Re: winning a girl's heart

[micky]

alan,

 

I am in much the same situation, but unlike you I have not had the nerve to tell my friend that I'm in love with him. I'm not even sure if I am. All I know is that he's my soulmate. I admire the stand you took in telling her. It's a shame she doesn't feel the same way. I have a friend who was in exactly the same situation a year ago. He and his best friend have now been together for six months. He simply continued to be the best friend possible to her, and eventually she came around. I know it seems like three years should have been plenty of time for this to happen, but maybe not. The only advice I have to offer is to go on treating her "good as gold" and be there for her when she needs you. Don't put any pressure on her and try to force her to share your feelings. If it's going to happen it will sooner or later. She won't always be looking for big jocks. Sooner or later she's going to realize that the best things don't necea

[tee]

I'm 20 and I have a really good friend who's

18, and female. I have known her for over three

years and I have been in love with her since day

one. She's absolutely beautiful and refreshingly

humble about it, but she does get the attention

of every guy around and she dates a lot, but not

me. I have made my feelings known to her and she

insists that although she's flattered, she just

doesn't feel that way about me and loves me as

a friend only. She says that I just not her type,

but I think I know what that means...looks. I

am admittedly not good looking, but the main problem

is that I am very skinny. I'm 6'2" and only

137 pounds. She goes for much larger guys with

big muscles and I've heard her telling her friend

on the phone that she likes guys a lot bigger

than her. She's 5'7" and a very athletic

140 pounds. I'm a toothpick next to her, and I'm

the only guy she knows that she can beat armwrestling(which

she does pretty easily), so I 'm no turn-on to

her. It kills me to see her with other guys, and

I treat her like gold, but it does no good. Advice?

my advice is to stay a good friend to her some of the best realationships start from a very strong friendship she may realize that some day and off you two may go

[Robert]

Alan

 

It seems as if you have a very good friendship with this woman. You share many things. I feel that if things are going to happen they will. Yes it is hard to handle as you at this time want more then she is giving. But I think that the friendship is very important. We do not get many opportunities to have really true friends in life if this is truly one of those chances do not push her too hard or you will scare her off and that will be worse for you then the current situation. If there is any chance for more then just friends you might have to make a choice #1 can you wait and see or #2 should you move on. But before you move on(if you make this choice) think about the friendship. Hope things work out for you.

micky, Thanks for responding. I guess you understand what it's like then. I feel the soulmate thing too, and the funny thing is that she says she feels we are too, except as friends. She considers me to be her best friend. She tells me everything. We do everything together and go everywhere. Now, we have even been roommates for the past nine months. She borrows my bed (when I'm not in it), she wears my clothes (except I'm so skinny most of my shorts and jeans are too small for her) and she cooks for me and washes my clothes for me. We're really, really close, but she just won't see me as anything but her best pal. I have never been able to gain weight, but I am thinking of maybe trying really hard to build up some. She playfully teases me about being stronger than me, comparing our arms to show hers are bigger or telling me I have "skeleton legs", but maybe if she didn't see me as some weak boy, something might change in how she feels. Or maybe I'm silly to try that. I don't know. Anyway, I wish you luck with your guy.

[Red Dorito]

Alan, consider yourself lucky for the things you have. You have a fantasic friendship, which sounds similar to a lot of bf/gf relationships and even some marriages. I would value a relationship like that very much myself. I wonder if you're glamourizing her a bit more than she deserves, however. If I knew a man felt about me the way you do about her, I would feel terribly guilty rejecting him, and then going on to be close to him, live with him, and be as intimate (the clothing, cooking, etc) as she is with you. It almost sounds like she's playing with you and leading you on. If you're happy with this situation, keep it up and we both can hope one day she'll change her mind. But perhaps you should think about your self-esteem, and look for a woman who will love you for what you are, not in spite of it. You don't deserve to be called "skeleton boy" by a woman you profess to love. I understand it's done in good nature, but that is a poor joke for someone who is obviously sensitive about his weight. There are plenty of women who like lanky, slim men, and you already have the friendship with this lady. Be her friend, but go where there is some respect to find love.

Alan It seems as if you have a very good friendship with this woman. You share many things. I feel that if things are going to happen they will. Yes it is hard to handle as you at this time want more then she is giving. But I think that the friendship is very important. We do not get many opportunities to have really true friends in life if this is truly one of those chances do not push her too hard or you will scare her off and that will be worse for you then the current situation. If there is any chance for more then just friends you might have to make a choice #1 can you wait and see or #2 should you move on. But before you move on(if you make this choice) think about the friendship. Hope things work out for you.

[alan]

Thank you, Red Dorito. I appreciate your advice and the sensitivity you showed giving it. I am way too in love with her to let it go, at least for now, but I will keep in mind what you said. You are right, I am lucky. We are very close. I have had VERY little success with any other women as well, only having two actual dates in my life and being turned down by many, but I am good to those I care about and one day maybe that will pay off, hopefully with this one, because I adore her. I may be weaker than the men she likes, but I know I treat her better, and hopefully that will someday be more important. Thanks again.

Alan, consider yourself lucky for the things you have. You have a fantasic friendship, which sounds similar to a lot of bf/gf relationships and even some marriages. I would value a relationship like that very much myself. I wonder if you're glamourizing her a bit more than she deserves, however. If I knew a man felt about me the way you do about her, I would feel terribly guilty rejecting him, and then going on to be close to him, live with him, and be as intimate (the clothing, cooking, etc) as she is with you. It almost sounds like she's playing with you and leading you on. If you're happy with this situation, keep it up and we both can hope one day she'll change her mind. But perhaps you should think about your self-esteem, and look for a woman who will love you for what you are, not in spite of it. You don't deserve to be called "skeleton boy" by a woman you profess to love. I understand it's done in good nature, but that is a poor joke for someone who is obviously sensitive about his weight. There are plenty of women who like lanky, slim men, and you already have the friendship with this lady. Be her friend, but go where there is some respect to find love.