What do I dooooooooo

[miamiflowers]

Hey guys!

I'm 28 (f). Briefly dated a guy for 5 months last year (LDR, me in London, him in Singapore) and we had an argument and I called things off in May 2019 (my dad was diagnosed with cancer, I was dealing with too much, he was not being supportive etc and he was having issues with business failing too). Anyway, ended things, moved on and no contact at all since!

In the meanwhile, I moved back to my home country, Singapore- where he lives. Thought about communicating with him but considering how briefly we dated, didn't see much point to it & just wanted to be single and focus on ma hustle!

Last week Monday, I accidentally dialled his number (I PROMISE ON ACCIDENT! haha, he has the same name as an employee in my company!) and as soon as I heard his voice i hung up after apologising!

Now since Monday, he texted me something like this (below...)

Him- hey, i had no idea you moved back! when did you move back?! 

Me- oh about a year ago etc 

We kept texting back and forth about covid, work, stresses of running our own companies etc and THEN, he stopped texting me on Sunday! BOOM!

So this is the thing- I'm enjoying being single and focussing on my work and I don't want to date seriously atm. BUT, he was a special one :) and it was SO obvious that both of us were in a tough spot in our lives when we were together, leading to our breakup. So, i wouldn't mind exploring a second chance 😍 BUT HE KIND OF DISAPPEARED ON SUNDAY! I sent replies to a text he sent on saturday, since which he has not replied at all!

 

I don't know what to doooooo! My feelings for him are resurfacing but I don't want to come across as desperate! I've done some background search and he is still very single 😻

Please help! What can i do?! 

Can I even do anything or do I just let it all go? :( 

[Wiseman2]

What is"ma hustle"? Get on some dating apps with a good profile and some good pics and start messaging and meeting local available men.

Stop chasing this guy and playing games and texting him this much.

[miamiflowers]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What is"ma hustle"? Get on some dating apps with a good profile and some good pics and start messaging and meeting local available men.

Stop chasing this guy and playing games and texting him this much.

No no no, I don't want to do any online dating!

Either I date this guy or nobody for now! I want to reconcile, win him back etc! 

 

Ma hustle is my company that I run. 

Edited August 26, 2020 by miamiflowers
explaining what my hustle is

[elaine567]

Could he be attached or married even or he just doesn't want to reconcile?
You dumped him, perhaps he doesn't want to get involved again, past a bit of a catch up.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why not suggest you meet to catch up?

He might not be interested in texting a lot if he doesn't think it will go further. I would put your feelers out and see how he responds. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, miamiflowers said:

 

i've done some background search and he is still very single 😻

 

All you can do is see if he gets back to you. Since he stopped responding and did not suggest catching up, all you can do is wait and see 

[schlumpy]

It's as if he was enjoying it too and suddenly he realized why the two of you broke up. Memories are fuzzy things with distance.

I suggest you go back over your text messages and look for something that may have been a trigger.

You can put yourself out there one more time by asking to meet but be prepared to be rebuffed.

You two haven't seen each other for awhile (unless you have been keeping track of one another) so there may be changes in both of your lives that will make a second chance impossible.

I'm just warning you to keep the lid on those feelings until you are sure he will welcome them. If only to save yourself.

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why not suggest you meet to catch up?

He stopped responding to her. So?

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, miamiflowers said:

I've done some background search and he is still very single

Single guys can have live-in gfs, long  term relationships, a woman they are in love with,  a special woman they just met, a married lover... etc.
Just because he is single doesn't mean he is available to you.

[ExpatInItaly]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He stopped responding to her. So?

So?

Maybe her last message didn't leave much to respond to. Not everyone wants to have a prolonged chit-chat over texting. 

Edited August 26, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[miamiflowers]

30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

All you can do is see if he gets back to you. Since he stopped responding and did not suggest catching up, all you can do is wait and see 

Yes i shall wait!!! i think this is realistic...

16 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

It's as if he was enjoying it too and suddenly he realized why the two of you broke up. Memories are fuzzy things with distance.

I suggest you go back over your text messages and look for something that may have been a trigger.

You can put yourself out there one more time by asking to meet but be prepared to be rebuffed.

