the dating game

[MSC]

i have a question, after being divorced for a year and a half now I don't understand how this dating thing works. I was married for quite a few years and suffered alot of mental abuse from my ex husband. i go out now a single person and meet all these guys that want no relationships because they have been hurt in the past. so was i but that isnt making me run from a commitment. i met a couple of what i thought were nice guys, dated them several months, i thought things were headed in a serious direction (yes I stupidly slept with them) i thought that that still meant a realationship but i was wrong and got the your nice but i"m free kind of guy speech and got dumped. arent there any guys who still want a serious relationship out there? i feel so discouraged that i don't think i want to date any more. if i don't then i don't get used, hurt or mislead. Right?

[wombat]

why buy the milk if the cow is free?

i have a question, after being divorced for a year and a half now I don't understand how this dating thing works. I was married for quite a few years and suffered alot of mental abuse from my ex husband. i go out now a single person and meet all these guys that want no relationships because they have been hurt in the past. so was i but that isnt making me run from a commitment. i met a couple of what i thought were nice guys, dated them several months, i thought things were headed in a serious direction (yes I stupidly slept with them) i thought that that still meant a realationship but i was wrong and got the your nice but i"m free kind of guy speech and got dumped. arent there any guys who still want a serious relationship out there? i feel so discouraged that i don't think i want to date any more. if i don't then i don't get used, hurt or mislead. Right?

[sparkle]

That's an interesting way of putting it, but I agree.

 

Don't sleep with them too soon, or else they'll lose respect for you and won't have much to look forward to.

 

Most guys I know see it like this. They see two types of girls. One type are the "easy" ones, those they can sleep with quickly, without any commitment, any promises. While it's great that they can get them in the sack quickly, these aren't the ones they want to get in a committed relationship with. They can't fully trust a girl that will sleep with them so soon. Besides, there's no challenge left, nothing to chase after...

 

The second type are the "keepers". This is the girl that, no matter how hard the guy tries, she still won't sleep with him too soon. This is the girl that makes him chase her...and chase her...and she still won't sleep with any guy. And even if chases her, there's no guarantee that she'll sleep with him at all, cause she knows that she'll become that intimate with only "a chosen few". And when many guys see this, they realize that she doesn't sleep around with just ANYONE. They can trust her more. They want to spend their time and effort on her. They want to keep chasing her. They know that, at the right time, she will sleep with him.

 

I think I described that enough, so you get my point.

 

It's up to you. You can sleep with them after you know them for only a couple weeks, and risk them labeling you as the "easy" type. Or, if you're looking for guys to spend a longer amount of time with and be in a meaningful relationship with, work on being a "keeper".

 

One more thing to add...you may just have been unlucky by meeting jerks who just want to get in your pants. Just be patient, and get to know a person well, before you even try to get involved with them on a long-term basis. That way, you can get to know what they really want from you.

 

why buy the milk if the cow is free?

[Tony T]

My mama always told me there are no free lunches and no free cows. And she was right.

 

But sometimes you can be treated to free milk, but not often.