Citing age as a reason for settling 'I'm not getting any younger!

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

the divorce rate in every Country in the world where women are allowed to get a divorce keep exploding with each year, each decade, each generation of men and women.

What’s your definition of exploding? About 70% of first marriages last a lifetime in the US.

[Woggle]

I am happily married myself but marriage is an institution that is on it's last legs.

[Weezy1973]

26 minutes ago, Woggle said:

I am happily married myself but marriage is an institution that is on it's last legs.

Doubt it. Although people are certainly waiting until later in life to get married than they used to. Common law marriages are still marriages. It’s a legal designation.

[Azincourt]

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

What’s your definition of exploding? About 70% of first marriages last a lifetime in the US.

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There is 1 divorce approximately every 36 seconds. That's nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year. The divorce rate for a first marriage is around 41%. The divorce rate is 60% for a second marriage and 73% for a third.

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First marriages that end in divorce usually last approximately 8 years.

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The divorce rate for couples over 65 years old has doubled since 1980.

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In 2/3 of all divorces, it's the woman who files. Additionally, while men are financially better off than women post-divorce, they typically suffer more emotionally.

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Divorced men are at an especially high risk of alcohol abuse. In contrast, divorced women’s alcohol consumption falls sharply after a divorce.

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Although Statistics Canada has not been collecting Canada's annual marriage and divorce rates since 2008, it seems fairly widely accepted that over 40% of Canadian marriages are expected to end in divorce before the couple reach their 50th wedding anniversary. Such statistics do not account for further separations experienced by unmarried spouses (common-law couples); this makes separation and divorce a normative life event for many Canadians.

Then there are those nations outside of the States.

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Marriage is becoming less popular and divorce rate continues to rise across the world. Every year, world organizations, such as the United Nations, record global divorce rates and reasons why many married couples decide to call it quits. Interestingly, many reasons are common in most countries. 

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Divorce rates, according to Spain's National Statistics Institute, are steadily going up in the age group of 40-49, the group that accounts for close to half of all divorces in Spain.

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In 2012, the ratio of marriages to divorces in Portugal was even higher: 73.7 per 100 marriages.

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Portugal is closely followed by Denmark in marital break-ups, with neighbouring Spain lagging behind in fifth place.

Read something about 70% of first marriages ending up in divorce, 80% of second marriages ending in divorce, and 90% of third marriages resulting in divorce, with the divorces taking place 4 to 7 years into the marriage.

Belgium is at a 70% divorce rate.

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In 2017, the country registered roughly 15.1 divorces per every 10,000 inhabitants, about six divorces more than in 2010. The region where. With 48.7 divorces for every 100 marriages, Italy ranked right behind the European top ten countries with the highest divorce rates in 2016.

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Doubt it. Although people are certainly waiting until later in life to get married than they used to. Common law marriages are still marriages. It’s a legal designation.

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Marriage is on it's dying legs amongst the working class and the middle-class, it's still going strong for those who are college-educated. But college-educated men are rare, globally, and being married doesn't mean the couple is happy. They might just figure it's cheaper and easier to remain unhappily married.

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 Common law marriages are still marriages. It’s a legal designation.

Common law marriages don't mean much.  Rent a house, live with a woman for a few years, end the relationship, and you don't owe her anything, and since there's no house to divide between the two of you because you weren't married, there is no need to hire lawyers.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

But what could work is surveying single women over 35 to see if their priorities when choosing a mate are the same as they were when they were in their 20s.

I agree with this.

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So your daughter wanting equal or greater education than herself in her prime fertile years makes a lot of sense. If she’s still single at 35, or say divorced and single, would she still insist on someone with an equal or greater education?

Wanting someone who's got an education isn't her dating problem.  Her problem is finding someone with the same morals and ethics.  She complains that of guys who want a career, all she can find are private schooled, wealthy, conservative boys.    She hates their views on pretty much everything - from the nepotism in private schools - to their views on climate change - to their conspicuous consumption.  And so she dumps them and they don't see it coming.   Of the boys who's morals and ethics align with hers, she says they are all waiting for their bands to take off, but she wants a guy who has/will have a career.

