My hookup lied about his name, what should I do?

[lancelondon]

So me and this guy (I'm a female and his a male, we're both 18) we've hooked up 2 times, known each other since the beginning of the month.

We were talking after we hooked up on the way to my house, and I asked what if I'm pregnant, as the condom fell off (it was off for either a 1 min or a max of 15 mins not sure) and he said it should be ok but I told him precum can make you pregnant (still a risk but u know)

 

Then we were pulling up to my house and I asked for his name. He told me a fake name. When we first added each other on a social media it was his real name, I was using a fake account so I added him on my main account and he changed his name on it.

 

I looked up his fake name on social media (Instagram, Facebook, etc) it didn't exist. So I searched up his name I thought it was and I found him.

 

Its strange the only thing he lied about was his first and last name. Everything else (school, birthday, age, place where he lives was what he said it was)

 

So what do I do now? Should the next time we hang out I call him by his fake name and see if he slips? Should I ignore this and just go on calling him by his fake name? Should I call him his real name mid-doing it?

 

 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Why were you even using a fake name to begin with?

Are you interested in an actual relationship with this young man?

[lancelondon]

10 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Why were you even using a fake name to begin with?

Are you interested in an actual relationship with this young man?

He is the one using the fake name, right now we are just hooking up.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

8 minutes ago, lancelondon said:

He is the one using the fake name, right now we are just hooking up.

Why were YOU using one to begin with though?  This all sounds weird.  Is that what 18 year olds do now?  Use fake profiles to meet each other to "just hook up?"

[lancelondon]

7 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Why were YOU using one to begin with though?  This all sounds weird.  Is that what 18 year olds do now?  Use fake profiles to meet each other to "just hook up?"

I didn't use a fake name at all. I'm not sure how you got that.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

36 minutes ago, lancelondon said:

When we first added each other on a social media it was his real name, I was using a fake account so I added him on my main account and he changed his name on it.

This is why I thought that.

[lancelondon]

1 minute ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

This is why I thought that.

Oops my bad, I meant a side account. It had my real name and all it was just a backup/spare account I had. Anyways you have any thoughts?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

5 minutes ago, lancelondon said:

Oops my bad, I meant a side account. It had my real name and all it was just a backup/spare account I had. Anyways you have any thoughts?

Well, if you're interested in a relationship, ask him ASAP to get it cleared up.  Seems very odd he'd do that.  Have you checked to see if he has a criminal record under his real name?  Are you sure you know which one IS his real name?  

If all you want to do it just continue to hook up it's probably not that important (but make sure he's not dangerous).  Just use protection.  Maybe buy better condoms ;).

[lancelondon]

7 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Well, if you're interested in a relationship, ask him ASAP to get it cleared up.  Seems very odd he'd do that.  Have you checked to see if he has a criminal record under his real name?  Are you sure you know which one IS his real name?  

If all you want to do it just continue to hook up it's probably not that important (but make sure he's not dangerous).  Just use protection.  Maybe buy better condoms ;).

I didn't include this in the main post but he doesn't want a relationship (I don't think I like him but I would go out with him if he asked) I checked online for criminal records and I don't see any for him (He's not originally born in us)

 

Yea I don't think he's dangerous, theres been times were it would be so easy to steal from him that he's put himself at risk so I think I'm safe

 

Yea better condoms would be better but I think he's simply not putting them on right, so I'll do it next time and see if that fixes it. Should I call him by his fake name then when we do it and when I talk to him?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

3 minutes ago, lancelondon said:

Should I call him by his fake name then when we do it and when I talk to him?

I think I would just ask him why he used two different names and ask him what his actual/real name is.  Aren't you curious about why he did that?

[BaileyB]

Why would you get back together with him? 

The man lied to you about a basic fact - his identity. He is also not taking your health and future seriously if the condom falls off and he says “don’t worry about it, it will be fine.”

I would make a doctors appointment to get an STD test, and a pregnancy test. And then, I would delete him from my social media and loose his number... that’s what I would do. 

Edited August 28, 2020 by BaileyB

[lancelondon]

14 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

I think I would just ask him why he used two different names and ask him what his actual/real name is.  Aren't you curious about why he did that?

