Citing age as a reason for settling 'I'm not getting any younger!

[Weezy1973]

I think there’s a contingent of men who don’t think they have much to offer besides being the main breadwinner. If women make their own money, what do they have to offer? What’s their value?

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

I think there’s a contingent of men who don’t think they have much to offer besides being the main breadwinner. If women make their own money, what do they have to offer? What’s their value?

[Weezy1973]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Similar to women that believe if they’re not youthful and sexually appealing they don’t have much value. 

[Ruby Slippers]

42 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I think there’s a contingent of men who don’t think they have much to offer besides being the main breadwinner. If women make their own money, what do they have to offer? What’s their value?

I'm sure, but this isn't the kind of guy I usually attract. I usually date leader of the pack guys who are accomplished, make plenty of money to support a household, see it as a point of pride that their wife has the luxury of focusing on the family and household rather than work, and like to be defined as the leader in every realm including the family/household. These guys have lots of dating options and choose what they like.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

Similar to women that believe if they’re not youthful and sexually appealing they don’t have much value. 

I'm not sure women believe this so much as some men try to tell them that. In fact, women are frequently accused of having *too much* self-esteem and of going on SM to be told they're beautiful and all that. I have a feeling it's sort of negging so the woman will agree to go out with the guy she's not too attracted to, but I don't think it works very often.

It could also be that you don't have to be youthful to be sexy. I think pretty much anybody over 20 or so knows that. It's not a new concept, you know? It doesn't have to be a "youthful and sexy" or...not...thing...that itself sounds like a neg, LOL.  

People could always try just having decent personalities or something. If they wanted to.

 

Edited September 9, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

31 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I'm sure, but this isn't the kind of guy I usually attract. I usually date leader of the pack guys who are accomplished, make plenty of money to support a household, see it as a point of pride that their wife has the luxury of focusing on the family and household rather than work, and like to be defined as the leader in every realm including the family/household. These guys have lots of dating options and choose what they like.

I didn't like dating alpha (if you will) types, but nearly all the men I've ever dated did take pride in having a good career and wanted to be accomplished.

[Weezy1973]

6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I'm not sure women believe this so much as some men try to tell them that.

Yes for sure, the women that place their value in their physical appeal are a minority, and perhaps more common amongst teens and young women, but I do think there’s a subset of women that do. 
 

And with men, the ones that only see their value as being a provider would also be a minority. But that minority is also more likely then to rail against career women and how they’re trying to act like men. And try to convince those women how they lose their appeal to men, when in fact that doesn’t seem to be true at all. They just lose the appeal for men that feel their only value revolves around being a provider.

[Ruby Slippers]

17 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

And with men, the ones that only see their value as being a provider would also be a minority. But that minority is also more likely then to rail against career women and how they’re trying to act like men. And try to convince those women how they lose their appeal to men, when in fact that doesn’t seem to be true at all. They just lose the appeal for men that feel their only value revolves around being a provider.

You're painting things in black and white but there are shades of gray. 

The provider-mindset men I've dated never railed against career women. In my experience, strong, capable men are attracted to strong, capable women. But they don't see the career marketplace as the only place to express one's power and capabilities. 

None I've dated has ever been of the "upgrading" mindset in terms of a partner. It's more about finding a really good woman and building something that will last. 

They also don't see their only value as being a provider. On the contrary, they tend to be overly confident, and think they're the best in just about every department (looks, bedroom, soft skills, career achievement, great buddy, adventurer, etc.), and if not they constantly strive to improve.

These men do have their weak points - ego issues, especially - but the stereotype you're painting doesn't hold up.

[Weezy1973]

29 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

These men do have their weak points - ego issues, especially - but the stereotype you're painting doesn't hold up.

The stereo type isn’t about provider type men. It’s about men who feel their ONLY value is being a provider. That is, many men just see being a provider as a small part of what they bring to a relationship. Fun, sex, good conversation, etc. may also be part of the package.

The men that are angry about women having careers don’t see themselves as having much else to offer besides money. 