You two haven't seen each other for awhile (unless you have been keeping track of one another) so there may be changes in both of your lives that will make a second chance impossible.

I'm just warning you to keep the lid on those feelings until you are sure he will welcome them. If only to save yourself.

Trueeee, I did do the analysis ... I was just my usual self! He was his usual self too! Lots of jokes emojis etc! in fact my last message was a funny one too! Also we didn't hurt each other or be rude to each other when we broke up. Like my dad literally got diagnosed with cancer, i had to rush to be by his side, this guy went AWOL for 10 days- i called him out and told him if he can't be there for me when I actually need him then why do I even need a partner (I didnt say it like that, more like i expected you to be there for me etc) And thats how it ended. Very decent break up tbh. No bad blood. 

I'm soooo scared to get hurt. 

41 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why not suggest you meet to catch up?

He might not be interested in texting a lot if he doesn't think it will go further. I would put your feelers out and see how he responds. 

I know but i'm so scared of getting hurt! maybe it's a leo's pride 😔😩 Im terrified of being hurt :(( sorry i sound like a baby!!!

[miamiflowers]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Single guys can have live-in gfs, long  term relationships, a woman they are in love with,  a special woman they just met, a married lover... etc.
Just because he is single doesn't mean he is available to you.

True but he we have mutual besties who have confirmed that he longed to get back with me but was scared to face me after going AWOL in my time of need! Same mutual besties have confirmed he is single.

But you're right, he could be swiping left, right, centre- who knows! 😬

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, miamiflowers said:

I'm soooo scared to get hurt. 

I know but i'm so scared of getting hurt! maybe it's a leo's pride 😔😩 Im terrified of being hurt :(( sorry i sound like a baby!!!

Fair enough, but you were the one to make the first contact. Even if it was accidental, it was you. 

I would say if you want to see him, the ball is therefore in your court. The worst he can say is "thanks, but no thanks." Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

[miamiflowers]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So?

Maybe her last message didn't leave much to respond to. Not everyone wants to have a prolonged chit-chat over texting. 

Trueeeee

This is my last message fyi... lemme know what you think?!

Him- what's a SV? i love risotto! you're too good of a cook to ruin risotto

Me- SV is (work terminology). My risotto was a completely accidental recipe which unfortunately I cannot recreate again. I pray to the risotto Gods but the karma from carb-hating has now returned to bite my bum! 

 

[elaine567]

Sunday to Wednesday...
Not looking good, I have to say.
He dropped off a cliff apparently.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your last message was fine. 

It was a just a mundane chat. There was nothing much to respond to, to be honest. 

I've recently been on the other side of this. A guy I had a fling with many years ago randomly got in touch, saying he was again living in the area where I now live.  I was thinking, "ok, good for you?" No hostility, but I wasn't clear on why he contacted me as he didn't really say much else. I am in a relationship and wasn't interested in taking it further anyway, but I didn't see the point in continuing to chat. Some days later, he asked if I wanted to meet him in person for a drink. I was honest and told him I am not single, and thus it was better not to. He completely understood, and that was that.

My point?  If you want something, speak up. Had I been single, sure, I probably would've agreed to grab a drink. But that invite would still need to come from him, not from any nudging from me to figure out why he got in touch. 

[miamiflowers]

5 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Sunday to Wednesday...
Not looking good, I have to say.
He dropped off a cliff apparently.

lol feels like it...

[miamiflowers]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Your last message was fine. 

It was a just a mundane chat. There was nothing much to respond to, to be honest. 

I've recently been on the other side of this. A guy I had a fling with many years ago randomly got in touch, saying he was again living in the area where I now live.  I was thinking, "ok, good for you?" No hostility, but I wasn't clear on why he contacted me as he didn't really say much else. I am in a relationship and wasn't interested in taking it further anyway, but I didn't see the point in continuing to chat. Some days later, he asked if I wanted to meet him in person for a drink. I was honest and told him I am not single, and thus it was better not to. He completely understood, and that was that.

My point?  If you want something, speak up. Had I been single, sure, I probably would've agreed to grab a drink. But that invite would still need to come from him, not from any nudging from me to figure out why he got in touch. 

Thank you... totally see your point!