That said, she is currently 'seeing' a private schooled, wealthy, conservative boy.   Despite disagreeing on pretty much everything, they banter really well and he calls her all the time....and he said he's worried she'll kill him in his sleep.    Stay tuned.

Whether or not she should 'settle' on her morals and ethics is her problem.

Edited September 7, 2020 by basil67

[basil67]

5 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Cristiano Ronaldo didn't graduate from high school if I'm not mistaken, and he's the world's first billionaire soccer player. At the age of 35! 

I was talking about being able to progress within a profession without needing a degree back in the day.  For example, my husband is at the top of the game in IT, but he started by doing shift work in data centres back in the 70's.   For a young person today to get where hubby is now, they would need a degree to get in the door.   Try and keep up.

 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

AFAIK the divorce rate in the U.S. is the lowest it's been literally in decades. ETA: not just as total numbers (because there are fewer marriages) but as a percentage of all marriages. I have to look this up.

Edited September 7, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Azincourt]

Quote

I agree with this.

No need for that. What people desire and what people look for changes accordingly to their age because as they grow older their goals shift. A 21 year old woman has just graduated from college.  She's not rushing to get married.

She's not actively seeking to buy a house.  She's either living with roomates and saving her money, or she's living at her parent's and saving her money, or she's enjoying her time off from getting a 'real' job by going on a trip across the USA, across Europe, or she's traveling to places that are considered to be exotic by the west.

She meets guys, and things are pretty chill. There's no talk of, ''do you see yourself wanting to get married and have kids?'' 

Because she doesn't have that in mind just yet. She's looking to enjoy her time. She doesn't care about his college qualifications,  what he does for a living, and where he lives. All she wants is that the guy is funny, enjoyable to be around, and doesn't overwhelm her with wanting to 'lock her down' with a committed relationship, because she's exploring her options, as he is, and as everyone should especially at such a young age.

Women who are in their 30s to mid 30s have gone through several life-experiences that  either created or cemented an already existing desire for a family of her own,  or they came to the realization that  marriage, children, something like that ain't what she needs in her life. 

It's great that women go to college because that gives women the freedom to choose to being permanently single, if they don't want to get married, and if long-term relationships don't please her, and as such relationships that do happen have a higher chance of working out because the woman doesn't need him, and she's with him because she wants to.

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Wanting someone who's got an education isn't her dating problem.  Her problem is finding someone with the same morals and ethics.  She complains that of guys who want a career, all she can find are private schooled, wealthy, conservative boys.    She hates their views on pretty much everything - from the nepotism in private schools - to their views on climate change - to their conspicuous consumption.  And so she dumps them and they don't see it coming.   Of the boys who's morals and ethics align with hers, she says they are all waiting for their bands to take off, but she wants a guy who has/will have a career.

What's wrng with wealthy, conservative men?

Yeah, but what does that have anything to do with a successful marriage? 

My parents have been happily married to each other for 40+ years and they don't share much in common if at all, they have different political stances, my father loves cars and airplanes and cutting down trees for wood for the winter, my dad is former military so he loves going to military parades and bases, whereas my mother loves the beach, the sea, the nightclub life, music festivals, she loves being around dogs, and she spends a lot of her time around flowers.

If people needed their partner's hobbies, interests, stances, belief-system etc, people wouldn't pair up all that much.

[Azincourt]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I was talking about being able to progress within a profession without needing a degree back in the day.  For example, my husband is at the top of the game in IT, but he started by doing shift work in data centres back in the 70's.   For a young person today to get where hubby is now, they would need a degree to get in the door.   Try and keep up.

 

 

Yeah, and my father started by dropping out of the 5th grade to work for his dad, then joined the military when he turned 17 and got authorization from his parents, met my mother, started working on his basic schooling up to high school, all night classes, graduated from high school, went to college, working 2 jobs + being married + having kids, graduated from college, got a masters, founded a company, made it thrive, retired early, and now if he wanted to he could move to say Brazil and live far more comfortably than most Brazilians could ever hope to.

