Am I a bad person for deleting my boyfriend's previous exes nudes off his google photos?

[Regretfulchoices]

Hey guys, so I use my boyfriends computer from time to time and he knows this and has given me his passwords. I was going through our photos of a recent trip we took and got carried away and scrolled to older photos. I discovered some old nudes and sex videos of him and his exes along the way. The photos were definitely shared and exchanged during their the span of being together so it was consentable and mutual at the time. There were photos of multiple previous exes from years ago. I felt bad for breaching his trust and finding them, but at the same time felt it wasn’t appropriate to have these continue to exist in the universe. They all have their own husbands and boyfriends now and felt like they wouldn’t want these existing, so I went through deleted them completely from all accounts. 

I know if this happened to me I would want the same, but did I do wrong to assume his exes wouldn’t want old photos and videos of their naked bodies to exist anymore? I feel no ill will or hatred towards these girls. I didn’t delete any other relationship photos besides the nudes. I believe he genuinely forgot he had these images and videos. 

AITA for doing this?

[Wiseman2]

You tampered with his content for your own reasons. He will notice it and rightfully change his passwords.

You have no right to tamper with his devices. The pics are weird but you have breached trust.

If something about him creeps you out. End it.

[Shining One]

It's wrong to destroy someone else's property (even digital property) without their consent.

[poppyfields]

What you did (destroyed personal property of another without their consent) is actually a crime, a "cybercrime" under the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act (CFAA).

He could have you arrested if he wanted to!

Good lord, what ever possessed you to do such a thing?  

It's such a violation, if my bf did that, it might even be a dealbreaker.  Not only that, it wasn't your place to decide what these other women wanted. 

Did you tell your boyfriend?  

Edited September 1, 2020 by poppyfields

[La.Primavera]

Yes, you were wrong.  It was not your property and you didn't have permission to look or touch it.  Depending on the type of person he is, this sort of act could be the end of your relationship.

To Be honest, I find it hard to believe you did it out of respect for these women and their feelings.  It sounds very sweet and considerate, but I don't buy it.  It is a poor excuse for breaking his trust and destroying something that was given to him with consent.

Now, if you flew into a jealous rage and deleted them out of anger and disgust, that I could understand.  It wouldn't excuse it, but it would be something I could imagine happening to someone in these circumstances.

You were given the gift of transparency and trust by him and you absolutely abused that privilege.  Once that is taken away, you can never get it back.   

 

[ShyViolet]

I understand that it must have felt really weird for you to come across those pictures.  But you had no right to delete them.  It wasn't yours to delete.  Now if he notices that they are deleted, you just might have a big problem.  I imagine he will probably be really mad.

[neowulf]

Sorry, have to agree with the other posters.

You effectively destoryed his property.

It'd be no different to you coming home to find he'd taken all your photo albums into the back yard and burnt them.

It was an increditably stupid and selfish thing to do.  I would check to see if there's anyway to recover the photo's before he finds out.

[Wiseman2]

Some therapy may help you with your jealousy and whatever issues you have to take it upon yourself to destroy people's property.

[basil67]

Discussing what you found would have been appropriate.  Deleting them was no appropriate.

[schlumpy]

The key here is "consensual."

Your SO and his past partners recorded their sexual activities and shared them with one another. If later on, some of these people changed their minds, then they have to request the destruction of the offending material that they agreed to participate in.

No, you should not have destroyed them, instead you should have learned something about how one stupid decision can hang over you for the rest of your life. 

Are you and your current boyfriend doing recordings?

[Ruby Slippers]

He shouldn't have left them in a place where his gf could access them. But that doesn't excuse what you did, which was a blatant violation of his privacy and (digital) property rights. Restore them from the computer's recycling bin. If you can't leave his stuff alone, tell him to change the password. 

[Mystery4u]

So instead of telling him you found them, so he can delete them, you went ahead and did it yourself. Wow, yes that is terrible on your part. Hopefully he breaks up with you because of it.

[lana-banana]

Yes, you did wrong. Digital property is still property, and part of nude photo sharing is the understanding that you can't control what a partner does with them. It's not your place to remove any of your boyfriend's property, and it's not your place to decide how he handles these pictures. If you really did delete them completely and can't restore, you need to fess up. You crossed a line.

[Nuntius]

4 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

He shouldn't have left them in a place where his gf could access them.

