Ex reached out to me after 5 months

[Beachead]

@Hpchic

This guy had two chances.  He blew it and has shown his quality, in your life. He is a waste of time.  Time to block and delete him and as many people as possible that are tied to his side.

I can back Wiseman, through personal experience, that a good closet clean will allow you to make room in your mind for new people and new things.  

Edited October 26, 2020 by Beachead

[Hpchic]

42 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@Hpchic

This guy had two chances.  He blew it and has shown his quality, in your life. He is a waste of time.  Time to block and delete him and as many people as possible that are tied to his side.

I can back Wiseman, through personal experience, that a good closet clean will allow you to make room in your mind for new people and new things.  

We have no friends in common, so there isn’t anyone else for me to delete.  It’s funny you say that since this morning he changed his profile pic and it popped into my newsfeed, he was wearing a shirt I bought him.  Not something I want or need to see.

[Beachead]

@Hpchic

7 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

 Not something I want or need to see.

Definitely not.  It hurts and it generate a lot of anxiety.  

The way I see it is, back in the day before social media came into the picture, a breakup was a breakup.   You wouldn't see or hear from the person again unless they called or they actually showed up at your place.  So this process of disconnecting happened fairly naturally.  Today, social media  extends this artifical connection with an ex, after a breakup, that really shouldn't be there.   As in, you shouldn't be seeing updates of him or his life.  

So, treat it as how it used to be.  

- Beach

Edited October 26, 2020 by Beachead

[poppyfields]

On 9/1/2020 at 9:09 AM, Hpchic said:

Well that was why I asked him to call me, I wanted a few things cleared up before I would even entertain the thought of meeting up with him.  

My guess is he knows that too which is precisely why he didn't call.

He doesn't want to talk, he's lonely, going through a dry spell, and was hoping for a no questions asked hook up  That's my take anyway. 

If he had called, I might feel differently but in my experience, a man who dumped you with no explanation, who is truly remorseful and who sincerely wants to try again doesn't just send a random text apologizing after five months of NC, wanting to see you the very next day.   

That is so presumptuous, I wouldn't trust it, I'm glad you didn't either.  

 

Edited October 27, 2020 by poppyfields

[Hpchic]

27 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

My guess is he knows that too which is precisely why he didn't call.

He doesn't want to talk, he's lonely, going through a dry spell, and was hoping for a no questions asked hook up  That's my take anyway. 

If he had called, I might feel differently but in my experience, a man who dumped you with no explanation, who is truly remorseful and who sincerely wants to try again doesn't just send a random text apologizing after five months of NC, wanting to see you the very next day.   

That is so presumptuous, I wouldn't trust it, I'm glad you didn't either.  

 

He did apologize a few months after the breakup (I think It was in June) and was telling me how great I am, I never responded to that text.  
 

I agree, he didn’t want to talk about what happened and he knew I’d ask.  Although even if I agreed to see him I can’t believe he would imagine that it wouldn’t be mentioned when we’d see each other.  And yes, I think what bothered me more than anything is that he thought he could just text me something like that and expect me to agree to see him, crazy! And now to top it all of he keeps liking my posts on social media.

Edited October 27, 2020 by Hpchic

[poppyfields]

The more I think of it, the more I think he was lonely, horny and wanted a no questions asked hook up

It's insulting.  Can you just block him?  That way you needn't be bothered by his bs any longer.  

[ben128]

Look, we're all guessing here nobody really knows what happened.  Perhaps he did get freaked out when you asked him to call you, perhaps he wasn't serious about it.  Either way I don't see the point in maintaining a connection with him through social media.   Doesn't seem like you're going to reach out (and I don't think you should), so whatever he's thinking or doing doesn't really matter as long as he's not contacting you.  He's probably liking your pictures because he's trying to take up space in your head if he ever decides he wants to pop back up into your life again.  

 

You said you wanted him to call you to give you a reason for the breakup.  How did you guys break up?  This guy just said we're done with no explanation/reason?  

[Hpchic]

7 hours ago, poppyfields said:

The more I think of it, the more I think he was lonely, horny and wanted a no questions asked hook up

It's insulting.  Can you just block him?  That way you needn't be bothered by his bs any longer.  

I thought he knew me better than that, he should know that’s not something I’d ever do.

I was just never been a big fan of blocking people, in the past my exes either didn’t have social media or they were respectful or socially aware enough not to react to my posts.  

[Hpchic]

11 minutes ago, ben128 said:

Look, we're all guessing here nobody really knows what happened.  Perhaps he did get freaked out when you asked him to call you, perhaps he wasn't serious about it.  Either way I don't see the point in maintaining a connection with him through social media.   Doesn't seem like you're going to reach out (and I don't think you should), so whatever he's thinking or doing doesn't really matter as long as he's not contacting you.  He's probably liking your pictures because he's trying to take up space in your head if he ever decides he wants to pop back up into your life again.  

 

You said you wanted him to call you to give you a reason for the breakup.  How did you guys break up?  This guy just said we're done with no explanation/reason?  

I was an essential worker so he broke up with me when covid started getting bad in our area.  His excuse was he has a son and wouldn’t be able to see him if he was around me.  Sounded like bs to me.

[Beachead]

@Hpchic

Can't keep him online.  His activity bothers you evident of what you said below:

9 hours ago, Hpchic said:

And now to top it all of he keeps liking my posts on social media.

Quote

I was just never been a big fan of blocking people, in the past my exes either didn’t have social media or they were respectful or socially aware enough not to react to my posts.  

He upsets you online, but you don't want to remove him, which is the one thing you really should do.