All because of his will power.

Then again, he did have a wife and children and a mortgage and a car to pay off, to think about, I just got out of a 2 year relationship, I don't have kids, I don't have a car, I don't have a mortggage and I don't have a wife, so I'm pretty chill about everything and don't have much ambition.

Remember. Stress creates wrinkles and hair loss.

No bueno.

Eternal youth.

Edited September 7, 2020 by Azincourt

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Doubt it. Although people are certainly waiting until later in life to get married than they used to. Common law marriages are still marriages. It’s a legal designation.

Yeah, people really aren't going to stop wanting to couple up. Even the "free" 70s/70s (for some people, anyway) kinda fell apart when people tried the nobody makes a commitment thing. Even when people don't marry, lots of people live together. Many people just like to couple up, always have.

[CaliforniaGirl]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I was talking about being able to progress within a profession without needing a degree back in the day.  For example, my husband is at the top of the game in IT, but he started by doing shift work in data centres back in the 70's.   For a young person today to get where hubby is now, they would need a degree to get in the door.   Try and keep up.

 

 

Oh, absolutely. 100%. (Having lived through this time period.)

[Woggle]

In the 60s and 70s it was the free love era and naturally when you being free with your love many will catch feelings. These days men and women pretty much can't stand each other. Increasingly the genders will be living separate lives and dealing with each other as little as possible. Millenials are already having much less sex than previous generations. It is a dark future for relationships.

[Azincourt]

5 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Yeah, people really aren't going to stop wanting to couple up. Even the "free" 70s/70s (for some people, anyway) kinda fell apart when people tried the nobody makes a commitment thing. Even when people don't marry, lots of people live together. Many people just like to couple up, always have.

People adapt.

Heterosexual women are going to want to pair up with hetero men, but there's a significant disparity in the number of men and men living in a city, state, foreign nation, living at a given time. When there's a lot more women living in a city than there are men, what happens is that fewer women will find a boyfriend, and the rest will stay single until the opportunity to meet men appears, or they will date the same guy. Either knowingly the guy's not dating just her, or having no idea what he's up to, and ending up dating a guy who is dating 5+ women at the same time and stringing them along.

Supply and demand. When I was a teenager, my parents took my to a tiny Italian village. Girls from that village amassed at the local coffee shop because I was there and they hadn't seen a new guy, a tourist, someone different in apperance, mannerisms, and socio-economical background, from the teenager boys they grew up with, so in that enviroment I was as popular as Rudolfo Valentino, just by being alive.

Then there are those women and men who've had bad relationships and would rather get a dog, find a friends with benefits, and live alone. All sorts of people out there. I know men and women who are in their 40s and 50s who still live with their parents, with some of them never having left their parents house in the first place, to others who moved out at the age of 25-30 to live with a romantic partner, things didn't work out, they returned to their parents home and never left again.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

23 hours ago, basil67 said:

Yes, they want this.  And if they are intelligent, they will want a man who is their intellectual equal.   Girls may play with a pretty boy toy for fun, but they will quickly tire of him if he can't think.   

Of course a non-academic young woman will be fine with a guy who's not academic.

And this is the thing about youth in general. I don't know why this is a difficult thing to understand. I mean most of us went through this time in our lives. How many people want exactly what they wanted in their 20s? Thinking about spending the night with someone is different from thinking about spending your life with someone. If anything people get more, not less, picky. What stupid annoying trait are we willing to put up with in our younger years for four hours in the name of fun? A lot...

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

People adapt.

Heterosexual women are going to want to pair up with hetero men, but there's a significant disparity in the number of men and men living in a city, state, foreign nation, living at a given time. When there's a lot more women living in a city than there are men, what happens is that fewer women will find a boyfriend, and the rest will stay single until the opportunity to meet men appears, or they will date the same guy. Either knowingly the guy's not dating just her, or having no idea what he's up to, and ending up dating a guy who is dating 5+ women at the same time and stringing them along.

