Ex reached out to me after 5 months

[Hpchic]

So my ex broke up with me back in March.  I went NC this whole time.  A few months ago he texted me an apology to which I didn’t respond to.  Last Monday he texted me asking how I and my family were doing, I responded saying we were ok and hoped his family is ok too.  Fast forward to last night he texts me saying he’s sorry again and asks if he can see me tomorrow night for dinner (meaning tonight).  I responded telling him to call me since I would feel odd meeting up with him after 5 months of not exchanging any words with each other.  Well he never called, and it’s 7pm the next day.  I just don’t get it, he wants to see me but can’t call me?  It’s just odd, isn’t it?  

[mark clemson]

Yes. Either he changed his mind or something came up.

I think it was me, IF I was genuinely interested I'd text once to ask what happened and gauge the response. If I had little to no interest in re-connecting, I'd simply disregard. No sense in having a Ex orbiter interfering with you moving on...

[Hpchic]

2 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Yes. Either he changed his mind or something came up.

I think it was me, IF I was genuinely interested I'd text once to ask what happened and gauge the response. If I had little to no interest in re-connecting, I'd simply disregard. No sense in having a Ex orbiter interfering with you moving on...

I wouldn’t mind seeing him again but I just find this behavior odd.  Could he really have changed his mind in the course of half hour (that’s how long it took me to respond)?  I have this feeling he may be scared to call me out of fear that I might turn him down over the phone or something.

[mark clemson]

It is odd. In that case consider texting and saying you're interested in talking and asking about what happened/why he didn't call and see what happens. IF fears of rejection are driving this, then you saying you're interested in talking should (in theory) alleviate that. It is always tricky when we don't know what's going on at the other end, so proceed with some caution.

[Hpchic]

15 hours ago, mark clemson said:

It is odd. In that case consider texting and saying you're interested in talking and asking about what happened/why he didn't call and see what happens. IF fears of rejection are driving this, then you saying you're interested in talking should (in theory) alleviate that. It is always tricky when we don't know what's going on at the other end, so proceed with some caution.

I even found it odd that he would just come right out of the blue and ask to me see me the next day.  We didn’t even really have a dialogue, it was just an I’m sorry and then can I see you tomorrow night, just strange.  
 

At this point I feel like I told him to call me, he didn’t and that’s all I need to know.  If he wants to see me he has my number.

[Ruby Slippers]

You've made it clear that if he wants to communicate with you he can call, so don't communicate any further unless he calls. I agree he's probably scared of what you might say on the phone. But if he can't get over his fear and call you, that's his problem, not yours.

Would you take him back after he dumped you or are you just looking to hear his apology? Think about what you want out of this situation and be prepared.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Sounds like something has gone wrong, either with another woman or life in general. So he’s back for validation, but only on his terms. 

[Hpchic]

21 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

You've made it clear that if he wants to communicate with you he can call, so don't communicate any further unless he calls. I agree he's probably scared of what you might say on the phone. But if he can't get over his fear and call you, that's his problem, not yours.

Would you take him back after he dumped you or are you just looking to hear his apology? Think about what you want out of this situation and be prepared.

I don’t know if I’d take him back at this point.  He has apologized a few times, but I think more than anything I want to know the honest reason he broke up with me.  His apologies don’t mean much to me without a reason.  
 

Honestly though as more time goes by the less I care about the reason and the less I would consider getting back with him, guess it’s just natural.  

[Ruby Slippers]

29 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

I don’t know if I’d take him back at this point.  He has apologized a few times, but I think more than anything I want to know the honest reason he broke up with me.  His apologies don’t mean much to me without a reason.  
 

Honestly though as more time goes by the less I care about the reason and the less I would consider getting back with him, guess it’s just natural.  

In that case, why not just ask him over the phone why he broke up? Then give yourself a little time to let it sink in before you consider meeting up with him. 

[Hpchic]

6 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

In that case, why not just ask him over the phone why he broke up? Then give yourself a little time to let it sink in before you consider meeting up with him. 

Well that was why I asked him to call me, I wanted a few things cleared up before I would even entertain the thought of meeting up with him.  
 

If he wants to see me, let him call me.  I’m not eager for an explanation from him or to see him, but like I said If he wants to see me I’d like to a few things cleared up before I agree to meet with him.  

Edited September 1, 2020 by Hpchic

[Sinful]

Unfortunately, sometimes people's intentions aren't necessarily well and he could just be looking for your attention, to know that he "could" potentially have you back if he wanted you.... and you gave that to him by your response. So if that's in deed the type of guy he is then that may be why he didn't follow through. If I were you I'd make him jump through hoops at this point just for the opportunity to talk to me. Make him prove himself to you and then you can decide whether to entertain letting things progress further with him again. Just my opinion.