[Ruby Slippers]

I've never known a guy in real life who seems angry about women who work - I've only read their rants on the internet

[QuietRiot]

7 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Those are occurences within the baby-boomer population. Very few millennials with the exception of rich athletes and actors have that happen to them.  Plenty of my friends from high school and college have already had their starter marriage and their starter divorce and they ain't paying anything other than child-support. 

The secret is to marry a woman who makes more money than you, so when your wife divorces you or you divorce her,  you won't lose out on anything.  You won't lose the house and you won't lose the money. Of course if you play it smart you don't even buy a house together. Each of you chill in your own house and meet a few times a week, for dinner, for intellectual conversations about the Great Emur War of 1932, then each back to your house, and when the divorce takes place, everyone will leave it without becoming poorer for it.

Yea, I knew this woman that had like 8 kids, a personal trainer. Smokin' hot for her age. She actually seemed pretty nice, didn't seem materialistic, but was a stay at home mom ALL Her life. I think alimony is justified when such a person has never been to college or had a job all their lives as they were too busy raising kids

[Woggle]

5 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

I think there’s a contingent of men who don’t think they have much to offer besides being the main breadwinner. If women make their own money, what do they have to offer? What’s their value?

To be fair there are a number of male bashers who constantly stress how unneeded and unwanted men are now that women make their own money. They act like men are obsolete now that women make their own money so are we really surprised that some men actually believe it? 

[Weezy1973]

7 minutes ago, Woggle said:

To be fair there are a number of male bashers who constantly stress how unneeded and unwanted men are now that women make their own money. They act like men are obsolete now that women make their own money so are we really surprised that some men actually believe it? 

That must be exceedingly rare. I don’t doubt you’re right, but it certainly isn’t in any numbers large enough to actually have a meaningful impact.

[Woggle]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

That must be exceedingly rare. I don’t doubt you’re right, but it certainly isn’t in any numbers large enough to actually have a meaningful impact.

You go to certain corners of the internet and you hear it all the time. It is all about how men are overgrown children and if a woman has own her money she is better off without one. I don't agree with men who think like this but I understand how a man would just say the hell with it and try and get a stepford wife. It's unhealthy but understandable. 

[major_merrick]

I settled.  Not really like "I lowered my standards" but I tamed down enough for my husband to handle me.  I got a view of reality instead of seeking perfection.  We married because we'd been friends for years, and realistically, I'm NOT getting any younger.  I can't count on my looks forever, and sooner or later having a stable family was worth more than wild adventure.  It has worked out for me, and I'm happier now than when I made my choice.   

I think a lot of women (and men) have the idea that marriage or even an LTR is a burden.  Putting up with someone's BS in exchange for help with the bills, STD-free sex, producing offspring (if desired) and having a second driver to rescue you when your car breaks.  So they look and look for someone who carries the least amount of baggage so they have the least amount of BS to put up with in exchange for getting what they want.  Then they find out that it wasn't what they signed up for, and so they're unhappy.

I guess I had an advantage.  My husband and I (and our other committed partners) all carry MASSIVE baggage.  I call our family "the basket of broken things."  We had no pipe dreams about total bliss, sleep without nightmares, good health, huge bank accounts, no secrets, etc.  Knowing the reality and settling for it can minimize conflict. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

The stereo type isn’t about provider type men. It’s about men who feel their ONLY value is being a provider. That is, many men just see being a provider as a small part of what they bring to a relationship. Fun, sex, good conversation, etc. may also be part of the package.

The men that are angry about women having careers don’t see themselves as having much else to offer besides money. 

I think those men are few, right?

[Weezy1973]

17 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I think those men are few, right?

Few, but concentrated on the internet. And probably make up some of the incels...

[QuietRiot]

1 hour ago, major_merrick said:

I settled.  Not really like "I lowered my standards" but I tamed down enough for my husband to handle me.  I got a view of reality instead of seeking perfection.  We married because we'd been friends for years, and realistically, I'm NOT getting any younger.  I can't count on my looks forever, and sooner or later having a stable family was worth more than wild adventure.  It has worked out for me, and I'm happier now than when I made my choice.   

