Could this work

[robaday]

I recently broke up with someone I thought I would be with for a very long time (We dated for just over a year). Everything had been great for most of it, but the last three months were really difficult for both of us. She became increasingly controlling and when I tried to explain that I didn't mind helping out but wanted to be spoken to with respect she would say I was over sensitive. Essentially I slowly lost confidence, it was go with her demands or argue and like anyone else I am conflict averse, but occasionally said no. I ended up breaking it off because the arguments really took their toll on me and what had been an amazing relationship had turned into some weird power struggle.  

She really wants another chance and is taking active steps to address her side of the issues that led to things falling apart and has acknowledged she messed up. All I wanted was for her to show me more respect, but I'm really unsure if taking her back could earn that, or whether its best just to leave it lie. I still love her, but wasn't treated the way I wanted to be treated by a partner. 

[Wiseman2]

Basically you're incompatible. You want her to change. You broke up to fix her. If you get back together, it may be ok for a while, but you both are who you are.

Take a breather and reflect on what you want in a relationship.

[robaday]

A breather is a great idea! I didn't do it to fix her, just the hurt of staying outweighed the hurt of leaving

[elaine567]

3 hours ago, robaday said:

what had been an amazing relationship had turned into some weird power struggle.

This is a common part of the dating process.
Working out where where each stands in the pecking order.
Problems occur when both partners are somewhat equal so keep fighting for dominance, or where one will not accept the dominance of the other.
Here, was your gf "controlling" or was she just not willing to accept your dominance?
Peace may be restored when both agree to compromise or if one "gives in" to the other and accepts the lesser role.
Of course if stalemate is reached or a toxic/abusive relationship develops then the only real solution is to break up.

[kendahke]

14 hours ago, robaday said:

She really wants another chance and is taking active steps to address her side of the issues that led to things falling apart and has acknowledged she messed up. All I wanted was for her to show me more respect, but I'm really unsure if taking her back could earn that, or whether its best just to leave it lie. I still love her, but wasn't treated the way I wanted to be treated by a partner. 

You need to ascertain if she is truly addressing this--by going to a therapist to deal with her anger issue--or if she's just giving you lip service and telling you what you want to hear as a way of manipulating you back into position--and she's not changing anything.

She came to your relationship initially with over a decade of that behavior ingrained in her---she hasn't suddenly addressed it and resolved it in a matter of weeks. That is unrealistic to even think that she has.

She needs to spend way more time digging out the roots of that behavior, not using you to distract her from doing that work.

I'd keep my distance--and just you watch: you telling her that is going to show you exactly how she doesn't have a handle on her behavior.

She needs a therapist more than she needs a boyfriend right now because one day, she's going to run that up on the wrong person and draw back a bloody stump.

[d0nnivain]

14 hours ago, robaday said:

. She became increasingly controlling and when I tried to explain that I didn't mind helping out but wanted to be spoken to with respect she would say I was over sensitive. Essentially I slowly lost confidence, it was go with her demands or argue and like anyone else I am conflict averse, but occasionally said no. I ended up breaking it off because the arguments really took their toll on me

She's a "my way or the highway" person.  You were right to chose the highway.  She's not going to change.  Her telling you that you expressing concerns about the way she was disrespecting you is you being overly sensitive is a problem.  She is not worried about your feelings. 

The idea that her bad behavior would cause you to lose confidence as opposed to getting annoyed tells me that if you get back with her she will suck every last drop of self esteem from you & leave you an emotional mess.  

Go backwards at your own peril 

[robaday]

Thanks for the replies I appreciate it they all make sense! 

This one was really different to other breakups I have had, in that normally if I am the one to end it I don't have strong feelings for them anymore. Also there were a lot of stressors in my own life that meant I was lacking in confidence anyway (we all know the current climate and it meant I lost my job) so I'll admit I also became passive and that definitely played a role in things not going to plan.