Logo Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 What are some red flags to look for to identify a serial dater? Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 I assume any decently attractive, single woman with an extroverted personality is a serial dater. None of those are red flags, since serial dating is perfectly fine in my book. But I've learned, from experience, that attractive, bubbly women aren't the ones to get invested in. Not for me, anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 30 minutes ago, Logo said: What are some red flags to look for to identify a serial dater? What exactly is a serial dater to you? with females they don’t want yo settle, they have unrealistic aspirations, you have a freak date, thry still next you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 (edited) Well, years ago I went out with one guy. He admitted that he was on a dating site for 11 years. Had countless one or two times dates. Never went any further for him. He said that he is searching for "the one." Apparently, 11 years and countless dates and no "the one and only" in sight. Never been in a long term relationship. Yes, I wasn't the one for him either, lol. Oh, yes, I still see him on the dating site. What? Only 5 or 6 more years later. The guy is a perfect example of a serial dater. Sure, he wants to settle down at some point, or so he says, but do you believe it will ever happen? Doubtful that he will ever stay with any woman for long, even if he manages to find his ideal. But till it happens, he will go on dates with different women again and again and again. He messaged me on a dating site, couldn't even remember me. He is not a terrible guy but has somewhat unrealistic expectations that no woman can live up to. Edited August 26, 2020 by Alvi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 9 hours ago, Logo said: What are some red flags to look for to identify a serial dater? Chronic presence on several dating apps. Lack of LTRs . The bottom line is if you are seeing someone and it's not what you want, don't waste your time, regardless of thier history. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 Are you asking how to avoid serial daters or how to avoid people with a high turnover of sexual partners? Your question can be read both ways unless it's a given that dating equals sex. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 10 hours ago, Logo said: What are some red flags to look for to identify a serial dater? Don't worry about it, you will soon find out when she dumps you after a few short weeks... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted August 26, 2020 Author Share Posted August 26, 2020 (edited) 55 minutes ago, schlumpy said: Are you asking how to avoid serial daters or how to avoid people with a high turnover of sexual partners? Your question can be read both ways unless it's a given that dating equals sex. How to avoid serial daters. I met someone, they showed up to every date, but they were emotionally miles away and never initiated contacting me. The dates were long and things were going ok. But I was doing all the work. Since I felt it was off, I pressed for an explanation. All I got was a bs answer that made no sense. I know for a fact they are not multi dating. So that’s not it. Edited August 26, 2020 by Logo Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 Don't chase uninterested men You're using the term "serial dater", but the real issue is this particular guy was just not that interested Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 11 minutes ago, Logo said: How to avoid serial daters. The only way I can think of is experience. With experience you can spot patterns and behaviors that add up to "date and dump" but you will have to get slapped around a bit before that experience sets in. You could reduce your risk by using those dating sites that have a reputation for sincere people but I'm sure there are predators luring even there. It's the real world. Link to post Share on other sites
primer Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 I know a guy that has been OLD for years. He talks about female friends he has all over. Even when he goes on vacation he meets women in other states. To me, he is a serial dater. I told him I was not interested in dating him because he has women all over the state and country. He was fine with that and we remain good friends. (After I told him I did not want to date, I figured I would never hear from him again.) Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 1 minute ago, primer said: (After I told him I did not want to date, I figured I would never hear from him again.) You might change your mind and the effort to stay within range isn't that much. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 3 hours ago, Logo said: How to avoid serial daters. I met someone, they showed up to every date, but they were emotionally miles away and never initiated contacting me. The dates were long and things were going ok. But I was doing all the work. Since I felt it was off, I pressed for an explanation. All I got was a bs answer that made no sense. I know for a fact they are not multi dating. So that’s not it. Well, using online dating apps will expose you to serial daters more then it will connect you to legitimate relationships. Yes, online dating works and many people meet their spouses that way. But, many also find themselves in your situation. You had to make 100% of the effort with this guy to try to establish an emotional bond and all he responded with was b.s., because he wasn't emotionally invested in you beyond casually meeting up for dates. Serial daters are the same as serial bachelors. They love to casually date but they NEVER commit to one woman. From woman's mag online about Serial Daters: 1. They love to have really long dates right away with you. 2. They will randomly disappear from your life and then suddenly come back into your life out of nowhere with a b.s. excuse. 