Having to carry the conversation

[QuietRiot]

9 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

So if you are interested go ahead and ask, if not then don't bother.
If she is monosyllabic then pass, or just take the hint.
Some people are private people they don't want to post stuff about themselves for everyone and anyone to read.
Some I guess are mortified they even have to go on OLD at their age, so instead of judging people you do not know then I suggest you at least try to get to know them.
How difficult is it to simply send a message?
She replies great, she doesn't reply, move on..

How is posting what you're looking for in a man, private? When that's what you're suppose to be doing in an online dating profile. And I never mentioned anything about older women, but this is with men and women of all ages.

I have sent messages to the "Just ask'ers"  Where they "Just ask" My first message, "Will you answer? lol"  

[elaine567]

I have no idea why you are making such heavy weather over this?
If you do not like it, just swerve...

[Trail Blazer]

On 9/4/2020 at 4:52 PM, elaine567 said:

I guess that was a joke no? An attempt at humour?

Bumble asks the same question and I recall a few girls' answers were very similar.  It's such a contrived question, so I found it refreshing to see an answer that attempted to inject a bit of levity to the mundane.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 9/5/2020 at 3:39 AM, QuietRiot said:

POF is loaded with both men and women that just have "Just ask " or "Ask me" in their profile descriptions and that's it.

Because they want people to contact them.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 9/5/2020 at 4:26 AM, QuietRiot said:

How is posting what you're looking for in a man, private? When that's what you're suppose to be doing in an online dating profile. And I never mentioned anything about older women, but this is with men and women of all ages.

I have sent messages to the "Just ask'ers"  Where they "Just ask" My first message, "Will you answer? lol"  

I see a lot of "women have this long list" complaints. They may simply be showing they're more open to various types of men, not just one exact man.

[Trail Blazer]

5 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I see a lot of "women have this long list" complaints. They may simply be showing they're more open to various types of men, not just one exact man.

Long list of.... what?  Demands?  Non-negotiables?  I have seen some very detailed bios, but not a whole lot of ultimatums.  Girls that do that are usually the damaged types.

[basil67]

 

On 9/5/2020 at 9:26 PM, QuietRiot said:

I have sent messages to the "Just ask'ers"  Where they "Just ask" My first message, "Will you answer? lol"  

yeah, I can see why you're struggling on OLD.  You'd rather be antagonistic than initiate a conversation.

[QuietRiot]

8 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Bumble asks the same question and I recall a few girls' answers were very similar.  It's such a contrived question, so I found it refreshing to see an answer that attempted to inject a bit of levity to the mundane.

Turns out, that "Beach in the mountains" "JOKE", was a canned choice  chosen by the user. I've seen it on multiple profiles. Apparently, people can just pick pre-written  areas of a profile to place into it without ever having to type.

[CaliforniaGirl]

9 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Long list of.... what?  Demands?  Non-negotiables?  I have seen some very detailed bios, but not a whole lot of ultimatums.  Girls that do that are usually the damaged types.

What I mean is, on here at least and on other relationship forums, I hear over and over again that women have these "long lists" of what they want in a man. And right now what we're reading is women literally defensively demanding that the man do this or that, or not do this or that per what an ex did. I mean...it's all right here, LOL. Unless I'm thinking of the wrong thread. I didn't read up, I'm in the middle of a few different things and a little scattered.

And even when it's not defensive men often say women just want too much and so on. You've seen this. We all have.

So I'm saying...women who state clearly what they do and don't want are wrong. And women who don't state what they do and don't want are wrong.

I'm getting the feeling that it's more about: women who say no to a date are wrong...it literally does not matter what they do?

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 9/5/2020 at 4:26 AM, QuietRiot said:

How is posting what you're looking for in a man, private? When that's what you're suppose to be doing in an online dating profile. And I never mentioned anything about older women, but this is with men and women of all ages.

I have sent messages to the "Just ask'ers"  Where they "Just ask" My first message, "Will you answer? lol"  

QR...just being real here...that isn't going to be considered cute/funny/clever OR encourage the person to answer...it seems like someone who's just losing out a lot, someone women just don't want to talk to.

I just wouldn't say this, even to try to be funny. Being funny is fine but this one isn't a good one...JMO.

[snowcones]

I mirror the exact effort the guy is putting in.  For example, if he says "hey" I say "hey" back.  If he says, "Hi, how's your day going?", I say, "It's going really good, thanks for asking.  How is your day going?".   This sort of parroting either results in the guy thinking of something more engaging to say besides boring greetings so that we can actually connect, or the conversation fizzles.  If this upsets guys, I don't care. I'm only giving them exactly what they give.

[Irridescent]

The trick is to initiate conversation by asking questions that don't require one-word answers. Ask them about the favourite place they've travelled to and why it's different from the rest. Or to describe their perfect sunday morning. Things that can get them speaking and also share a bit of insight about who they are and what excites them in life.

