Having to carry the conversation

[Cookiesandough]

I 

On 9/20/2020 at 9:47 AM, poppyfields said:

Apples and oranges?  Why?  Maybe that's part of the problem for so many people including yourself. 

You view it differently, you have different expectations than "real life."

Since it hasn't been working for you, why not change your current mindset and start seeing it a different way?

Change it up?  See it more like you do when you meet women off line ? 

Men approach women off line, it's not a lost art.  They see a woman they find attractive, and begin a conversation. 

They begin interacting. Get a feel for each other..

I don't get why on line "has" to be different.  Is there some on-line dating rule or something I don't know about?  Lol

I never viewed it that way, I chatted and had conversations with many men, but mentally clicked with one better than the others.  So we met in person and we began dating immediately thereafter.  

I did not have much in my profile (nothing about what I was "looking for").  And posted two pictures, one face, one body.

Received too many "hits" to even count them!  As most women.

The men I responded to were men who wrote more than "hey beautiful" or "what up"?  🤣

They engaged me in conversation, made it easy for me to want to talk to them.

Very similar to how it was for me and many women in the "real" world. 

I agree with you, poppy, that there are a lot of men online that approach women the same way in person. I would liken men on online dating to the stranger at the checkout line that blatantly hits on you. He has examined you and sees you fit for a romantic/sexual relationship, so he’s going to fast track it by putting out there he wants to take you on a date.

That’s what you do when you put yourself on a dating app and I think that’s why I did not like online dating. It just seemed really forced. It is a modern day back page personal and people found those sad too. OLD is more socially acceptable because more people do it, but there was still the same principles which bothered me about it.
 

There are a lot of men who use OLD, but all the very attractive men and women with careers and a good head on their shoulders I’ve known have never touched it. I know this because there was a period in my life where I asked people I knew if they ever OLD for research purposes.  A couple seemed to agree with me about the concept. But most, even the most introverted ones, were accepting of it.  They had enough going on where they could meet a viable partner  through job, mutual friends, hobby, so they never got to the point of needing it or they were comfortable with waiting and being single until they did. ]They didn’t need to resort to online dating/hitting on randoms at the grocery line. 

Edited October 25, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[QuietRiot]

8 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

]They didn’t need to resort to online dating/hitting on randoms at the grocery line. 

The bolded....you say that like it's a bad thing. In fact, I would say approaching in person at a grocery line or wherever in public, a college class, gym...is more organic than online. At least in person, there's no delete button. lol Hell, my dad met my mom on the beach...totals strangers...so I wouldn't poo-poo in-person, chance meetings. So you really cannot compare online to an in-person approach.

On that note, online dating is particularly useful those who live in a community where their demographic is limited. Like where I live, most women over 40 that are single, have all their teeth, have professional jobs, and a semblance of intelligence, have to resort to online dating because the options of those they COULD meet via friends and whatever you mentioned, simply aren't there.  Most friends of single friends don't have unattached friends they can be introduced to. Meeting through jobs? No way. Everyone there is married or spoken for. They don't know anyone that's single that they can introduce you to.  A lot of them still used tobacco products. lol

Where I live, it's mostly retirees and shifty go betweens. Those that are professionals with a healthy set of chompers had married their HS sweet hearts long ago. Anyone attractive is married or spoken for

The left over single ladies I come across are new arrivals, discovering the local yokels they cannot deal with or for the life of them cannot meet a man of their caliber in an in-person , organic environment..so they resort to the online realm. Some 30/ 40-somethings are recent arrivals, only relocating to live closer to their aging parents.

 

Edited October 26, 2020 by QuietRiot

[basil67]

24 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

The bolded....you say that like it's a bad thing. In fact, I would say approaching in person at a grocery line or wherever in public, a college class, gym...is more organic than online. At least in person, there's no delete button. lol Hell, my dad met my mom on the beach...totals strangers...so I wouldn't poo-poo in-person, chance meetings. So you really cannot compare online to an in-person approach.

Guys who "hit on randoms" in supermarket queues aren't having chance meetings because it's calculated.   Chance meetings on the other hand have quite a different vibe.   I suspect your dad was of the latter kind and wasn't chatting up every pretty woman at the beach he found himself next to.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/3/2020 at 4:11 PM, QuietRiot said:

There is a woman I know in my area that answered a canned question only that Match provides, "Beach or Mountain" she answered, "Beach in the mountains!" 

It's unclear why you are wasting time reading that rubbish. Only reply to profiles that interest you.

Wasting time filling up your mind with confirmation bias about "all the good ones are taken and only the trash exists for me" is contributing to your burn out and despair.

If it's a "canned question",  how can it be an individualized response? Unfortunately it seems like you are making stuff up to add to your indignation about dating.

[Fletch Lives]

Hot people don't have to write anything in their profile, particularity women. Plus, short profiles are smart - the less you say, the less chance you have of turning someone off. 

Another problem is, there are a lot of undesirables on dating sites.

Problems with replies could be that she is not interested in you and talking to a dozen other guys.

Dating is like searching for a needle in a haystack. There is no silver bullet - that goes for dating sites too.