What's the point of keeping him online?  You two won't be friends.  Either he or you will eventually move forward with someone new and that someone will not want exes lingering around.  That leaves you or him placeless in eachother lives.  You're not one of the guys.  You're not family.  You're an ex and you're a threat to his relationship.  So he'll drop you out of your life because he is invested in his new relationship and you are the past.  ..and the same will for you, if you meet someone.

Blocking doesn't imply weakness in anyway OP, if you feel that way.  This isn't a time to be too proud to do what you need to do.   It's a time be realistic and aware of what his presence does to you and in knowing that, doing what you need to do, based on that, so that you can fully heal, and get back to being that amazing you again, with some added experience and wisdom.  

Be real with yourself so that you can get passed this.  I'd block him.

- Beach

Edited October 27, 2020 by Beachead

[Hpchic]

Update:  He texted me about a week and a half ago asking how I and my family were doing.  I responded the next day saying we are good.  He responded saying he was good too but it’s been a terrible year (obviously).  We went back and forth a bit, he was carrying the conversation and I was just responding.  He had to put his child to bed so he ended the conversation saying he missed me and wishing me a good night.  I am almost certain he is seeing someone, so I don’t get why he is still texting me.  I believe he was seeing this same person back when he texted me at the end of the summer asking to see me.  

[Beachead]

@Hpchic

You've got stop engaging with him.  Even short responses still do damage to you.  It gets you thinking about what's going on and why he's doing what he's doing.  Gets your mind on him.  That is precisely what people doing what he does, wants.  They want your attention.  They want to know that they still have your heart so that they can dabble with it at their convenience.  It fuels their confidence and ego.  It takes the loneliness away.  But it's all for them.

Ask yourself:

Would a sincere person be doing this?  Would they break it off with you, and knowing you need space to heal and move on, still talk to you?  If they were genuinely interested, would they be talking to you when it suits them only to disappear again?  Would they not call you when you ask them to call you? 

And do you really think a person who saw a future with you and was committed to that future, would break up with you in the first place?  Would they blow the chances they then received by the person they broke up with, to rekindle the relationship?

Do you think there is any point to you two continuing to remain in contact?

You are also playing a role in your own problems, as you are enabling him, with your responses.  Everytime you engage with him, you disrespect yourself and rip the stitches out of your wounds, and reopen them again. 

Do yourself a favour and block him or stop responding.  You cannot move forward if you are tied to the past.

- Beach

[EvangelineVincent]

If you are over the age of 25, then you’ve probably experienced what a man acts like when he is in love with you or wants to be with you, and how a man is when he is using you, not in love. 
 

This guy is lukewarm about you, he’s not totally disinterested as that would mean, indifference and indifference is ZERO effort, no texts, no calls, no communication. He is also not fully interested as that would look like , calls regularly, texts regularly, meeting you in person regularly and never breaking up with you and breaking your heart.

Now, do you want a man who feels lukewarm about you ? 
 

It honestly sounds like he had a side chick he was testing the waters with but unsure of, then once things picked up between them, he dumps you and Covid is an excuse a cop out so he doesn’t have to face you. Then, almost right afterwards the other chick doesn’t pan out and now he wants you back because you are familiar and it’s hard meeting new people when everything’s closed and everyone is wearing a mask. You don’t even know what others look like. He wants sex, companionship, attention, affection, but that doesn’t mean he loves you because remember, he HAD you and LEFT. 
 

Can you imagine if you got hurt and he had to nurse you back to health ? Or be there for you in your times of need when he left you at a good and high point in your life ? 
 

Is this flaky man what you want ?

[Hpchic]

3 hours ago, EvangelineVincent said:

If you are over the age of 25, then you’ve probably experienced what a man acts like when he is in love with you or wants to be with you, and how a man is when he is using you, not in love. 
 

This guy is lukewarm about you, he’s not totally disinterested as that would mean, indifference and indifference is ZERO effort, no texts, no calls, no communication. He is also not fully interested as that would look like , calls regularly, texts regularly, meeting you in person regularly and never breaking up with you and breaking your heart.

Now, do you want a man who feels lukewarm about you ? 
 

It honestly sounds like he had a side chick he was testing the waters with but unsure of, then once things picked up between them, he dumps you and Covid is an excuse a cop out so he doesn’t have to face you. Then, almost right afterwards the other chick doesn’t pan out and now he wants you back because you are familiar and it’s hard meeting new people when everything’s closed and everyone is wearing a mask. You don’t even know what others look like. He wants sex, companionship, attention, affection, but that doesn’t mean he loves you because remember, he HAD you and LEFT. 
 

Can you imagine if you got hurt and he had to nurse you back to health ? Or be there for you in your times of need when he left you at a good and high point in your life ? 
 

Is this flaky man what you want ?

I know that he did not have a side chick while we were together.  The evenings we weren’t together he would be talking on the phone with me for hours, so unless he saw her on his lunch hour, it’s highly unlikely he was seeing someone else while he was with me.

Edited November 29, 2020 by Hpchic

[EvangelineVincent]

8 hours ago, Hpchic said:

I know that he did not have a side chick while we were together.  The evenings we weren’t together he would be talking on the phone with me for hours, so unless he saw her on his lunch hour, it’s highly unlikely he was seeing someone else while he was with me.

The guy still gives you crumbs of communication. He had his chances to be with you and didn’t take them, plus he dumped you. You don’t breakup with people you’re in love with when they haven’t done anything wrong.

He is likely feeling lonely and is hard to date right now. 

He is a very passive person.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Hpchic said:

. The evenings we weren’t together he would be talking on the phone with me for hours, 

Make sure you're not his dry-spell go-to or his in-between girl.

That's usually the reasons exes come out of the woodwork after months of no contact.

Decide for yourself if you want random contact. If not, delete and block him.