MM wants to move interstate with me (OW)

[theblonde]

When I originally met MM 3 years ago, he didn't tell me he was married with kids and I didn't find out because he was living in a different state to me at the time (we met online). We quickly became friends and only 2 years down the line did I find out about his family because he moved them all into the state I live in. At the time, I did not have romantic feelings for him so I was annoyed by this omission of information but I let it go.

During our friendship he had always confessed his love for me but I did not reciprocate. About 13 months ago, I very suddenly fell deeply in love with him. I knew this was wrong as he was married so I tried to keep my feelings to myself. About 6 months went by and I confessed my feelings to him and he left his family to move into my house.

He lasted 1 month and moved back to his family home saying he felt guilty to leave his children. About 1 month of being back at his family home (we maintained a platonic friendship during this time), he said he couldn't stand being there anymore and moved back into my home once again. This time he lived with me for 2 months.

At the two month mark, he moved back to his family home again after he said his wife threatened to move and take the kids away. 

Its been around 2 months and we have maintained a platonic friendship and now he is asking if I will move interstate with him so we can be together but refused to let me speak with his wife to confirm that their separation was truly happening.

I love him and want to be with him but I am worried about moving interstate as he has shown me he is not able to commit.

His wife does know about me because of several "DDay" moments and him moving to my house twice; they fight a lot about it which is why I am ending this. 

Yesterday I told him I can't have contact with him anymore. Please help me confirm to myself that I have made the right decision or what I should do instead.

Edited September 2, 2020 by theblonde

[Mrin]

Best decision you could have made. Don't think twice. Don't look back. 

[BaileyB]

31 minutes ago, theblonde said:

When I originally met MM 3 years ago, he didn't tell me he was married with kids. At the time, I did not have romantic feelings for him so I was annoyed by this omission of information but I let it go.

You made the right decision. In truth, had you made the decision at this point... it would have saved you, him, his wife, and his CHILDREN a whole lot of grief. 

Please don’t tell us that you made the decision because you love him. Love is a feeling. It does not require action. Most people will generally consider the situation with their brain, in addition to their heart. And your brain should have been telling you - this is not a good decision.

So consider the situation now with your brain. This man is married and he has children. He has a responsibility to his children. Do you really want to be the woman who breaks up a family? Do you really want to move your whole life to be near a man who can not decide which woman he wants to be with. He has gone back and forth between you both, and he will continue to do so for as long as you allow it. 

Just my humble opinion, but you have settled for far too little here. You want a man who chooses you, and only you. 

And you want a man who you can trust and respect. What he has done to his wife and his CHILDREN is truly awful. This is not a good man. 

Let him move, and end all contact. Let him be with his family, assuming he doesn’t go searching the internet for another woman... poor kids. 

Edited September 2, 2020 by BaileyB