Was I wrong to end the friendship?

[genericwhitemale]

So I recently decided to end a friendship with a woman who was pretty important to me, and while it was not an easy call, I can't help wonder if there was much of a friendship there to begin with. Nonetheless, I can't help wonder if my reaction was disproportionate to what was going on. 

Anyhow, this woman often said I was a great guy and talked about hanging out, but I was always the one to text her and try to arrange things. Even so, I was often met with a "maybe," or something along those lines. Last week, for instance, I messaged her about hanging out and she said she was very busy, but suggested planning something for the following Tuesday. I agreed and left until last night, when I messaged her to see if she was still up for anything [I sent a simple text to break the ice of "What's up?"] but received no reply. I tried once again today to see if she was still available, but received a reply of: "I can't I'm sorry!" I at this point sent a reply of: "No worries. I understand. I do think it may be best to end things here, alright? In any case, good luck." And that was it. 

So while it may appear that the friendship was entirely one-sided, and indeed perhaps she was trying to gently let me know that it was over, but I ultimately decided to confirm it, I suppose. 

Do you think my reaction was in any way wrong or inappropriate? 

[Watercolors]

I don't think your reaction was wrong or inappropriate considering the fact that it was a one-sided acquaintanceship from the start. I think you did the right thing with your text message, ending the friendship or acquaintanceship with her. She was not interested in being your friend for some reason. But that's ok. You tried and her responses to your efforts were minimal because her interest level was minimal. No need to waste energy trying to connect with someone who isn't interested. 

When you have to be the one to always initiate contact and always be the one to suggest plans to get together, then that is a red flag that this person isn't investing the same amount of interest as you are, in your connection to each other. 

She blew you off every time you reached out and you were left wondering what she was going to do. Then, she would either ignore you, or send you a text message in a very dismissive way, "I can't, I'm sorry!" 

You will no doubt receive different opinions from posters here, on the whole "I'm too busy" to hang out excuse. My stance is: it's baloney. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. No one and I mean, no one, is "too busy" to hang out with you. If they think you are important to them, and they like you, then they will prioritize their schedule to accommodate hanging out with you. If they don't really care, aren't really interested, then you will feel like you're being blown off (because you are). 

How did you two meet? Were you ever romantic with each other or was it strictly a platonic connection from the beginning? Were you interested in her romantically but she didn't respond with any interest? Do you share a mutual group of friends or work together? 

Frankly, I think you should just delete and block her from your cellphone. She's not interested in pursuing any kind of relationship with you, as her actions have shown you. Don't chase her. Don't second guess yourself. Sometimes, people reject us and while it hurts our feelings, what can we do about it? I thought I was friends with someone this summer but she blew off all of my text messages, and so I just deleted her from my cellphone and social media without even telling her. 

 

[Mystery4u]

Why are you trying to be just friends with women?

Unless you work together or have a specific reason to be just friends, It's either you try to date them, or nothing.

All that will happen is when they have a bf you will be dropped like a hot potato, or when you get a gf you will drop them like a hot potato.

Which is exactly what happened here.

If you thought being friends first might develop things into a relationship, then think again. Skip the friends part.

Stick to guys for friends, and women for dating.

Edited September 1, 2020 by Mystery4u

[basil67]

Your action wasn't wrong or inappropriate.  But it was unnecessary.   If someone isn't holding up their end of the friendship, just stop calling them.  

[ShyViolet]

No, what you did wasn't inappropriate at all.  You have the right to end a friendship at any time for any reason if it's not working for you, and you don't have to apologize for it or feel bad.  This woman was very flaky,  unavailable, and hard to make plans with.  It's understandable that you'd get frustrated with that and want to stop wasting your time.