Found old unused condoms in girlfriend's dresser, is she cheating?

[RickCMC]

23 minutes ago, Sexyblondewife007 said:

Ofcourse she is mate!!

You being serious? Why haven’t any of them been used in a month and half?

Edited September 5, 2020 by RickCMC

[RickCMC]

1 hour ago, Sexyblondewife007 said:

Shes not using condoms with her ex!!

Lol so simply talking to an ex means they’re hooking up?

[basil67]

6 hours ago, RickCMC said:

Lol so simply talking to an ex means they’re hooking up?

Why would you raise that she sometimes talks to her ex it if you didn't think they were hooking up?  

[elaine567]

Te OP rattled by the gf texting with the ex, is desperately looking for proof of cheating, and finding these old condoms made him wonder if this was the proof he needed.

OK he may be just a jealous insecure bf, but her actions have made him jealous and insecure.
I know many feel that talking to exes is "harmless", but often it isn't.
Why did this guy reach out?
I guess not to discuss the state of the nation...

[salparadise]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

OK he may be just a jealous insecure bf, but her actions have made him jealous and insecure.

Yea, give the OP a break. He joins the site to ask a legitimate question and immediately gets hit with rude and harsh responses by established members needing to vent their anger and frustration on someone. I hate it when people accuse other of being insecure; caring deeply is enough to make people insecure. When you open up your heart and give someone the ability to hurt you, a certain amount of insecurity simply comes with the territory, and if there is any kind of relationship trouble or irregular behavior it's naturally going to be triggered. New members should be given the benefit of the doubt unless they're the ones initiating conflict or have done something egregious. Welcome to the Hard Rock Cafe @RickCMC. Consider yourself initiated.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, RickCMC said:

I maybe should have included this in my OP, but about six months ago she was texting with an ex of hers. She told me who it was when I asked who she was texting. She wasn’t trying to hide from me that she was talking to an ex. She said he reached out to her. So that is probably why I got paranoid when seeing condoms. 

Ok address this if it makes you uneasy.  But the condom thing is silly.

Your relationship sounds pretty shaky with poor communication and a lack of trust . Why is that?

[Crazelnut]

Sorry, but we call it like we see it -- OP is insecure and a tad paranoid. NOBODY would assume an expired box of condoms in a nightstand = cheating.

[Azincourt]

On 9/5/2020 at 12:40 AM, RickCMC said:

Me and my girlfriend of three years don’t use condoms. About a month and half ago my girlfriend asked me to get something for her in her dresser, I mistakenly went to the wrong drawer first and in the back were unused condoms. Now based on expiration and the code printed on them I can confirm they were produced and in 2015, which is two full years before my girlfriend and I met. 

Unfortunately I became very suspicious and paranoid so I kept checking the drawer regularly up and as of yesterday when I last checked, the number of unused condoms stayed the same and were in the same exact place, so I confirmed she wasn’t using them. 

Is this worth questioning her about or am I being too paranoid?

The Pill is awful.

It has terrible health repercussions to many women's health, and it's a constant battle for women to remember to take it and to have the time to do so because of their hectic schedules. So it can be that she's going to talk to you about wanting you to wear a condom, and nothing more.

Or it could be that she is sleeping with other men.

Only you can find out. Tell her you came across condoms when you were fulfilling what she asked of you to do, and then you ask her if she's thinking of having you wear a condom during sex. Then see how she reacts to what you just said. If she's nervous, panicked, yeah, she might be cheating on you.

Sit her down and have a long conversation with her.

Either way if I was you I'd just end this relationship. When people start questioning their partner's loyalty it's time to leave.

[smackie9]

5 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

The Pill is awful.

It has terrible health repercussions to many women's health, and it's a constant battle for women to remember to take it and to have the time to do so because of their hectic schedules. So it can be that she's going to talk to you about wanting you to wear a condom, and nothing more.

Or it could be that she is sleeping with other men.

Only you can find out. Tell her you came across condoms when you were fulfilling what she asked of you to do, and then you ask her if she's thinking of having you wear a condom during sex. Then see how she reacts to what you just said. If she's nervous, panicked, yeah, she might be cheating on you.