[Hpchic]

16 minutes ago, Sinful said:

Unfortunately, sometimes people's intentions aren't necessarily well and he could just be looking for your attention, to know that he "could" potentially have you back if he wanted you.... and you gave that to him by your response. So if that's in deed the type of guy he is then that may be why he didn't follow through. If I were you I'd make him jump through hoops at this point just for the opportunity to talk to me. Make him prove himself to you and then you can decide whether to entertain letting things progress further with him again. Just my opinion.

I don’t know that I gave that to him.  I didn’t agree to see him, I told him to call me.  For all he knows I could’ve been asking him to call me so I can tell him off.  

[Wiseman2]

He reached out for his purposes. That means a dry spell or on/off with someone. You did the right thing to not get sucked in.

[Hpchic]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

He reached out for his purposes. That means a dry spell or on/off with someone. You did the right thing to not get sucked in.

I was thinking that, but I also know he has no problem getting women, so knowing him I doubt he would reach out to me for just sex

Edited September 2, 2020 by Hpchic

[CTAtlanta]

On 8/31/2020 at 7:13 PM, Hpchic said:

So my ex broke up with me back in March.  I went NC this whole time.  A few months ago he texted me an apology to which I didn’t respond to.  Last Monday he texted me asking how I and my family were doing, I responded saying we were ok and hoped his family is ok too.  Fast forward to last night he texts me saying he’s sorry again and asks if he can see me tomorrow night for dinner (meaning tonight).  I responded telling him to call me since I would feel odd meeting up with him after 5 months of not exchanging any words with each other.  Well he never called, and it’s 7pm the next day.  I just don’t get it, he wants to see me but can’t call me?  It’s just odd, isn’t it?  

When you asked him to call you did you tell him a specific time/day when to call...and did he respond saying he would do so?

Here's the reality...if he was really interested he'd have immediately jumped at the chance when you told him to call you.  He broke up with you, then you gave him an opportunity once the door cracked open a little, and he blew it.  I'd block him permanently.  If you let people keep you on a string they'll do so.  Do not reach back out to him again.

[Hpchic]

14 minutes ago, CTAtlanta said:

When you asked him to call you did you tell him a specific time/day when to call...and did he respond saying he would do so?

Here's the reality...if he was really interested he'd have immediately jumped at the chance when you told him to call you.  He broke up with you, then you gave him an opportunity once the door cracked open a little, and he blew it.  I'd block him permanently.  If you let people keep you on a string they'll do so.  Do not reach back out to him again.

No, I just responded saying to call me.  He didn’t respond to that.

I agree, I haven’t reached out to him since the breakup, I’ve only responded to his texts (and even so not all of them).  

[Sinful]

On 9/1/2020 at 3:55 PM, Hpchic said:

I don’t know that I gave that to him.  I didn’t agree to see him, I told him to call me.  For all he knows I could’ve been asking him to call me so I can tell him off.  

You broke NC to engage him. If all he wanted was that attention then guess what... you gave it to him. Just you're response was enough, and let's not count the fact that you're posting on here for opinions. He definitely got your attention. Now you can keep making excuses for him on here all you want, I"m just calling it like I see it. And every time you respond to him or engage him you continue to leave the door open and provide him with that attention.

[Hpchic]

3 minutes ago, Sinful said:

You broke NC to engage him. If all he wanted was that attention then guess what... you gave it to him. Just you're response was enough, and let's not count the fact that you're posting on here for opinions. He definitely got your attention. Now you can keep making excuses for him on here all you want, I"m just calling it like I see it. And every time you respond to him or engage him you continue to leave the door open and provide him with that attention.

I get what you’re saying and it’s possible.  There are different schools of thought with NC though, some say you can respond but don’t initiate and that’s what I have been following.  

[Sinful]

22 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

I get what you’re saying and it’s possible.  There are different schools of thought with NC though, some say you can respond but don’t initiate and that’s what I have been following.  

I think it depends on the situation. For me, so long as the person is respectable and decent towards me and my feelings, etc. I'll go NC where I won't initiate any contact at all and only respond, keeping my responses short and to the point. That also means no likes, no nothing on social media. Then if I need to take things up a notch, as with my most recent ex, where there is a lack of respect and/or ability to handle seeing things from this person, then they would get unfollowed and/or blocked from media, and should any contact on their part be initiated I would respond/engage only if I deemed it truly necessary ex: someone's sick, dead, etc.