I want to do that but I read online how others do the same for privacy reasons and I get that. And he could cut me off anyday so I don't want to risk that either. I think I'll let him tell me when I'm ready

[BaileyB]

26 minutes ago, lancelondon said:

Yea better condoms would be better but I think he's simply not putting them on right, so I'll do it next time and see if that fixes it. 

Better yet, if you intend to have sex with the man again you should talk to a doctor about the birth control pill. You are playing Russian roulette here. 

[BaileyB]

1 minute ago, lancelondon said:

I want to do that but I read online how others do the same for privacy reasons and I get that. And he could cut me off anyday so I don't want to risk that either. I think I'll let him tell me when I'm ready

It’s his name. It’s not like you are asking his intentions about marriage. Why are you having sex with a man who won’t tell you his feel name and with whom, you don’t feel like you have the right to ask for honesty because... you may loose him. That makes no sense whatsoever. 

Edited August 28, 2020 by BaileyB

[lancelondon]

1 minute ago, BaileyB said:

It’s his name. It’s not like you are asking his intentions about marriage. Why are you having sex with a man who won’t tell you his feel name and with whom, you don’t feel like you have the right to ask for honesty because... you may loose him. That makes no sense whatsoever. 

The main problem is there's a language barrier between us, english is not his first language, He's not bad at all with English. I just don't know how to word it were he would understand what I'm asking and that I'm not a stalker and I'm not mad at him. And I'm generally scared of losing people so it makes it hard to ask something that he doesn't want me to know. I'm replaceable, he could easily find another chick (and probably has more then me as well) besides this he's been a nice guy, like if he sees that I'm uncomfortable then he makes sure I'm comfortable.

 

And about the pill, I want to go on I don't know if they would let me on it (like my period, i dont have bad cramps, and i dont want them to try to get me with a iud) with the recent world event going on would they even let me?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

1 minute ago, lancelondon said:

The main problem is there's a language barrier between us, english is not his first language, He's not bad at all with English. I just don't know how to word it were he would understand what I'm asking and that I'm not a stalker and I'm not mad at him. And I'm generally scared of losing people so it makes it hard to ask something that he doesn't want me to know. I'm replaceable, he could easily find another chick (and probably has more then me as well) besides this he's been a nice guy, like if he sees that I'm uncomfortable then he makes sure I'm comfortable.

 

And about the pill, I want to go on I don't know if they would let me on it (like my period, i dont have bad cramps, and i dont want them to try to get me with a iud) with the recent world event going on would they even let me?

Would who let you?  Where do you live?  In the USA? Why would you not be allowed to take the pill?  

Learn this lesson now, at age 18......stand up for yourself.  Do not be so afraid of losing a man because you've stood up for yourself that you just allow yourself to be lied to or taken advantage of.  That is NOT ok.  Your adult self will thank you for developing this skill young, trust me as a 47 year old woman with kids your age!  

 

[BaileyB]

I agree. Your bar is set pretty low if you stay with a man who is not even willing to tell you his real name and doesn’t take your health seriously (as it relates to STDs and pregnancy).

Birth control is not his responsibility, it’s yours. Don’t rely on the man to bring or wear a condom. Condoms are not the best protection against pregnancy, as you have learned. 

 

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, lancelondon said:

The main problem is there's a language barrier between us, english is not his first language, He's not bad at all with English. I just don't know how to word it were he would understand what I'm asking and that I'm not a stalker and I'm not mad at him. And I'm generally scared of losing people so it makes it hard to ask something that he doesn't want me to know. I'm replaceable, he could easily find another chick (and probably has more then me as well) besides this he's been a nice guy, like if he sees that I'm uncomfortable then he makes sure I'm comfortable.

 

And about the pill, I want to go on I don't know if they would let me on it (like my period, i dont have bad cramps, and i dont want them to try to get me with a iud) with the recent world event going on would they even let me?

You need to get to a doctor or clinic for STD testing.  How much do you know about him? 

[lancelondon]

1 minute ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Would who let you?  Where do you live?  In the USA? Why would you not be allowed to take the pill?  

Learn this lesson now, at age 18......stand up for yourself.  Do not be so afraid of losing a man because you've stood up for yourself that you just allow yourself to be lied to or taken advantage of.  That is NOT ok.  Your adult self will thank you for developing this skill young, trust me as a 47 year old woman with kids your age!  

