Luna66star Posted September 5, 2020 Share Posted September 5, 2020 A new employee at our office who is married appears quite friendly and stops to chat quite often. He speaks platonically (ie no sexual flirting) and talks positive about his wife and family. I am friendly with a lot of my co-workers (both female and non-married guys) and enjoy talking & going to coffee on breaks every so often. I previously had a bad experience with a MM at work who was also friendly in the beginning . With that one, though, after being casual friends at work for quite awhile he put the moves on me and well .. I was weak & started an affair. It was a mess but he eventually left the company. He used to complain about the wife. Question. Is it really possible for these MM to only want female co-workers as casual friends? Or do you think there would always be an ulterior motive for something more intimate in the future? I want to be a bit cautious here with the next MM and friendships at work. I am single and dating other men casually outside work. Any opinions? I don't have a lot of experience with men except for one boyfriend in the past and MM at work which was a very bad decision on my part. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 5, 2020 Share Posted September 5, 2020 35 minutes ago, Luna66star said: Question. Is it really possible for these MM to only want female co-workers as casual friends? Or do you think there would always be an ulterior motive for something more intimate in the future? Yes, it is possible. I have done so many times over the years and most are still friends. We socialized outside of work with our wives or significant others, too. There is not always an ulterior motive (and these days with the me too movement and sexual harassment complaints, it would be stupid for any man to escalate beyond platonic interactions). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2020 Share Posted September 5, 2020 It is very possible to be friendly with colleagues at work but never cross the lines into something seedy or cheat on your SO. Being friendly is not cheating. If the person crosses the lines & starts talking to someone one regularly outside of work at all hours about non-work related topics & then you mix in happy hours, business trips etc. so that the work colleagues are together outside of work hours more than the person sees their spouse that problems develop Do keep your senses sharp & your boundaries firm but right now I don't think he's trying to start an affair with you. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 6, 2020 Share Posted September 6, 2020 (edited) Yeah, but if you got to the point of sleeping with him, well, come on. You didn't see how he was obviously not just being friendly? This must have somehow developed unless he ran into your office randomly one day screaming "My wife doesn't understand me!" and dove for your legs. If you're asking whether people can be friendly at work without the intent to bone one another, well, yeah. I mean come on. You already know they can. You guys didn't but other people do, all the time. As for "he used to complain about the wife" part, think about it. Realistically, how could you have been expected to respond to "my wife is a pretty nice person, but I like to cheat on her, so would you like to bone"? A sob story makes it all more special. You're the savior to his terrible imprisonment by the cruel wife. And blah blah. Edited September 6, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luna66star Posted September 6, 2020 Author Share Posted September 6, 2020 One poster's advice that as long as he's not talking negative about the wife & just keeps it light and friendly (but not too personal) - that sounds reasonable. If he starts getting too personal (about his own life & asking about mine) I will back away. Previous MM started out like this (platonic only) but over a long period of time as you get to know someone, things went deeper than just work talk. I will be on high alert for subtle signs from him though that he seeks out conversation with me rather frequently. I can NEVER go through that again with a MM at work!! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 6, 2020 Share Posted September 6, 2020 You set boundaries and you don't cave. Plenty women can be friends with MM at work. Obviously not with the office Lothario or any MM that seems like he is open to taking things further, but with normal decent MM then there is no problem. I get the friends turning to lovers, but if the boundary is set early doors and one is determined to keep that boundary, then all attempts to overturn the barricades will be rebuffed. it is not difficult to do. "YOU are married, you have a wife, I do not want to be your OW." End of. Feelings are controllable, there is no such thing as I couldn't help it... Link to post Share on other sites
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