Mom gets mad when I go out or see friends?

[faithandfood]

22F. Been away from home for about eight months due to college. Moved back home after I graduated about a month ago. My parent’s marriage is completely strained (e.g. sleep in separate rooms) & I’m the one that mostly talks to her in the household. She barely has friends. Disabled and doesn’t work so basically home all day unless she runs errands. I’ve called her out on her emotional abuse several times and she’s simmered down. What I’m facing with her now is she always gets irritated when I go out. Like? 

For example, I got a new job today after four weeks of job search. I mentioned to her I told my best friends and she was attacking me for telling them. That why couldn’t they help me get a job (we’re in different professions). That I should have waited until it manifested... also went on to say that one of my best friends only talk to me when her sister is gone (completely false). Like I  see my best friends every month. She even said they’re just my college friends... I told they were my close friends & it’s like she has something against them. She literally walked out my room and slammed her door. I’ve just been in my room because don’t have the energy to argue. Even last week when I told her I was seeing one of them, she literally sighed and was like “TELL HER TO GET YOU A JOB” 

[Wiseman2]

Stop discussing this much with her. Keep everything on a need to know basis.

She's not your best friend, you're not her substitute spouse or therapist so keep discussions simple, unemotional, brief and fact based.

She doesn't need to be involved in your friends business or your social life.

Even though you are living at home for financial reasons, you are still an adult who needs better boundaries.

[d0nnivain]

Ignore her.  Learn to say things like "thanks for sharing your opinion" without actually giving a hoot what she thinks.  

Congratulations on the job.  Start working & saving.  When you have enough move out.  Then call mom once a week & send her cards on holidays. Come around if there is a family event but distance yourself from their daily drama.  

[snowcones]

7 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Ignore her.  Learn to say things like "thanks for sharing your opinion" without actually giving a hoot what she thinks.  

Congratulations on the job.  Start working & saving.  When you have enough move out.  Then call mom once a week & send her cards on holidays. Come around if there is a family event but distance yourself from their daily drama.  

This.

When you have overbearing parents this is all you can do.  I am well past living with my parents but I have an overbearing, jealous and emotional mother as well. You really do have to learn to keep your distance from them both physically and emotionally.  It's a balancing act that lasts a lifetime.

Edited September 2, 2020 by snowcones

[Ruby Slippers]

Sounds like your mom is very unhappy and projecting that unhappiness toward you.

I agree with the advice to tell her things only on a need to know basis, reply to any criticism with "thanks for your opinion" then move on. As much as possible, disengage when she's being negative, and only reward positive interactions with your time and attention.

[Dork Vader]

On 9/2/2020 at 2:12 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Stop discussing this much with her. Keep everything on a need to know basis.

She's not your best friend, you're not her substitute spouse or therapist so keep discussions simple, unemotional, brief and fact based.

She doesn't need to be involved in your friends business or your social life.

Even though you are living at home for financial reasons, you are still an adult who needs better boundaries.

Agreed! That and learn when to walk away. If the conversation goes south, just leave the room.