Had a fallout after a good friend acted like a jerk out of the blue in front of our friends

[Ostepop]

So me and this friend (online)  have had a bit of a rocky beginning but we've had a solid friendship for about a year and a half. In the beginning he used to like to tease me a bit for who knows what reason but i said i didn't care for it and he stopped. Since then we had good times and good fun. We were even planning on meeting up after Corona dies down. Now when we were together with a group of new friends he kind of singled me out and made cheap shots whenever he found an opening and just generally threw out "witty" comments here and there that made me look bad. Wasn't always something personal, just made me look like a fool in front of everyone when i said something incorrect or if he could use my history as a reason for something (in a negative sense) because it's "typical me". I snapped finally a bit and told him to shut up, but he laughed and just continued on until we had complete silence. I guess the others didn't really care for it either, but i can't read minds and no one said anything. We rounded things up there and went offline for the night. He went first or i'd talk to him when we'd be alone.

I decided i'd just not speak to the guy until he speaks to me first and i'll tell him that the way he spoke to me was totally unacceptable and he can consider our friendship over if he thinks i'll accept being spoken to like that around new friends. Face to face is another matter and i'll tease him back, but mockery in front of others is a no go. The funny thing is that after this he's completely ignored me too and that is a first. We have had a day here and there without talking and he'll ask me whats up and what i've been doing, but not this time. He's completely ignored me too even though i haven't done him anything wrong. My guess is that he knows he's screwed up but is unwilling to own up to it.

This was 2 days ago btw and we've more or less passed each other online without anyone saying a word to one another.

I know it's unacceptable, but i would hate for this to be the end of our friendship as i did consider him a very good friend, but i also know i can't let it slide as it'll invite him to repeat it.

I would appreciate some honest thoughts and advice about this

[Watercolors]

Online friendships can be hard to maintain if they remain just online. But you and he saw each other offline in real life with a group of mutual friends? Or were you all in a chatroom together? 

What he did to you in front of your mutual friends would be a deal breaker -- at least for me it would be. Mocking you in front of mutual friends like that shows you he doesn't really value your friendship or respect you and is a deal breaker in a sense, because, who needs friends like that?! He sounds like a total ass and not someone worth investing anymore time in. Just delete/block him and if your mutual friends say anything, tell them the truth; he was an a**h*** and you deserve better from friends then the way he behaved. 

[Ostepop]

I am thinking the same. I just don't understand the change. We've been gaming together, chatting about our interests daily (which are similar) i even have a good friendship with his girlfriend.. and then suddenly he just does a 180 switch and does this out of the blue. It really baffled me and still does. 

[Watercolors]

15 minutes ago, Ostepop said:

I am thinking the same. I just don't understand the change. We've been gaming together, chatting about our interests daily (which are similar) i even have a good friendship with his girlfriend.. and then suddenly he just does a 180 switch and does this out of the blue. It really baffled me and still does. 

His girlfriend? Hmm. Maybe she said something to him or he feels like maybe you are attracted to her or she's attracted to you. Did you all meet in person or did this all happen online? 

[Wiseman2]

He sounds like a cyberbully. Delete and block him.

[Noproblem]

I have friends that i considered good friends, but they would laugh and mock me when we were in large group ( in real life)

I let it slide, but it always bothered me and I kinda resented them for that, but like you I considered them good friends for other things they had..

but in the end, the friendship didn't last.

[elaine567]

Was the gf there in the group?

[Ostepop]

7 hours ago, Watercolors said:

His girlfriend? Hmm. Maybe she said something to him or he feels like maybe you are attracted to her or she's attracted to you. Did you all meet in person or did this all happen online? 

While i can't know that for sure, i honestly doubt that. He feels secure and she's loyal. I'd never do anything to make it look like i'm interested in her, which i'm not.

3 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Was the gf there in the group?

She wasn't. It was just some new friends and us two. 

[d0nnivain]

It's a guy pulling your pigtails.  It's a ham handed way of a guy getting a girl's attention.  He thought he was displaying inside jokes & your closeness.  Others picked up on your discomfort & got quiet but they probably weren't all that offended by whatever teasing he was doing because it wasn't personal to them. 

You plan to not speak to him again unless he reaches out is a mixed bag.  You avoiding the issue doesn't show him what he did was wrong.  He may never reach out & just wonder what happened.  If you want to fix this you have to speak up.  If you don't give a fig if you never talk to him again carry on with your ghosting plan.  

[Ostepop]

Who's attention in this case? mine or the new friends? I don't like the prospect of him jerking me around to elevate himself. Either way, he's done what he's done and if i'm not worth apologizing to then he's offended me twice. I think i'll just keep going on as normal with my days and see what happens. I mean, since he's clearly avoiding me too then he knows he did something wrong, that's how i see it at least.

[Wiseman2]

Don't associate with people like this. It's not a relative or co-worker or someone you even have to bother with. Cut him off. It's that simple.

Edited August 28, 2020 by Wiseman2

[Ostepop]

56 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't associate with people like this. It's not a relative or co-worker or someone you even have to bother with. Cut him off. It's that simple.

It's not that simple, it's never that simple. It only seems simple cause you're not emotionally attached. You have to remember this is a person i've had a good friendship with for one and a half years. I know i can't let stuff like this slide, but i still know what a wonderful friend he is normally and it is painful that this idiotic thing had to happen.

[FMW]

If you're not willing to write him off, then confront him.  Stop ignoring him (even if he's also ignoring you). Clearly and straightforwardly ask why he behaved as he did.  That's the only chance you have of keeping the friendship.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Ostepop said:

It's not that simple, it's never that simple. It only seems simple cause you're not emotionally attached. You have to remember this is a person i've had a good friendship with for one and a half years. I know i can't let stuff like this slide, but i still know what a wonderful friend he is normally and it is painful that this idiotic thing had to happen.

Don't condone or reward nasty behavior or disrespect. He's showing his true colors now and that's a part of who he is.

Edited August 28, 2020 by Wiseman2

[lana-banana]

Yeah, giving each other sh-t has to be a two-way street, otherwise it's just cruel and unkind. You can either tell him directly that it was uncool and you're not happy about it, or you can ignore it, but you can't pick back up like nothing happened---and don't let him try that either. 

I think your best bet is to let the friendship die a natural death. Reduce your contact until you're maybe chatting once or twice a month, and then finally just don't respond. I know this guy matters a lot to you, but you can't have nasty people in your life. Over time the friendship will give you a lot more pain than happiness.