Sit her down and have a long conversation with her.

Either way if I was you I'd just end this relationship. When people start questioning their partner's loyalty it's time to leave.

The pill is in patch form now, or you can get a vaginal ring, or an injection that last for 3 months. The dosage is way less than it was like 30 years ago...so less bad side effects.

BTW the condoms he found are years old. No one in their right mind would use them unless they are making balloon animals with them.

[ShyViolet]

18 hours ago, RickCMC said:

I maybe should have included this in my OP, but about six months ago she was texting with an ex of hers. She told me who it was when I asked who she was texting. She wasn’t trying to hide from me that she was talking to an ex. She said he reached out to her. So that is probably why I got paranoid when seeing condoms. 

This still doesn't mean anything.  People sometimes text with their exes to say hi.  People sometimes stay friends or acquaintances with their exes.  As long as they are not texting a lot, only just once in a while, and just keeping it very breezy and casual, there's nothing wrong with this.  You are still being excessively paranoid and insecure.

[d0nnivain]

20 hours ago, RickCMC said:

I maybe should have included this in my OP, but about six months ago she was texting with an ex of hers. She told me who it was when I asked who she was texting. She wasn’t trying to hide from me that she was talking to an ex. She said he reached out to her. So that is probably why I got paranoid when seeing condoms. 

Had you mentioned this in your 1st post we would have been better able to understand why you jumped to conclusions.  

Your conclusion is still wrong -- a really old box of condoms even coupled with a few texts with an EX does not automatically equal cheating.   But you would have seemed less crazy.  

[Azincourt]

Why was she texting with an ex?

Does she share a child with this ex?

Does she have a business parternship with this ex?

Does this ex and she own a house together?

Does this ex and your girlfriend have a joint-custody dog?

If the condoms look old, then more likely than not she's not cheating, and the condoms belong to that ex-boyfriend from when they were dating each other and she forgot all about them and never found them ever again.

 

[FMW]

This thread reminded me I have an old box in MY dresser I need to throw out.  Forgot they were there.  

Unless they are in her bedside table, it's likely she doesn't remember they exist either.  

If the texting thing bothers you then talk to her about THAT.  Not talking about doubts and issues just make them grow into something bigger.  

[Azincourt]

Yeah, if he lets this fester down he'll grow paranoid and then he'll end up without a girlfriend because she doesn't want to deal with any of that.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 9/4/2020 at 4:40 PM, RickCMC said:

Me and my girlfriend of three years don’t use condoms. About a month and half ago my girlfriend asked me to get something for her in her dresser, I mistakenly went to the wrong drawer first and in the back were unused condoms. Now based on expiration and the code printed on them I can confirm they were produced and in 2015, which is two full years before my girlfriend and I met. 

Unfortunately I became very suspicious and paranoid so I kept checking the drawer regularly up and as of yesterday when I last checked, the number of unused condoms stayed the same and were in the same exact place, so I confirmed she wasn’t using them. 

Is this worth questioning her about or am I being too paranoid?

 

OK,  IF she were cheating...  wouldn't she have enough common sense to update her condom supply ???

 

(I don't want to walk away from here stunned  that you even took the time to note the ancient expiration date, but...  I'm tempted)

[Azincourt]

Yeah, she's ''cheating'' on him with condoms that expired years ago. Now that's some safe sex right there!

[Happy Lemming]

3 hours ago, FMW said:

This thread reminded me I have an old box in MY dresser I need to throw out. 

 

Similar story... I stopped off at a car dealership to just look at a new car.  I really didn't have any intention on buying that day, just wanted to look.  Long story... short, I ended up buying a new car.  The salesman gave me a trash bag so I could clean out my belongings and transfer to my new car.  Way down in the bottom of the glove box were some ancient condoms, that I had forgotten about.  I'm sure they were petrified by time and the heat.

