Author Nova28 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) By the way, this was his actual text he sent me and I am honestly confused by it. I asked him if he was hanging out with tinder girls as "friends" too "I am enjoying figuring myself out through this journey, gaining knowledge from others, and the company of others I care about. You told me you were ok with being friends and now you're trying to chain me down." What does he mean by "and the company of others I care about." Is he saying he already cares about a girl hes hanging out with from tinder or is he speaking in general terms? Edited September 1, 2020 by Nova28 Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 I think you are splitting hairs trying to attach more meaning into his message that isn't there to fit whatever narrative you have in your mind regarding this guy. There's nothing confusing about his message. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and that's all you really need to know. Also, you can care about someone or anyone for that matter and not be in a relationship with them. There are also different varying degrees of "caring" as well. So questioning what exactly he meant by that is pointless. I frankly doubt he meant anything more about that cursory remark. 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 25 minutes ago, Nova28 said: What does he mean by "and the company of others I care about." All the Tinderellas he's sleeping with and spreading STDs around with. If you slept with this guy get to a clinic for STD testing.😷 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Nova28 said: What does he mean by "and the company of others I care about." Is he saying he already cares about a girl hes hanging out with from tinder or is he speaking in general terms? It means he's dating other women. That's it. He's dressed it up a bit, but that's all it means. There's no way we can possibly tell you if he's referring to someone specific or not. In end, does it really matter if he already cares about them or not? Or if it's one specific women or all his Tinder dates in general? It doesn't change the end result for you, which is that he doesn't want a relationship with you or to be exclusive while he searches for his next girlfriend. Over-analyzing a few words that don't make much difference is going to drive you crazy. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, Nova28 said: By the way, this was his actual text he sent me and I am honestly confused by it. I asked him if he was hanging out with tinder girls as "friends" too "I am enjoying figuring myself out through this journey, gaining knowledge from others, and the company of others I care about. You told me you were ok with being friends and now you're trying to chain me down." What does he mean by "and the company of others I care about." Is he saying he already cares about a girl hes hanging out with from tinder or is he speaking in general terms? Oh Nova28. Breakups are hard, aren't they. You need to move on. You are clearly not ready to do that yet if you are picking over every text of his, to search for hidden meaning that matches the narrative inside your head that he really doesn't mean what he says; he really does want to be exclusive with you. No, he doesn't want to be exclusive with you. He's even written that in the above text message. He is dating other women because he isn't ready for an exclusive relationship -- with YOU or with anyone. You have got to stop this obsessing and dwelling and reading between the lines. It's doing you no good. You are clinging to a false hope like Leonardo DeCaprio did in 'Titanic' in hopes that you'll be rescued. Well, he drowned, didn't he. Sacrificed his life for Kate Winslet's Rose. Like you are sacrificing your self-esteem and dignity, over a guy who has clearly stated to you in person and text message that he's not interested in dating you exclusively. It hurts. I know. But you have.to.stop. He's not the only guy out there. You are 28 not 98. There is plenty of time for you to meet a guy who will WANT to date you exclusively; whom you won't need to beg, chase, or hound, to do it. Edited September 1, 2020 by Watercolors Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 5 hours ago, Nova28 said: "I am enjoying figuring myself out through this journey, gaining knowledge from others, and the company of others I care about. You told me you were ok with being friends and now you're trying to chain me down." What does he mean by "and the company of others I care about." Is he saying he already cares about a girl hes hanging out with from tinder or is he speaking in general terms? Might be... might be talking about women he's known for a very long time, either as buddies or FWB's... either way, he's not talking about you. He doesn't want to be your man. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Who cares what his text means? He's made it clear he's seeing other women and isn't interested in dating only you. Move in, because there's nothing to salvage with this guy. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 On 8/29/2020 at 2:31 AM, Nova28 said: I have been seeing a guy for 3-4 months. At first he agreed to be in a relationship but then after about a month and a half said even though hes falling in love with me, he isnt ready for a relationship but said we can continue seeing each other. At this point you should have ended things as he basically said to you, he only wants to keep seeing you for sex. Learn from this mistake, don't keep running back to someone who only wants to see you for one thing. Oh and no doubt about it, he is not on Tinder just to chat. He is on there to have sex with other women, which he most likely has been doing all this time. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2020 Share Posted September 5, 2020 First clue of player BS...Love bombing : Love bombing is the practice of showering a person with excessive affection and attention in order to gain control or significantly influence their behavior. The love bomber's attention might feel good, but the motive is all about manipulation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 All of this can easily be avoided by simply having boundaries and then enforcing them. You want a relationship and this is your boundary. If the other person is not on the same page then you enforce the boundary by removing them from your life. This takes discipline and self control. It means being able to walk away from pleasure, companionship or any other form of pleasure or comfort you might be receiving from staying with the person (usually secondary gain rather than anything good though). Your words do not match your behavior so you've communicated to the guy that you have no boundaries, that your words mean nothing, and that you do not have self control. Not only will this mean he won't take you seriously, but he is even less likely to commit, but will still use you because he knows you will not enforce any of what you say. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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