What did I do wrong?

[Hurtingbutmovingon]

My boyfriend dumped me back in 2016 because he lost the attraction to me. I was really hurt by this but kept it to myself since I had just moved and didn't have any connections.

This past February, he contacted me on a forum I was on. It didn't feel right at all. I was actually more hurt and back in the initial pain I felt in 2016 because I didn't process it. 

I contacted him directly and told him that I didn't feel the need to block him because I had accepted he moved on and was going to work on my mental health and then start dating. I had assumed he found a women a long time ago. 

He responded and told me he never wanted me back, I was a loser, I need to never disturb him again. He told me he has a new girlfriend and he loved her very much. 

It hurt but that was back in February. I ordered a book called 365 days of no contact and I plan on never reaching out to him again. I'm not in the best of circumstances. I'm just starting a new job. I don't have friends. I'm struggling with mental health and getting the support I need to feel happy again. I have some toxic people in my life and I feel so awful. 

I know I wouldn't have felt so bad if I understood why he was initially contacting me in February, curiosity made me look into it more and I got really hurt. 

It doesn't feel like I'm ever going to move on from this and I never felt like I had a voice in this anyways. I'm extremely heart broken and shattered over a relationship that ended in 2016. What should I do? Will no contact with him really help me move on? What steps should I take so I don't feel so bad anymore. He offered advice on dating but I don't want his assistance. 

[Hpchic]

I don’t think you did anything wrong. You need to block him, he sounds like a narcissist.  Try your best to move on, therapy might help you in this situation.  I also think getting back into the dating game may help.

You’re letting the opinion of this loser determine your value, you’re way better than him you should know that.

Edited September 2, 2020 by Hpchic

[kendahke]

22 minutes ago, Hurtingbutmovingon said:

What should I do? Will no contact with him really help me move on? What steps should I take so I don't feel so bad anymore. He offered advice on dating but I don't want his assistance. 

Block him and stop having any contact with him. You are not ready for that.

Yes, no contact does work and it does help you to move on.  The reason why it works is because it gives you the emotional space you need to regain your perspective.  Every time you are in contact with him, he's picking open the wound that's trying to heal.  It becomes raw and infected all over again and you're left with managing the pain. He's not--he's too invested in making sure you stay in pain.  IOW: he's not a good person. No one who cares about you wants to see you in pain.

He has nothing further to say to you. He said he's got a girlfriend and he's happy with her, so he has no reason to deal with you any longer. He made his choice.

Stick with the therapy--that's what you need now more than you need contact with him.

You did nothing wrong. This is all on him.

 

Edited September 2, 2020 by kendahke

[Hurtingbutmovingon]

9 minutes ago, kendahke said:

Block him and stop having any contact with him. You are not ready for that.

Yes, no contact does work and it does help you to move on.  The reason why it works is because it gives you the emotional space you need to regain your perspective.  Every time you are in contact with him, he's picking open the wound that's trying to heal.  It becomes raw and infected all over again and you're left with managing the pain. He's not--he's too invested in making sure you stay in pain.  IOW: he's not a good person. No one who cares about you wants to see you in pain.

He has nothing further to say to you. He said he's got a girlfriend and he's happy with her, so he has no reason to deal with you any longer. He made his choice.

Stick with the therapy--that's what you need now more than you need contact with him.

 

Thanks, my arm is killing me. I may have damaged my arm and need to go into the hospital. I need my arm for work and I was trying to clean my house and get ready for the painter. I have never been in so much pain before and I can't believe I didn't know that he was trying to keep me stuck this entire time. He did run salt in the wounds repeatedly and he has moved on so there was no reason to maintain any contact. I don't know if I broke something but I can't even move my arm. I just wanted to stay home and clean my house. 

Edited September 2, 2020 by Hurtingbutmovingon

[ExpatInItaly]

Block him everywhere. 

[schlumpy]

In your case it's not enough to block him. You will need to limit your exposure to common friends and places where you used to hang out.

Once you feel indifference then you can once again reopen your world. That is your goal - indifference. 

[d0nnivain]

3 hours ago, Hurtingbutmovingon said:

 What should I do? Will no contact with him really help me move on? What steps should I take so I don't feel so bad anymore. He offered advice on dating but I don't want his assistance. 

Chalk it up to him being a jerk  4 years after the fact there was no need for him to contact you on a forum.  For him to go out of his way to call you a loser makes him a dreadful person.  

You absolutely should not take advice from him about anything unless you are planning to become a terrible person yourself.  Then he's your man. 

To feel better block him everywhere.  Remind yourself what a dreadful man he is.  Think about all your good qualities & ruminate on your successes since he left your life.  

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Hurtingbutmovingon said:

He responded and told me he never wanted me back, I was a loser, I need to never disturb him again. He told me he has a new girlfriend and he loved her very much. 

Will no contact with him really help me move on? What steps should I take so I don't feel so bad anymore. He offered advice on dating but I don't want his assistance. 

Sorry to hear that. Was he verbally abusive in the relationship? Yes you need to  delete and block him on all social media and messaging apps.