I think a lot of women (and men) have the idea that marriage or even an LTR is a burden.  Putting up with someone's BS in exchange for help with the bills, STD-free sex, producing offspring (if desired) and having a second driver to rescue you when your car breaks.  So they look and look for someone who carries the least amount of baggage so they have the least amount of BS to put up with in exchange for getting what they want.  Then they find out that it wasn't what they signed up for, and so they're unhappy.

I guess I had an advantage.  My husband and I (and our other committed partners) all carry MASSIVE baggage.  I call our family "the basket of broken things."  We had no pipe dreams about total bliss, sleep without nightmares, good health, huge bank accounts, no secrets, etc.  Knowing the reality and settling for it can minimize conflict. 

Yeah, I had often wondered women who had put me in the friend zone will later finally decide to say "Screw it, I'll marry that guy that was trying to turn me around about him!" lol 

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Yeah, I had often wondered women who had put me in the friend zone will later finally decide to say "Screw it, I'll marry that guy that was trying to turn me around about him!" lol 

But you don't want that, do you?

[Erik30]

5 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Yeah, I had often wondered women who had put me in the friend zone will later finally decide to say "Screw it, I'll marry that guy that was trying to turn me around about him!" lol 

I think this is one of the reasons why people who settled might end up cheating. At some point they will miss not being with someone they're totally attracted to. (And then they meet that person who fits that "perfect image")

[Azincourt]

15 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

I think there’s a contingent of men who don’t think they have much to offer besides being the main breadwinner. If women make their own money, what do they have to offer? What’s their value?

None. Their value is zero. 

Because these are men who are lazy and are too stubborn to make themselves worthy of dating the women they want to date.

Let's be frank here. When a man complains about his lack of luck with women, he's not talking about how he's tried time after time, decade after decade, to get an overweight/obese/homely looking girlfriend who has no social skills to her and little to offer that he values.

what he's doing is letting us know that the woman he's interested in is young, charming, an extrovert, and she's attractive and fit.

Well guess what, man,  those women have more men after them than bees have bears chasing after their honey.

These men act like they're Robert Pattinson and they're chasing after and pursuing women who are a non-famous version of Kirsten Stewart, or a 21 year old Kirsten Dunst. Of course they are going to fail. Even men who are actually physically attractive, college-educated, good folks, with a good social life still fail all the time with women like the women I've just mentioned.

If guys were to hire a personal trainer, if they told the guy that they want to have the same body build Brad Pitt had in Fight Club, if they were to save up the money for a hair transplant operation if they're losing their hair, or if it's thinning - their chances of being of any worth to the women they desire and yearn for would increase greatly.

I used to look like an absolute twin brother of Leonardo Dicaprio back in his Titanic days, so I used to get a lot more gay men interested in me than women were ever up until the moment I decided to hit the gym. I went from 160lbs to 230lbs at 6% body fat and suddenly it was like landing on an Alien planet.

Not only did I start getting the women I wanted to get with(tall, young, blonde, fit, very pretty) but those women made it easy for me by going up to me and saying they wanted to have sex with. Granted, it doesn't happen often, most of the time they just stare at me and send signals of interest like they're the Lighthouse of Alexandria and I'm a sailor lost at sea for 20 years and can barely see the feet under my legs, but transforming my body from professional soccer player to that of a divine greek god made me go from 'loser' to winner, with the women I wanted to win with.

I don't really that some men are not going to be able to get the perfect girlfriend. I don't even give 2 cents about the men who are never going to have a girlfriend, for whatever reason is keeping them from finding a girlfriend.  Men compete with each other, and some men are just born to be perma losers. That is all there is to it. Accept it, or they can go do the things I said they could do to be noticed by women.

If that fails, get rich. Lots of rich old men are married to beautiful young women.

Edited September 10, 2020 by Azincourt

[QuietRiot]

5 hours ago, enigma32 said:

Some of them might, if you stick around long enough. I have seen some of those orbiters finally get a chance...eventually. I can't remember a time when that chance actually worked out for them though. 

Well, in the case of my original post, my friend said this woman that he's now married (after only dated for about a month), was someone he had a friends with benefits fling with back in the day.