[RickCMC]

Thanks for all the responses. I guess I kind of deserve the beating I’m getting here. My paranoia is mainly because she was chatting with an ex, but I haven’t seen any other evidence that she’s doing something behind my back. If you take out the chatting with the ex, I probably wouldn’t have been so alarmed when I saw the condoms. But I do see that I have some insecurity going on and need to deal with that. 

[Watercolors]

10 minutes ago, RickCMC said:

Thanks for all the responses. I guess I kind of deserve the beating I’m getting here. My paranoia is mainly because she was chatting with an ex, but I haven’t seen any other evidence that she’s doing something behind my back. If you take out the chatting with the ex, I probably wouldn’t have been so alarmed when I saw the condoms. But I do see that I have some insecurity going on and need to deal with that. 

We haven't given you a beating. Your initial post made you come across extremely insecure and paranoid because you equated expired condoms with your girlfriend cheating on you.

You left out in your OP that she had recently been contacted by her ex and was texting with him. Something to remember when you post on a forum; if you leave out information, readers can only respond to what you choose to share. You may be a reasonable guy but if you leave out information that would help paint the whole story, then people can only go by what you choose to share.

 

Edited September 7, 2020 by Watercolors

[basil67]

24 minutes ago, RickCMC said:

Thanks for all the responses. I guess I kind of deserve the beating I’m getting here.

 

Better to have the criticism here and give you more food for thought than to blurt it out at your girlfriend without having given it much consideration

Edited September 7, 2020 by basil67

[Watercolors]

I just want to add that if you can't openly share your concerns with your girlfriend about her texting with her ex, then the lack of open communication between you and her is a warning sign that you need to address it with her (the lack of communication and the reasons why, on your side of things). You should not be afraid to talk to your relationship partner about what you are feeling and the reasons why. We can't control how other people respond to us, when we share our feelings. All we can do is hope they will understand and respect us. So, you need to talk to your girlfriend about this whole thing in a reasonable way. Give her some credit that she will be understanding. If she isn't, then cross that bridge when you come to it. 

[RickCMC]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

I just want to add that if you can't openly share your concerns with your girlfriend about her texting with her ex, then the lack of open communication between you and her is a warning sign that you need to address it with her (the lack of communication and the reasons why, on your side of things). You should not be afraid to talk to your relationship partner about what you are feeling and the reasons why. We can't control how other people respond to us, when we share our feelings. All we can do is hope they will understand and respect us. So, you need to talk to your girlfriend about this whole thing in a reasonable way. Give her some credit that she will be understanding. If she isn't, then cross that bridge when you come to it. 

I understand, but is it such a red flag that someone casually talks to an ex? Are women never allowed to communicate with someone they used to be involved with? If I’m supposed to be secure and confident in a relationship, shouldn’t I trust her?

Edited September 7, 2020 by RickCMC

[Watercolors]

6 minutes ago, RickCMC said:

I understand, but is it such a red flag that someone casually talks to an ex? Are women never allowed to communicate with someone they used to be involved with? If I’m supposed to be secure and confident in a relationship, shouldn’t I trust her?

Yes, you should trust her but clearly from your OP you don't trust her. I mean, you immediately jumped to conclusions that she was cheating on you with her ex, when you found expired condoms in her dresser drawer.

You don't trust your girlfriend and that is something none of us can fix for you. You have to figure out why you were so quick to make such an assumption about your girlfriend the way that you did. Expired condoms mean absolutely nothing other than, they are expired! 

Edited September 7, 2020 by Watercolors

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, RickCMC said:

I understand, but is it such a red flag that someone casually talks to an ex? Are women never allowed to communicate with someone they used to be involved with? If I’m supposed to be secure and confident in a relationship, shouldn’t I trust her?

Yes, but you quite clearly don't. 

Years-old condoms wouldn't have raised your eyebrow otherwise. 

[healing light]

On 9/4/2020 at 7:40 PM, Poutrew said:

about all you can infer is that she did indeed have sex with men before you came on the scene, so if she told you she was a virgin, you know she lied to you

Just jumping on here to say this isn't true, either. I had some out-of-date condoms in my drawer when I was a virgin. 😂 Wanted to have them on hand in case I got into a relationship, but they ended up expiring before that ever happened.