 

I live in the us, yes. I'm I just live in a more conservative state, and I really don't like pills or want to get a IUD. And I also have a doctor issue at the moment. So I need to get that fixed before I can get it anyway.

 

Hmm I see. I feel better knowing that your a women with life experience. Thank you ill take your advice to heart.

[lancelondon]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to get to a doctor or clinic for STD testing.  How much do you know about him? 

I know the basic info - age, family, birth place, height, shoe size, etc

 

Is there anything your trying to see if I know about him?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

5 minutes ago, lancelondon said:

I live in the us, yes. I'm I just live in a more conservative state, and I really don't like pills or want to get a IUD.

A doctor is not going to push an IUD on you, trust me.  My daughter is 19 and recently went on the pill.  She got it from her primary care physician, and while she has been to a gynecologist for an ovarian cyst, she has never had an internal exam.  Doctors would much rather you go on the pill than have to see you for an unplanned pregnancy!  If this is an issue about your parents, try to save up some money to see a doctor as "self pay" and get your prescription at the pharmacy without insurance.  (My daughter does this as she does not want her father to know she's on birth control, and she's on his insurance....most pharmacies have discount programs and the pill is not expensive....like 18 bucks a month).  Feel free to PM me if you need a "mom" to talk to!!   

Oh wait, you probably can't PM me since you are too new here.  Well, just ask questions here and I and others can help!

Edited August 28, 2020 by CautiouslyOptimistic

[Wiseman2]

Shoe 👟👣 size? Get tested for STDs.

If you sleep with a lot of randoms get a good supply of condoms and plan B 

Have the local clinic on speed dial in your phone.

Have you thought about getting to know someone a bit before sex, like dating?

Edited August 28, 2020 by Wiseman2

[BaileyB]

17 minutes ago, lancelondon said:

I know the basic info - age, family, birth place, height, shoe size, etc

Apparently not, if he hasn’t told you his real name. How can you trust what he’s told you about his age, his family. 

Look, there are a lot of other options than IUDs. You need to educate yourself and consult a doctor. If you don’t have one, is there not a free women’s clinic that you can visit. I hate to say it, but you really shouldn’t be having sex if you don’t have a doctor and you don’t have a reliable form of birth control. It’s your basic responsibility. 

Edited August 28, 2020 by BaileyB

[lancelondon]

5 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

A doctor is not going to push an IUD on you, trust me.  My daughter is 19 and recently went on the pill.  She got it from her primary care physician, and while she has been to a gynecologist for an ovarian cyst, she has never had an internal exam.  Doctors would much rather you go on the pill than have to see you for an unplanned pregnancy!  If this is an issue about your parents, try to save up some money to see a doctor as "self pay" and get your prescription at the pharmacy without insurance.  (My daughter does this as she does not want her father to know she's on birth control, and she's on his insurance....most pharmacies have discount programs and the pill is not expensive....like 18 bucks a month).  Feel free to PM me if you need a "mom" to talk to!!   

Oh wait, you probably can't PM me since you are too new here.  Well, just ask questions here and I and others can help!

I see that makes me a lot less nervous now. I'll have to find the time next month to go, thank you for your help!  Thanks for kinda being my virtual mom lol it makes me feel better talking to someone that has a daughter my age :)

 

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Shoe 👟👣 size? Get tested for STDs.

If you sleep with a lot of randoms get a good supply of condoms and plan B 

Have the local clinic on speed dial in your phone.

Have you thought about getting to know someone a bit before sex, like dating?

His shoe size is 9 if I'm not mistaken. He's the only I've slept with, I don't sleep around. I'll have to find my local clinic, I hope its not too far. I have thought about that but it's never gone right. The guy either plays with me, teases me, or I really don't want to date when a guy asks me out. I don't really need a constant person in my life (besides family, and close friends.) Honestly if a guy asked me out and I said yes it wouldn't be a good relationship. I don't want the supporting each other, couple things, date nights, or anything like that. I only want one thing and I don't need a relationship for it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

3 minutes ago, lancelondon said:

I see that makes me a lot less nervous now. I'll have to find the time next month to go, thank you for your help! 

You're welcome.  And remember, you don't have to have an internal exam (if that makes you uncomfortable at this age) in order to get a prescription for the pill. You and only you are in charge of your body, so don't feel like you can't stand up for yourself and say "no, I don't want that."  In ANY circumstance (doctor, sexual partners, etc.).