I guess I have 2 options

1. Shoot the shot and see what happens...

2. Leave it be, whats meant to be will be etc

Normally, I'm option 2 in all relationships, never force/never push for things. if things flow, they flow! But idk... guess I'll think a little bit more before contacting. 

Also, covid! so can't really go out for drinks. What would recommend I text?! 

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, miamiflowers said:

I'm enjoying being single and focussing on my work and I don't want to date seriously atm.

 

1 hour ago, miamiflowers said:

I wanted advice on how to win back a guy I broke up with in a haste,

Read the above 2 quotes.  You contradict yourself.  Do you want to be single or do want him back?  Those are mutually exclusive desires.  So you have to pick one & be clear. 

If you were as confusing or undecided with him as you have been in these posts,  no wonder he stopped talking to you.  You probably came across as game playing.  

If you want to get back together, tell him that. Your go with the flow never take an y initiative deprives you of control in your own life.   If you want to be single, leave him alone.  Had you deleted him out of your phone as is recommended when you break up this mistake would not have happened because your colleague would have been the only one in your phone with that name.   

[elaine567]

d0nnivain makes a good point.
Which one is it?
Single or reconciliation?

Nothing worse than dumpers reappearing and raking up old hurts and promising or hinting at reconciliation, then to change their minds leaving the dumpee hurt all over again.

[Versacehottie]

I think you just have to realize he is not going to jump back in with both feet just because you showed up.  He's probably playing the game a little, not sure exactly.  As people do when there has been a breakup over an argument, a girl who doesn't' like to let guys in truly, and you were a surprise that you popped back up.  Also he could like or be dating someone.  I feel pretty good since you have a mutual friend that the information is closer to accurate but you never fully know--it's been a year.

Anyway, he's probably trying to play it cool a bit (assuming he likes you and would like to give things a chance).  Based on the way it ended you would probably have to be more of the initiator than he is.  You've also been back in Singapore (lovely place btw!) for a while & didn't get in touch--that would be confusing for him so he might not be sure of what you want.  You didn't even know you wanted it yourself until you were messaging (and perhaps because he wasn't clingy when you were).

My advice is to play the long game a bit more,  The breakup wasn't yesterday so getting back together won't be immediate either.  He's probably doing something similar if getting back together is an option for him.  Also your last message to him didn't require a reply so he's probably trying to act cool or his ego is involved or truly just life--he's not your boyfriend anymore, just some guy.  That doesn't mean I don't think he could be again.

I think he could😍

just keep the messaging going and eventually find a way to meet up😍

[JRabbit]

OP think about why you broke up in the first place.  He was not there for you in a time of need. This is a personality trait, he is not going to all of a sudden be a different person.  I suggest forgetting this one and start FRESH.

[smackie9]

Lets be honest here, you kept his number in your phone for a reason....you want another chance with this guy since day one, and have no interest in anybody else, which means you are making yourself 100% available to him. He's thinking it was no accident you contacting him. BUT not one of you said anything about catching up. The Mexican stand off. Should have spoken up since you were the one contacting him. He's not going to waste anymore of his time with mundane chit chat so he bailed. Give it a week and see. Then approach with an invite. No answer? then you have your answer.

[miamiflowers]

1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

 

Read the above 2 quotes.  You contradict yourself.  Do you want to be single or do want him back?  Those are mutually exclusive desires.  So you have to pick one & be clear. 

If you were as confusing or undecided with him as you have been in these posts,  no wonder he stopped talking to you.  You probably came across as game playing.  

If you want to get back together, tell him that. Your go with the flow never take an y initiative deprives you of control in your own life.   If you want to be single, leave him alone.  Had you deleted him out of your phone as is recommended when you break up this mistake would not have happened because your colleague would have been the only one in your phone with that name.   

Let me rephrase;

I would rather be single than casually date.

With this guy, we shared a really lovely bond which obviously didn't sustain the extraordinary circumstances we faced. So, if given a chance & if I could date anybody- it would be him. 

[d0nnivain]

Not wanting to casually date is different then wanting him back.  But because you want him back, I respectfully refer you to JRabbit's post.  He wasn't there for you when your dad was sick.  Do you really want a guy who will abandon you in your time of need?  I had one of those.  They cause pain.