Since then, his dating life had been long dry spells, as he wasn't really having much luck with women, until she came back into his life for whatever reason. When people saw his FB status go from dating to engaged in barely a month, they were like "WTF?" lol

[QuietRiot]

33 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

None. Their value is zero. 

Because these are men who are lazy and are too stubborn to make themselves worthy of dating the women they want to date.

Let's be frank here. When a man complains about his lack of luck with women, he's not talking about how he's tried time after time, decade after decade, to get an overweight/obese/homely looking girlfriend who has no social skills to her and little to offer that he values.

what he's doing is letting us know that the woman he's interested in is young, charming, an extrovert, and she's attractive and fit.

Well guess what, man,  those women have more men after them than bees have bears chasing after their honey.

These men act like they're Robert Pattinson and they're chasing after and pursuing women who are a non-famous version of Kirsten Stewart, or a 21 year old Kirsten Dunst. Of course they are going to fail. Even men who are actually physically attractive, college-educated, good folks, with a good social life still fail all the time with women like the women I've just mentioned.

If guys were to hire a personal trainer, if they told the guy that they want to have the same body build Brad Pitt had in Fight Club, if they were to save up the money for a hair transplant operation if they're losing their hair, or if it's thinning - their chances of being of any worth to the women they desire and yearn for would increase greatly.

I used to look like an absolute twin brother of Leonardo Dicaprio back in his Titanic days, so I used to get a lot more gay men interested in me than women were ever up until the moment I decided to hit the gym. I went from 160lbs to 230lbs at 6% body fat and suddenly it was like landing on an Alien planet.

Not only did I start getting the women I wanted to get with(tall, young, blonde, fit, very pretty) but those women made it easy for me by going up to me and saying they wanted to have sex with. Granted, it doesn't happen often, most of the time they just stare at me and send signals of interest like they're the Lighthouse of Alexandria and I'm a sailor lost at sea for 20 years and can barely see the feet under my legs, but transforming my body from professional soccer player to that of a divine greek god made me go from 'loser' to winner, with the women I wanted to win with.

I don't really that some men are not going to be able to get the perfect girlfriend. I don't even give 2 cents about the men who are never going to have a girlfriend, for whatever reason is keeping them from finding a girlfriend.  Men compete with each other, and some men are just born to be perma losers. That is all there is to it. Accept it, or they can go do the things I said they could do to be noticed by women.

If that fails, get rich. Lots of rich old men are married to beautiful young women.

I don't know what your obsession with hair transplants are about. lol. But...a lot of women are cool with bald guys. Also, you don't have to built like Brad Pitt or whomever to snag the ladies....of course, you'd more than likely snag ladies that hot and in shape if men did what you recommended, but if I can snag a chunky gal, I'm good with that if I do some exercising and proper diet.

Hell, I get shocked when I see guys with beer bellies dating a lady marathon runner. (Seen this lady at my gym, saw this dude with her on FB, said it was her honey, dude looked like he had a mullet hair cut and an egg on legs) lol

 

These men act like they're Robert Pattinson and they're chasing after and pursuing women who are a non-famous version of Kirsten Stewart, or a 21 year old Kirsten Dunst. Of course they are going to fail. Even men who are actually physically attractive, college-educated, good folks, with a good social life still fail all the time with women like the women I've just mentioned.

I know I don't act as such, I aim at my level of women.

Edited September 10, 2020 by QuietRiot

[QuietRiot]

2 hours ago, Erik30 said:

I think this is one of the reasons why people who settled might end up cheating. At some point they will miss not being with someone they're totally attracted to. (And then they meet that person who fits that "perfect image")

If you think about it, people will eventually figure how foolish they were being with their unrealistic expectations and a dose a reality hits them and finally realize that that guy that wasn't necessarily 6 feet tall, would be a good husband to them.

[Erik30]

11 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

If you think about it, people will eventually figure how foolish they were being with their unrealistic expectations and a dose a reality hits them and finally realize that that guy that wasn't necessarily 6 feet tall, would be a good husband to them.

True. If you're a big fat guy and you're holding out for a swimsuit model... That's probably not going to happen. 

What I mean by "settling" is being with someone you know you're just not really into, but they're "nice" and they like you so you think why not.