To Separate?

[ST81]

Hi my husband and I have been married for 12 years now and have a 10 year old daughter. He has mental health issues, primarily depression and anxiety and I am struggling very much to cope with his behaviour, especially when its directed at our daughter.

He suffered a breakdown about 18 months ago now, ending up in hospital only for a week. Continued his recovery at home through medication and lots of meditation and talking to me and good friends. He was feeling much better then in January this year felt his medication was not doing anything more for him and wanted to come off it. I expressed concern as I knee it was too soon, but he did go to his GP who said to reduce the dose for 3 months and if he felt ok then come off.

After reducing I could see signs of relapse creeping back in. When the final packet had 2 weeks left I asked him again to see his GP....got my heas bitten off that he felt fine and saw no need to see a GP to rubber stamp a pre-approved plan. So he came totally off his medication- at a time he started a new job, went on to overtime and we were 2 weeks into lockdown! He unravelled from there.

Was extreme over-reacting, irrational and at times quite nasty behaviour. For example, one day we had planned to cycle to Tesco for dinner stuff for our exercise during lockdown. Our daughter had tidied her room out and I got caught up cleaning a few bits. We were 30 minutes late leaving....he was wired! Glaring, snapping and whrn i asked him about I had made him feel irrelevant by getting caught up cleaning parts of our daughters room and being 30mins late!

Thats one of many times. I tried talking to him several times about him over-reacting, being irrational, shouting, snapping at us both. He reduced our daughter to tears one day because she hadn't put the laptop on to charge after home schooling, calling her selfish. Could understand him talking to her about it but shouting so much she is in tears?? Again one of many times.

He kept saying I wasn't doing enough during lockdown, though I was working from home 40 hours week, homeschooling (he did none), keeping the house - everything. Whenever I tried to talk about his behaviour he turns it around....it was my fault he barks at the wee one, I make him frustrated! No responsibility that its words out of his mouth!

It was awful till one night in early July out daughter and I walked out and stayed with friends- just couldn't do it any more. He asked me to go home, said I would talk to him in the morning.

That night he tried to commit suicide. I saw a final message from him the next morning sent the night before and knew he had done something. It failed but ended up with police involved as he went AWOL instead of going to a&e. He did go eventually. After that we came home and he is back on meds now.

There have been 2 further incidents of appalling behaviour since then but better for 4-5 weeks now.

He accepted everything up to the suicide attempt that his behaviour was wrong and apologised. Though i'm still not sure he appreciates the full impact of it.

Thing is now he still does not accept responsibility for his own behaviour, actions or decisions and turns it all around usually on to me. He attempted suicide because I wouldn't go home that night and to him he told me he would not be there the next morning- I thought he meant he was moving out - and would never control me that way so he went through with it! What about the next time things get bad?

He is drinking every night and can be alot - when I challenged that he turned it around I was drinking too much alone...I have one g&t and 2 glasses of wine on my own Friday or Saturday evenings when he is on backshift! Doesn't want to take responsibility.

He needs therapy to deal with issues inside him or its going to cycle round again, will he derail the next time he tries to come off meds if his thinking, fears and issues, anger, is not changed? Does not want to or see the need to go.

I need to challenge the lack of responsibility againbut really getting to my wits end and the need to keep out daughter safe - not physically from him but mentally, emotionally and verbally.

I am in therapy every week now to help my recovery and feel stronger. I have stayed in our marriage almost destroying myself mentally and emotionally and he still cannot accept responsibility for his own behaviour, actions or decisions!

I am seriously considering separation if he will not help himself and don't think its an over reaction? Its difficult to describe everything thats happened or how nasty he has been. He even said "what have you done for her (our daughter) in the last 14 weeks"? Really!! He told her 9ne day that she was the cause of him and I arguing! Luckily she is smart enough not to believe him but must of hurt.

Not sure if i'm asking a question here or off loading, but any feedback/ advice would be great.