[SumGuy]

On 9/8/2020 at 10:54 PM, Trail Blazer said:

Bumble asks the same question and I recall a few girls' answers were very similar.  It's such a contrived question, so I found it refreshing to see an answer that attempted to inject a bit of levity to the mundane.

I like the answer "Beach in the mountains"...my response might be "I'm in, take me there!" 

I do actually know of a beach in the mountains if you can count a creek as enough water. : )  (The Great Sand Dunes National Park in Colorado, USA)

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 9/18/2020 at 10:26 AM, SumGuy said:

I like the answer "Beach in the mountains"...my response might be "I'm in, take me there!" 

I do actually know of a beach in the mountains if you can count a creek as enough water. : )  (The Great Sand Dunes National Park in Colorado, USA)

I know a beach in the mountains too. Anywhere there is a lake there potentially is a beach.

[poppyfields]

On 9/5/2020 at 4:26 AM, QuietRiot said:

How is posting what you're looking for in a man, private? When that's what you're suppose to be doing in an online dating profile. 

QR, who said that's what you're "supposed" to be doing?  There is no "supposed to be doing," you do what is most comfortable for you!  

Look at it this way.  When you meet a woman at a club or party, or out and about, is she supposed to launch into a one-person monologue describing herself and what she looks for in a man?  

No!  You have a two-way conversation, you and her, you chat, you interact.  You get a "feel" for each other based on your interaction.  

It's no different on line for many women. Not to mention, many women don't have a "type" (I don't) so many women wouldn't even know how to describe what she's looking for.  

Again, many women, me included, like to get a "feel" for a man, a feel for how well (or not so well) WE communicate and interact together.  At first on line, to sense if there is a mental connection, and if so, then in person. 

So, if you like her pics, why not send a message and begin chatting?  Just like you would off line if you met her in the outside world?

Why should OLD be any different?  

BTW, when I did OLD, I was one of those women who did not have much written on my profile.  

No, I'm not lazy, I'm not self-entitled.

I am very private, but it was more because my taste in men is so diverse and varied, it would be literally impossible to describe on a dating profile.  

And I had LOTS of men message me and want to talk to me!

They asked questions, I asked them questions, we had a conversation and got a sense for each other, which was much more appealing and frankly more productive than reading a bunch of meaningless verbiage describing himself and what he wants on a dating profile.

99% of people don't even tell the truth on these dating apps, so why bother?  

Just send a message, chat and have a conversation for chrissakes. 

If she's incapable of conversing, then move on.

Just like you would had you met her in the outside world. 

 

Edited September 20, 2020 by poppyfields

[QuietRiot]

7 hours ago, poppyfields said:

QR, who said that's what you're "supposed" to be doing?  There is no "supposed to be doing," you do what is most comfortable for you!  

Look at it this way.  When you meet a woman at a club or party, or out and about, is she supposed to launch into a one-person monologue describing herself and what she looks for in a man?  

No!  You have a two-way conversation, you and her, you chat, you interact.  You get a "feel" for each other based on your interaction.  

It's no different on line for many women. Not to mention, many women don't have a "type" (I don't) so many women wouldn't even know how to describe what she's looking for.  

Again, many women, me included, like to get a "feel" for a man, a feel for how well (or not so well) WE communicate and interact together.  At first on line, to sense if there is a mental connection, and if so, then in person. 

So, if you like her pics, why not send a message and begin chatting?  Just like you would off line if you met her in the outside world?

Why should OLD be any different?  

BTW, when I did OLD, I was one of those women who did not have much written on my profile.  

No, I'm not lazy, I'm not self-entitled.

I am very private, but it was more because my taste in men is so diverse and varied, it would be literally impossible to describe on a dating profile.  

And I had LOTS of men message me and want to talk to me!

They asked questions, I asked them questions, we had a conversation and got a sense for each other, which was much more appealing and frankly more productive than reading a bunch of meaningless verbiage describing himself and what he wants on a dating profile.

99% of people don't even tell the truth on these dating apps, so why bother?  

Just send a message, chat and have a conversation for chrissakes. 

If she's incapable of conversing, then move on.

Just like you would had you met her in the outside world. 

 

Online dating and real life interaction are apples and oranges. With online dating, you go there with the intent to be more revealing of yourself...not just put "Ask me" in the description (again, lazy). Some profiles even require word limits.

It's a different dynamic altogether.

Edited September 20, 2020 by QuietRiot

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, QuietRiot said:

With online dating, you go there with the intent to be more revealing of yourself...

Well obviously Poppy didn't have that intent.. nor do I guess do many others.
It is all about the chat and the connection, one to one, it is not about laying bare one's soul on he site for every man and his dog to peruse...
 
OK you appear to want to profile surf with no intention of speaking to women to find out more about them, but then who is really being lazy?