While I agree with the rest of what you said, I don't see this as a valid point.  If I was out with a girlfriend and left my cellphone on the table when I got up to go to the bathroom, that doesn't give her free reign to go through and delete my private photos and texts nor would I be at fault for having left them in a place where she could access them. 

[Happy Lemming]

8 hours ago, Mystery4u said:

Hopefully he breaks up with you because of it.

I know I would...  This would be a deal breaker for me, you had no right to do anything to any property that didn't belong to you, digital or otherwise.

As a side note, I'm sure he has a backup of all of those files on a thumb drive or DVD or somewhere.

[HiCrunchy]

Yeah, this was a big no no.

Hmmm, the format of this question makes me feel like it was posted on reddit.

[snowboy91]

Yes this was wrong.

On 9/1/2020 at 10:03 AM, Regretfulchoices said:

 They all have their own husbands and boyfriends now and felt like they wouldn’t want these existing, so I went through deleted them completely from all accounts. 

I know if this happened to me I would want the same, but did I do wrong to assume his exes wouldn’t want old photos and videos of their naked bodies to exist anymore?  

You're applying your own values and emotions to the situation and assumed responsibility for something that has nothing to do with you. The existence of those images and videos is something for him and his previous partners to deal with. You have no idea about what his exes feel about the situation. They might want them gone - or they may not care. Or they may even be happy to have some record of when they were younger.

As has been mentioned, I feel this is more about a sense of jealousy than out of genuine concern for his exes. Don't get me wrong, it's a perfectly valid feeling, but it should be discussed with him rather than taking matters into your own hands.

[Wiseman2]

Quote

Am I a bad person for deleting my boyfriend's previous exes nudes off his google photos?

No,  just a common criminal with bunny boiler tendencies.

And yes it's all probably automatically blacked up in some cloud somewhere.

Edited September 2, 2020 by Wiseman2

[Ruby Slippers]

On 9/1/2020 at 11:53 AM, Nuntius said:

While I agree with the rest of what you said, I don't see this as a valid point.  If I was out with a girlfriend and left my cellphone on the table when I got up to go to the bathroom, that doesn't give her free reign to go through and delete my private photos and texts nor would I be at fault for having left them in a place where she could access them. 

That's fair. This does not excuse what she did. 

Still, I'd say if you're gonna have naughty pic/video files, tuck them away where they won't be easily found by a future SO. It's only polite.

[Pumaza]

You are worried about the wrong things. Realize they gonna be you or could be you soon . Hes into record his girl naked and share nudes.This may be your story. Be careful.Dont do nudes and make it clear to him you not about nudes,....if so.

[Indigo Night]

So, if he invades your privacy and deletes anything he dislikes, you will be okay with it, right? You crossed a line. Saying sorry will not fix the breach of trust that you have created. Work on your insecurity and jealousy issues, and pray that he doesn;'t retaliate. If he does, you have it coming. You are a grown woman! Start by acting like one, and having an adult conversation. j j=

[Inflikted]

Not to "pile on", but while I've never been in a relationship and thus, have no experience with interacting with a partner, I think having a conversation about it would've been more appropriate. And then go from there. If he were defensive about it and seemed to want to hold onto those things, then yeah, that probably would've been a red flag. But in all honesty, it's probably more likely he forgot those things even existed.

I remember back in my younger days, when I used to watch porn on the internet, I had downloaded some of my favorites so I'd always have easy access to them. After a certain point, I forgot they existed and never gave it a thought, then years later, while sorting through files, I came across that folder again and kind of laughed to myself about it, and then deleted it. 

[Fletch Lives]

Forget about going through his stuff - he should be lucky you are still with him after finding the pics.

[SumGuy]

It's wrong what you did.  You destroyed his memories, edited his life to your own preconceived ideas of what he should have or do.  Just because they are nudes and videos doesn't make it right in any way.  You don't get to decide where he and his exes decided to draw the line.

You said these images were made consensually (i.e. I assume everyone here is consenting adults); so as others have said you didn't do it for these women...if they wanted them deleted it was for them to request.

Not saying you needed to accept him having these things, and certainly within your rights to ask him to remove them as an ultimatum but not to take it on yourself to delete them.

It is such a betrayal of trust on your part, and clear evidence you don't accept him as him (not that you need to).