Based on what you've stated here, I'd lean towards that you perhaps need to go hard NC (at least for a while) as he seems to just be vying for your attention and hoping to keep you in the loop. 

[Hpchic]

26 minutes ago, Sinful said:

I think it depends on the situation. For me, so long as the person is respectable and decent towards me and my feelings, etc. I'll go NC where I won't initiate any contact at all and only respond, keeping my responses short and to the point. That also means no likes, no nothing on social media. Then if I need to take things up a notch, as with my most recent ex, where there is a lack of respect and/or ability to handle seeing things from this person, then they would get unfollowed and/or blocked from media, and should any contact on their part be initiated I would respond/engage only if I deemed it truly necessary ex: someone's sick, dead, etc.

Based on what you've stated here, I'd lean towards that you perhaps need to go hard NC (at least for a while) as he seems to just be vying for your attention and hoping to keep you in the loop. 

He’s also been sporadically liking my stuff on social media, I haven’t liked any of his stuff since the break up 

[Hpchic]

29 minutes ago, Sinful said:

I think it depends on the situation. For me, so long as the person is respectable and decent towards me and my feelings, etc. I'll go NC where I won't initiate any contact at all and only respond, keeping my responses short and to the point. That also means no likes, no nothing on social media. Then if I need to take things up a notch, as with my most recent ex, where there is a lack of respect and/or ability to handle seeing things from this person, then they would get unfollowed and/or blocked from media, and should any contact on their part be initiated I would respond/engage only if I deemed it truly necessary ex: someone's sick, dead, etc.

Based on what you've stated here, I'd lean towards that you perhaps need to go hard NC (at least for a while) as he seems to just be vying for your attention and hoping to keep you in the loop. 

I also find it hard to believe he would ask to see me the following day just to see if I’d agree.  That would be a new low even for him.  I just don’t think he was testing me, I think if he was test me he would’ve done an “ I love you” or “ I miss you” not a can I see you tomorrow 

[Beachead]

@Hpchic

On 8/31/2020 at 7:13 PM, Hpchic said:

So my ex broke up with me back in March.  I went NC this whole time.  A few months ago he texted me an apology to which I didn’t respond to.  Last Monday he texted me asking how I and my family were doing, I responded saying we were ok and hoped his family is ok too.  Fast forward to last night he texts me saying he’s sorry again and asks if he can see me tomorrow night for dinner (meaning tonight).  I responded telling him to call me since I would feel odd meeting up with him after 5 months of not exchanging any words with each other.  Well he never called, and it’s 7pm the next day.  I just don’t get it, he wants to see me but can’t call me?  It’s just odd, isn’t it?  

In my books, if he was serious, he'd have called you the moment he got a chance.  And if he wouldn't have a chance to call anyone soon, he'd communicate it to you in a way that wouldn't generate anxiety.  For example, giving you the details of his current schedule that's keeping him busy for the moment, but arranging a specific time and day to call later in the week.  There's always forward momentum with interested people.  And because they want to be with you and don't want to risk screwing up and losing you, they do what they can to ensure the outcome they want.

The reason he pulled this, was because he was half-committed at best. 

Sometimes all we need to know is right there, and we overlook it, because we don't want to accept it.

But that's my take on it

- Beach

Edited September 3, 2020 by Beachead

[Hpchic]

34 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@Hpchic

In my books, if he was serious, he'd have called you the moment he got a chance.  And if he wouldn't have a chance to call anyone soon, he'd communicate it to you in a way that wouldn't generate anxiety.  For example, giving you the details of his current schedule that's keeping him busy for the moment, but arranging a specific time and day to call later in the week.  There's always forward momentum with interested people.  And because they want to be with you and don't want to risk screwing up and losing you, they do what they can to ensure the outcome they want.

The reason he pulled this, was because he was half-committed at best. 

Sometimes all we need to know is right there, and we overlook it, because we don't want to accept it.

But that's my take on it

- Beach

Yes I agree with everything you’ve said.  

[Hpchic]

So little update:  I never heard from him again, but he’s been liking my social media pics and posts ever since that last text exchange.  He’s not the type of person who likes everything on his newsfeed so it’s not that.  Not sure if he’s trying to stay relevant in my mind or what but it’s annoying.  

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Hpchic said:

So little update:  I never heard from him again, but he’s been liking my social media pics and posts ever since that last text exchange.  He’s not the type of person who likes everything on his newsfeed so it’s not that.  Not sure if he’s trying to stay relevant in my mind or what but it’s annoying.  

It's time to delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

That stops the nonsense and heartaches and guessing. If you want to move forward, you'll have to make room in your life for that. This means clearing out confusing loose ends.