too, they will get off their ass at least after some dramatic coaxing. IMHO Guys take us for granted too easily and if they are that sort of guy who dreams and dreams and has all these dreams but waits for it to be perfect because struggling for it is too inconveient, then they need to know that it's not fair to make us wait. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
seahorse Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Ok, going to stick my cynical divorcee nose in and say, why bother to get married??? Ask him if he wants to have children with you. Yes or No? If he says Yes, then chuck away the pill packet/condoms etc. If he says No, then leave him again and stay away this time. You're 30, and your fertility is dropping now. His sperm isn't as good as when it was ten years ago. Not sure EXACTLY what his problem is, but he's comfortable at home and you've got no more time to waste. Tell him that. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I think the idea about the kids is good, but not out of marriage (since it seems that you want marriage). Tell him you'd like to have kids NOW. If he is okay with it, tell him that you want to get married first and try to set up a date for a wedding. If he procrastinates and prolongs the process, leave. If he loves you and can't live without you, he will look for you in no more than a few months. But you have to stop all types of communication and not even answer his phone calls or emails. I believe in your case it's just about pushing him a little. In any case, if you leave him and he doesn't care - then I suppose you don't want to be married to him anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Just to give you some examples of what people do when they are really into each other and are not afraid of commitment: One of my friends who had been dating his girlfriend for a bit more than a year is going to marry her in two weeks. She's from Asia and he lives in Europe and I assume they have been in a long-distance relationship all this time. Another friend of mine also married her boyfriend after living with him for a year. They had known each other from work for another year and after starting to date they moved in together pretty quickly after a couple of months. Maybe this is an American thing, but in Europe moving together does not indicate that you will never get married. And people do not have to date for decades till they are ready to talk about an official announcement of their relationship. I won't say though that I'd bet money on these marriages as I'm not sure if my friends made good choices, but only time will tell... Link to post Share on other sites
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