Supply and demand. When I was a teenager, my parents took my to a tiny Italian village. Girls from that village amassed at the local coffee shop because I was there and they hadn't seen a new guy, a tourist, someone different in apperance, mannerisms, and socio-economical background, from the teenager boys they grew up with, so in that enviroment I was as popular as Rudolfo Valentino, just by being alive.

Then there are those women and men who've had bad relationships and would rather get a dog, find a friends with benefits, and live alone. All sorts of people out there. I know men and women who are in their 40s and 50s who still live with their parents, with some of them never having left their parents house in the first place, to others who moved out at the age of 25-30 to live with a romantic partner, things didn't work out, they returned to their parents home and never left again.

 

I hear this stuff all the time (usually from MGTOW skewed data), and yet...I still see people coupling up. Lots and lots and lots of people. People don't really "adapt" to a lack of love and support. They just turn into internet trolls. 😂 Most people don't NEED to adapt to never hooking up at the very least.

[basil67]

In my 20's all I wanted was a good guy, with similar morals and ethics who I got on well with.    These days, if I were single, I'm be so picky that I'd probably join the ranks of women who can't be bothered dating.

[Azincourt]

Quote

In the 60s and 70s it was the free love era and naturally when you being free with your love many will catch feelings. These days men and women pretty much can't stand each other. Increasingly the genders will be living separate lives and dealing with each other as little as possible. Millenials are already having much less sex than previous generations. It is a dark future for relationships.

Free love only until the AIDS epidemic. Then came the scare with HSV-1 and HSV-2, HPV, and other stds that aren't as common but still scary, and people became more peculiar about the people they slept with.

I dunno, I'm not Nostradamus, and I'm not Dr. Phil.  I don't know what everyone is up to, but the trouble with relationships is not that people can't stand each other these days. It's the enforced monogamy either via religion, societal pressure and expectations(gotta have kids, gotta get married) or it's because people have financial problems, and who wants to deal with financial problems plus someone's elses family, and all of the problems that comes from dating a woman seriously?

ehh, millennials are having much sex than previous generation because people these days don't take care of their physical looks. My parents have shown me pictures and videos of people from the 80's.  That would explain why millennials these days would rather watch porn or play video games than approach women, because for casual sex what matters the most to women is how a man looks/his charm/sense of humor, and the average millennial man isn't getting calls to role-cast as Superman at a warner bros audition is he.

Head out to places where both the women and men are more interested in earthly pleasures, like Santa Monica Beach or Saint-Tropez and you'll see a completely different reality.

Besides, solo sex means the risk of a woman getting pregnant or a man getting a woman pregnant is simply not there, and that is very attractive to many people.

18 years of child-support. That's money that could go into buying a Lamborghini Huracán. Sounds a lot more appealing than raising a kid, and not knowing how he's gonna turn out like. Will he be rich and famous? or will he be just another bum like everyone else, slavering away to pay for a mortggage for 30 + years, only to keep on paying property taxes, FREE MONEY for the state, until his death.

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I hear this stuff all the time (usually from MGTOW skewed data), and yet...I still see people coupling up. Lots and lots and lots of people. People don't really "adapt" to a lack of love and support. They just turn into internet trolls.  Most people don't NEED to adapt to never hooking up at the very least.

Hmm, depends on where the person is living.

In Brazil people are trying to adapt to not die over poverty and sickness, so love and support are essential because it's easier to get food on the table when there's 2 people working for it.

In the States, sure, love is great, but it's too suffocating. People want constant contact and attention. It's like having a dog, except my girlfriend won't bite someone's leg off if I get attacked,  and there have been men who've been known to do some rather silly things because they loved the woman they were with, like dying to protect her, losing limbs to protect her from losing her own.

That's very romantic, really,  but that would ruin the image my mirror projects back at me when I look at it, and of course, I enjoy being alive.

Edited September 7, 2020 by Azincourt

[basil67]

29 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

No need for that. What people desire and what people look for changes accordingly to their age because as they grow older their goals shift. A 21 year old woman has just graduated from college.  She's not rushing to get married.