[QuietRiot]

7 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Well obviously Poppy didn't have that intent.. nor do I guess do many others.
It is all about the chat and the connection, one to one, it is not about laying bare one's soul on he site for every man and his dog to peruse...
 
OK you appear to want to profile surf with no intention of speaking to women to find out more about them, but then who is really being lazy?

You're not "baring  your soul" to anyone by providing info about yourself,  interests, and what you're looking for in a man. That's basic dating profile 101. I've seen much longer profiles where I would put it into the "baring of one's soul". But the whole "just ask" is indicative to the lack of effort that person is willing to put into a dating experience.

Not sure how you got that impression. I've always engaged women in online dating sites.  

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, QuietRiot said:

But the whole "just ask" is indicative to the lack of effort that person is willing to put into a dating experience.

and...

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Online dating and real life interaction are apples and oranges. With online dating, you go there with the intent to be more revealing of yourself...not just put "Ask me" in the description (again, lazy). Some profiles even require word limits.

It's a different dynamic altogether.

Apples and oranges?  Why?  Maybe that's part of the problem for so many people including yourself. 

You view it differently, you have different expectations than "real life."

Since it hasn't been working for you, why not change your current mindset and start seeing it a different way?

Change it up?  See it more like you do when you meet women off line ? 

Men approach women off line, it's not a lost art.  They see a woman they find attractive, and begin a conversation. 

They begin interacting. Get a feel for each other..

I don't get why on line "has" to be different.  Is there some on-line dating rule or something I don't know about?  Lol

I never viewed it that way, I chatted and had conversations with many men, but mentally clicked with one better than the others.  So we met in person and we began dating immediately thereafter.  

I did not have much in my profile (nothing about what I was "looking for").  And posted two pictures, one face, one body.

Received too many "hits" to even count them!  As most women.

The men I responded to were men who wrote more than "hey beautiful" or "what up"?  🤣

They engaged me in conversation, made it easy for me to want to talk to them.

Very similar to how it was for me and many women in the "real" world. 

Edited September 20, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

JMO, but I find what's written in profiles arbitrary and often disingenuous.  People embellish, they exaggerate, they often lie.

They spend hours putting together what amounts to a glossed up version of themselves hoping it will pull women (or men), when in reality they're nothing like what they portray themselves to be.

I'm sure women do as well.  I've heard many people say they often don't read profiles or don't take them that seriously.

They'd rather chat and have a conversation.  And if they mentally click, meet and take it from there.

Edited September 20, 2020 by poppyfields

[QuietRiot]

20 hours ago, poppyfields said:

JMO, but I find what's written in profiles arbitrary and often disingenuous.  People embellish, they exaggerate, they often lie.

They spend hours putting together what amounts to a glossed up version of themselves hoping it will pull women (or men), when in reality they're nothing like what they portray themselves to be.

I'm sure women do as well.  I've heard many people say they often don't read profiles or don't take them that seriously.

They'd rather chat and have a conversation.  And if they mentally click, meet and take it from there.

All I can say is, you have a very glass half-empty view of things. I mean, if you're not going to even offer a glimpse into yourself, what your looking for and your interests...then online dating isn't for that person. 

They may as well stick to whomever they meet through real life social channels.

[Weezy1973]

On 9/3/2020 at 1:52 PM, QuietRiot said:

If 80% of the people put no effort in profiles that show up in your area, you only have 20% to choose from.

Then it is what it is. You’re choosing from  20% of the profiles. No point complaining about all the people that you don’t see as viable choices (for whatever reason), as you won’t be dating them anyways. Focus on the profiles of the people that you want to date. Just next the rest.

[poppyfields]

5 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

All I can say is, you have a very glass half-empty view of things. I mean, if you're not going to even offer a glimpse into yourself, what your looking for and your interests...then online dating isn't for that person. 

They may as well stick to whomever they meet through real life social channels.

You are correct, I never liked OLD.  Was never really my cup of tea, too contrived for me personally.

However I did meet my boyfriend (soon to be ex after almost 3 years, long story, nothing to do with how we met) on line, so obviously there are some positive elements to it.

Probably won't use it again though; I much prefer meeting people spontaneously, organically through real life social channels, as you said. . 

Edited September 21, 2020 by poppyfields

[Mysterio]

On 9/3/2020 at 4:45 PM, basil67 said:

Which brings me back to my theory that those who spend years on OLD aren't worth dating.  They either don't have much to offer or want too much.    

Thats why I am off.  On Tinder from Jan/Feb to First week of Oct.  I only had one major relationship that lasted a month.  I now will just meet women in real life.  Ask out.  If it lasts.  Thats great.  I personally think that most people are going to go out with lots of people, until they gel with person for the long haul.  No such thing as Soul Mate.  If there was a Soul Mate.  What does that mean?  You never fight?