QuietRiot Posted August 29, 2020 Share Posted August 29, 2020 BS or not? There was an opportunity for me make may way to ask a woman out. This is a woman I've known for years, but we haven't been in touch. Mostly Facebook friends and had been doing social gatherings YEARS ago. The time I knew her, she was single/unattached, and be pretty flirty with me at times. I think a lot of guys were wanting her badly. Anywho...the timing wasn't particularity right during time and she met someone and married him. He was actually a stranger when they met at a bar venue among her current friendship circle. They had been married like 7 or 8 years. One time I went to a Halloween party and she and her husband was there. Me and her hadn't talked in ages...and she was kind of a little extra chummy with me when I was getting ready to leave the party. I think the husband (now ex) got a little jealous of that. I dunno. She's been divorced for quite a few months now. I wasn't going to try to ask her out because...you know...divorced. One time, she invited me to some Over 40s video gamer group. Been a member for a while...talked games on the discussion board...for a woman over 40, she's a major comic book and movie geek. Video games, etc. Honestly, she's beautiful and would be an ideal match. I think that was the part that was scary, I felt back then, that other geeky dudes would be "thirsting" over her..and I'm guessing they are still are. Anyways, the subject of dating came up in that group. She chimes in and says, "I am looking for someone over 45, emotionally and financially stable!" This was my opportunity to chime in and say, "Hey, I meet all of the above...shall we talk? :)" She goes, "No, I don't date in my social circle...too much drama" And I say, "Really, I figured It'd be even more of a reason since we already know each other, yes? Plus, I'm drama free! lol" Still...nada. I guess she prefers dating total strangers, something I am trying to avoid. I kind of call BS on this, because she's a major social butterfly and had acquired a ton of FB friends, many of whom she USED to hang out with...but are no longer in touch. Hell, I am out of that circle as far as I'm concerned...so..but she said we've known each other for too long for this to even be a consideration. Funny...usually this is the best way to meet people, through actual social circles...but for some reason, they are opposed to it. If you think about it, wouldn't you say it's not really a wise move to prefer to date outside your social circle? Perhaps relationship problems occurred moreso when you met as total strangers? I've heard the BEST "how we met" stories were through social circles. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted August 29, 2020 Share Posted August 29, 2020 Off course it's BS. It's an excuse to say she is not interested in you. Don't waste any more time on her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted August 29, 2020 Share Posted August 29, 2020 (edited) It could easily be excuse. But...I also see the point to it. It's like dating someone at work. What happens when you break up but you still have to see each other every day? With friends what happens if an ugly breakup happens or just a fight, some of your friends take sides, and all of a sudden half your friends are gone? How do you talk to your mutual friends about your relationship and how about putting them in a position of having to keep secrets from the other friends? How about when one of you is miffed but you're all friends so you all go out together and everybody can feel the uncomfortable vibe? If you've been really open friends before that and could tell one another then that's probably going to stop, to an extent. Or change. It's just different.I I'm not saying bad things would have to happen, but they can. And that IS something to think about and it could be a dissuader for sure. Just messy. Edited August 29, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted August 30, 2020 Author Share Posted August 30, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: It could easily be excuse. But...I also see the point to it. It's like dating someone at work. What happens when you break up but you still have to see each other every day? With friends what happens if an ugly breakup happens or just a fight, some of your friends take sides, and all of a sudden half your friends are gone? How do you talk to your mutual friends about your relationship and how about putting them in a position of having to keep secrets from the other friends? How about when one of you is miffed but you're all friends so you all go out together and everybody can feel the uncomfortable vibe? If you've been really open friends before that and could tell one another then that's probably going to stop, to an extent. Or change. It's just different.I I'm not saying bad things would have to happen, but they can. And that IS something to think about and it could be a dissuader for sure. Just messy. The thing is, none of which you describes is no where NEAR this situation...so I am scratching my head on this one. I am no longer in touch with many of her friends anymore. They are barely acquaintance level, if anything. Basically, I have been FAR removed from that circle for YEARS. And so has she, but I guess she considers Facebook "Friends" social circle enough as she's highly active on the platform. For some reason, in this situation, I don't see it as a viable reason as I haven't been hanging out with those people for years. I can currently count on one hand how many close friends I have. What's ironic is, isn't this is how most people have met and even got married? I think a good percentage of people have told me "through friends" when asked how they met each other. She's a major social butterfly, and she probably values her FB friends as an equivalent or whatever. lol. I think that's the disadvantage of dating someone that's highly social-able. Edited August 30, 2020 by QuietRiot Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 It doesn’t matter if the reason is BS or true. What matters is the message behind the reason. And the message is a kindly No Thanks 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 Face it, it was an excuse, sorry to say. Yes people meet through social circles but it is often a friend of a friend or "I work with this girl/guy that would love to meet you", or people meet at parties/social gatherings. The core friend group tend to have either dated amongst each other when they were young or have always looked outside the friend group for partners, for all the reasons @CaliforniaGirl described. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted September 3, 2020 Share Posted September 3, 2020 As to the original question. All depends. It is just one step away from not dating someone from work, part of the concept of don't dump where you live in my mind. I've dated in my social circle and it can be awkward when things end; never again for me...not that I'm dating now. Or more precisely, the person would have to be near perfect for me to ever take that risk again and don't know any such woman in my social circle at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted September 4, 2020 Share Posted September 4, 2020 Do you really think that if she was attracted to you that being in the same social circle would stop her? You put her on the spot in public and even when she said no, you kept going. All the reasons women give you for not dating you boil down to “I’m not attracted to you” but you seem to have trouble accepting that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 4, 2020 Share Posted September 4, 2020 All you needed to hear is "NO." Move on. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted September 4, 2020 Author Share Posted September 4, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, jspice said: Do you really think that if she was attracted to you that being in the same social circle would stop her? You put her on the spot in public and even when she said no, you kept going. All the reasons women give you for not dating you boil down to “I’m not attracted to you” but you seem to have trouble accepting that. I only kept going (only one shot at selling her on it) because I have known her for a while, plus she's had a history of flirting with me....so it just made sense. Wouldn't have done it with a woman I didn't know. Then, I moved on. 😉 Edited September 4, 2020 by QuietRiot Link to post Share on other sites
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