She's not actively seeking to buy a house.  She's either living with roomates and saving her money, or she's living at her parent's and saving her money, or she's enjoying her time off from getting a 'real' job by going on a trip across the USA, across Europe, or she's traveling to places that are considered to be exotic by the west.

She meets guys, and things are pretty chill. There's no talk of, ''do you see yourself wanting to get married and have kids?'' 

Because she doesn't have that in mind just yet. She's looking to enjoy her time. She doesn't care about his college qualifications,  what he does for a living, and where he lives. All she wants is that the guy is funny, enjoyable to be around, and doesn't overwhelm her with wanting to 'lock her down' with a committed relationship, because she's exploring her options, as he is, and as everyone should especially at such a young age.

Women who are in their 30s to mid 30s have gone through several life-experiences that  either created or cemented an already existing desire for a family of her own,  or they came to the realization that  marriage, children, something like that ain't what she needs in her life. 

It's great that women go to college because that gives women the freedom to choose to being permanently single, if they don't want to get married, and if long-term relationships don't please her, and as such relationships that do happen have a higher chance of working out because the woman doesn't need him, and she's with him because she wants to.

Who is She?   I take it you're rebutting the whole premise of the discussion that young women want educated men?

29 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

What's wrng with wealthy, conservative men?

Yeah, but what does that have anything to do with a successful marriage? 

My parents have been happily married to each other for 40+ years and they don't share much in common if at all, they have different political stances, my father loves cars and airplanes and cutting down trees for wood for the winter, my dad is former military so he loves going to military parades and bases, whereas my mother loves the beach, the sea, the nightclub life, music festivals, she loves being around dogs, and she spends a lot of her time around flowers.

If people needed their partner's hobbies, interests, stances, belief-system etc, people wouldn't pair up all that much.

I thought I was clear about my daughter's views on wealthy conservative men.  S.H.O.U.L.D  I  T.Y.P.E  M.O.R.E.  S.L.O.W.L.Y?

Anyway, she's not reading this thread and doesn't care about your parents.  

[Azincourt]

Quote

Who is She?   I take it you're rebutting the whole premise of the discussion that young women want educated men?

Who is she whom?

I'm talking about the women I've met. From California all the way to Russia(not the poor side of Russia).

I ain't rebutting anything.  There are young women who want a college man, and there are women who don't, and the majority of women might even want to marry Prince William but they will never get that. The majority of men in the USA, France, Germany, Spain, South Africa etc do not go to college, and amongst those who do go to college, many just drop out before getting a diploma.

There are young women who do have an expressed, '' have a college degree or don't bother sending your boyfriend application,'' but most aren't as peculiar about a college degree, and if the man has other characteristics about him, he can even be a construction worker for all she cares.

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I thought I was clear about my daughter's views on wealthy conservative men.  S.H.O.U.L.D  I  T.Y.P.E  M.O.R.E.  S.L.O.W.L.Y?

Sounds like your daughter is the one responsible for not having the romantic life she's looking for. Rejecting wealthy conservative men because of this and that is like me rejecting a middle-class woman because she's a communist and I'm a monarchist, and I've successfully dated women like that. Well, until they decided they wanted to ruin my life by wanting to take the relationship ''to the next step.''

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Anyway, she's not reading this thread and doesn't care about your parents.  

Well, I don't care about average-looking women, so it's no bones either way.

[CaliforniaGirl]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

In my 20's all I wanted was a good guy, with similar morals and ethics who I got on well with.    These days, if I were single, I'm be so picky that I'd probably join the ranks of women who can't be bothered dating.

Me too. 😂😂😂 

[Azincourt]

Quote

In my 20's all I wanted was a good guy, with similar morals and ethics who I got on well with.    These days, if I were single, I'm be so picky that I'd probably join the ranks of women who can't be bothered dating.

Then don't date.  If I was surrounded by women I'm not attracted to, I wouldn't even bother. I'd just date men.  Being bisexual pays off either way.