3. They are expert 'love bombers.' They never go slow. They will demonstrate their undying attraction to you with grand statements and gestures. 4. They love to make you jealous (which is not healthy behavior on their part; it's immature). They will flirt with other women while out with you, or talk nonstop aboty their female friends whom they have a close connection with. 5. They will make grand statements of contrition to you, to show you how you've helped reform their player ways, "I was a player before I met you." or "I've never felt this comfortable talking to a woman like this, before I met you." 6. They are the 'victims' of all of their previous relationships with their exes. I've personally experienced all 6 of these red flags throughout my dating life with men. And they are definitely common warning signs that you're in the presence of a serial dater/player. So, if you experience any or all of these 6 signs, then RUN to the nearest exit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't chase uninterested men Logo is I guess not doing that. Logo is a man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 Oh well knowing that, my 6 serial dating red flags could easily be applied to women serial daters or men serial daters, gay or straight. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 4 hours ago, Logo said: How to avoid serial daters. I met someone, they showed up to every date, but they were emotionally miles away and never initiated contacting me. The dates were long and things were going ok. But I was doing all the work. Since I felt it was off, I pressed for an explanation. All I got was a bs answer that made no sense. I know for a fact they are not multi dating. So that’s not it. That sounds like plain, old disinterest to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted August 26, 2020 Author Share Posted August 26, 2020 5 hours ago, kendahke said: That sounds like plain, old disinterest to me. Then why waste my time and pretend to be interested through words? Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 If he insists on only coffee dates or wants to go Dutch at the restaurant on the first date or two. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 26, 2020 Share Posted August 26, 2020 32 minutes ago, Logo said: Then why waste my time and pretend to be interested through words? Dating sites don't require an IQ test to sign up. 🤡 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted August 27, 2020 Author Share Posted August 27, 2020 The bs answer I got was gaslighting me. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 Why do you say that the answer was gaslighting you? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 OP, it would be much easier to give you valuable advice if you would share what's going on, perhaps in full paragraphs even, rather than dribbling it out bit by bit. From the little you've posted it is impossible to know if the woman in question was emotionally unavailable, a serial dater (whatever that actually is), not interested in you, or something else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Logo said: The bs answer I got was gaslighting me. On 8/26/2020 at 7:07 AM, Logo said: How to avoid serial daters. I met someone, they showed up to every date, but they were emotionally miles away and never initiated contacting me. The dates were long and things were going ok But I was doing all the work. Since I felt it was off, I pressed for an explanation. All I got was a bs answer that made no sense. I know for a fact they are not multi dating. So that’s not it. Did "they" dump you after sex? What do you mean by gaslighting? Edited August 27, 2020 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 This is just my opinion...but really isn't that what dating is for, to find out IF you're interested beyond the initial few pics and couple of conversations? Maybe she wasn't pretending interest, but after a couple of dates she's not feeling it. If you're not getting back what you're giving it may just not be a match. You should move on in that case. I feel like back in my dating days, a guy would point out at or near the beginning if he wasn't looking for something long term. I'm sure women do the same. Unless they're under, say, mid-20s (little or no income, and like any young person, not necessarily thinking about being tied down yet) I think the free meal thing (ergo, "serial" daters, so to speak) people seem to fear is less likely, so maybe it's just a mismatch. She's trying because you seem like a good person and some of the boxes check off but she's not into it enough. I'd probably just move on. As for detecting it a person just wants to date around, I don't think it's necessarily cut-and-dried. Someone doesn't necessarily make this concrete decision: hey, I'll "serial" date. I think many people are still just looking for someone who really does it for them. Dating is NOT a sure thing with any given person, that's what dating is - meeting, spending time and finding out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 27, 2020 Share Posted August 27, 2020 19 hours ago, Logo said: Then why waste my time and pretend to be interested through words? that was my question, too... Link to post Share on other sites
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