[Woggle]

Video games and porn have somewhat to do with it but the internet in general has a radicalizing affect. If you were bitter towards the opposite sex back in the day you had actively seek out people who felt the same as you do and by the time you did chances are you calmed down by then. 

These days you can just go on reddit or any other site and read all the rhetoric you want about how women are untrustworthy and hypergamous and only want alpha chades or about how men are trash and all they do is use up a woman's emotional labor. You can spend hours upon hours working yourself into a frenzy and by the time you are done you barely even want to look at a member of the opposite sex. When these people then venture into the offline world do you think those feelings are turned off? Dating has just completely gone down the tubes.

[CaliforniaGirl]

12 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Free love only until the AIDS epidemic. Then came the scare with HSV-1 and HSV-2, HPV, and other stds that aren't as common but still scary, and people became more peculiar about the people they slept with.

I dunno, I'm not Nostradamus, and I'm not Dr. Phil.  I don't know what everyone is up to, but the trouble with relationships is not that people can't stand each other these days. It's the enforced monogamy either via religion, societal pressure and expectations(gotta have kids, gotta get married) or it's because people have financial problems, and who wants to deal with financial problems plus someone's elses family, and all of the problems that comes from dating a woman seriously?

ehh, millennials are having much sex than previous generation because people these days don't take care of their physical looks. My parents have shown me pictures and videos of people from the 80's.  That would explain why millennials these days would rather watch porn or play video games than approach women, because for casual sex what matters the most to women is how a man looks/his charm/sense of humor, and the average millennial man isn't getting calls to role-cast as Superman at a warner bros audition is he.

Head out to places where both the women and men are more interested in earthly pleasures, like Santa Monica Beach or Saint-Tropez and you'll see a completely different reality.

Besides, solo sex means the risk of a woman getting pregnant or a man getting a woman pregnant is simply not there, and that is very attractive to many people.

18 years of child-support. That's money that could go into buying a Lamborghini Huracán. Sounds a lot more appealing than raising a kid, and not knowing how he's gonna turn out like. Will he be rich and famous? or will he be just another bum like everyone else, slavering away to pay for a mortggage for 30 + years, only to keep on paying property taxes, FREE MONEY for the state, until his death.

Hmm, depends on where the person is living.

In Brazil people are trying to adapt to not die over poverty and sickness, so love and support are essential because it's easier to get food on the table when there's 2 people working for it.

In the States, sure, love is great, but it's too suffocating. People want constant contact and attention. It's like having a dog, except my girlfriend won't bite someone's leg off if I get attacked,  and there have been men who've been known to do some rather silly things because they loved the woman they were with, like dying to protect her, losing limbs to protect her from losing her own.

That's very romantic, really,  but that would ruin the image my mirror projects back at me when I look at it, and of course, I enjoy being alive.

I was a late teen until the mid-80s. BEFORE AIDS we definitely were NOT talking about free love or ten people living together and naming our kids Moonbeam or something. 😂 That was for old people and their weird pasts. 😅 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, Azincourt said:

Then don't date.  If I was surrounded by women I'm not attracted to, I wouldn't even bother. I'd just date men.  Being bisexual pays off either way.

Don't date because she'd want a great guy? 🤔

People can date if they like, or not date if they like.I

I'm not sure whether you're living in the 1950s or on the moon. 😄

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 minutes ago, Woggle said:

Video games and porn have somewhat to do with it but the internet in general has a radicalizing affect. If you were bitter towards the opposite sex back in the day you had actively seek out people who felt the same as you do and by the time you did chances are you calmed down by then. 

These days you can just go on reddit or any other site and read all the rhetoric you want about how women are untrustworthy and hypergamous and only want alpha chades or about how men are trash and all they do is use up a woman's emotional labor. You can spend hours upon hours working yourself into a frenzy and by the time you are done you barely even want to look at a member of the opposite sex. When these people then venture into the offline world do you think those feelings are turned off? Dating has just completely gone down the tubes.

That's true.