She comes up with excuses and tonight.

[jgraham11]

On 9/8/2020 at 11:39 AM, JRabbit said:

Shes not available because shes with her friend.....

Why do people who barely know someone think they deserve their time over someone that person is actually friends with?? Slow your role.

If you want to hang out, then plan something and say "would you like to do XYZ on such date" and go from there. Women like men who take charge of the plans.  Sitting around waiting for her to pick you doesn't make you very attractive to her.

Barely know her? I've known her for over a decade, we went to school together. And I did on a few occasions actually think of something to do and proposed an idea come to think of it. I get a "Great idea, let's do it" or whatever and then nothing. I did the right thing by blocking her and moving on. I'll focus and put my energy into someone who actually gives a s***. 

Edited September 11, 2020 by jgraham11

[jgraham11]

On 9/9/2020 at 1:59 AM, CaliforniaGirl said:

Why didn't you just ask her out at the time?

I mean me basically messaging her fairly frequently and suggesting that we get together is basically asking her out.. would it have been better if I actually spelled it out???

Edited September 11, 2020 by jgraham11

[basil67]

It sounds like you already did ask her to do stuff and she flaked.  It would have been better to stop trying.

[jgraham11]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It sounds like you already did ask her to do stuff and she flaked.  It would have been better to stop trying.

Umm yeah, that's kind of what I did..

[Azincourt]

Quote

I'm not the one comparing her being out with a friend as the same as being on a date. The problem I had with that was she continually would come up with excuses every week about something, school, just not having time, etc. I had enough of that after about 3-4 weeks and I got the sense she was either not that interested or worse messing with me. 

She's not interested. One thing is to have something come up that wasn't expected, and delaying meeting up with you but getting plans to meet set down in stone for another close date. Another thing is to continue to delay having to meet you for 3-4 weeks?

Even if she was interested in you the interest felt would be too low for you to bother building a relationship with her, if that is what you're looking for.

She likes the attention she's getting from you, that's all.

Quote

Her being out with her friend clearly showed she did have free time and she chose to spend it with someone else, albeit it wasn't a guy, but still it shows her priorities are elsewhere and to me that rubbed me the wrong way. What more can I say really? It's just the reaction I had to finding that out and I don't think I'm wrong to feel that way. 

Dunno. Has she seen this friend recently? 

If I haven't seen a friend of mine in months, years, I'm going to put off meeting up with a woman I'm interested in because I can go on and meet another woman I'll be interested in, but a friend who lives on the other side of the world and I get to see once in a blue moon?

Don't waste your time and emotional effort on people who aren't all that excited about you, man. It's a number's game. The more women you meet, the higher the chances are of you finding someone who is gonna be as eager to spend time with you as you are eager to spend time with her.

Quote

Umm yeah, that's kind of what I did..

You're still trying.

Trying to rationalize why she did what she did to you. Because she's not all that physically attracted to you. Or maybe she is, but she finds your personality to be dull. Or she is interested in another guy, and she's waiting to see how things work out with him before she decides to bother with you. Or she's in a friends with benefits relationship already,  so she's not all that likely to be seeking just sex, and you don't make the cut to be her boyfriend, but you're good enough to be there for her to give her the attention she's lacking in her life, positive attention.

Move on.  Meet many more women. Everyone gets rejected, and if we spend our time writing down the reasons why, if we waste our dwindling youth on what could have been, we'll be old men whose life has been drained away by insecurity,  low self-esteem, and indecisiveness. Don't be that guy.  Get this woman out of your head and go out there and try again.

Not that I would do it if I was you because of the covid-19, but hey I enjoy being alive.

 

Edited September 11, 2020 by Azincourt

[CaliforniaGirl]

9 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

I mean me basically messaging her fairly frequently and suggesting that we get together is basically asking her out.. would it have been better if I actually spelled it out???

But it isn't. "So, would you like to go to X on Tuesday?" is asking someone out.

[jgraham11]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

But it isn't. "So, would you like to go to X on Tuesday?" is asking someone out.

What?! hahaha 

That's literally what I said I was doing.. hahahah, are you serious right now? So me suggesting to meet up and do something is different than "So, would you like to go to X on Tuesday?". You do realize there is literally nothing different about that right? 

[Acacia98]

Personally, I've learned that, if someone flakes out on you twice, it's best to let them be. If you keep giving them a chance after that and they keep flaking out, you end up getting excessively angry and/or feeling stupid. And, interestingly enough, they seem not to care. Or maybe they're just oblivious. So they express surprise if you express that anger.

[poppyfields]

12 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

I mean me basically messaging her fairly frequently and suggesting that we get together is basically asking her out.. would it have been better if I actually spelled it out???

No, I don't think so! I mean let's get real, when a girl is really into you (which is what you want), it won't matter whether you ask her to hang out, or suggest getting together like you did, she's gonna be all over that!     

No woman, again when she's truly into you, is going to turn you down or flake because you didn't formally ask her "So, would you like to go to X on Tuesday?"  That makes absolutely NO sense whatsoever.  And if a woman did require that in order for her to accept, I wish you luck!  Talk about high maintenance, good gawd.  🙄

Women who are into you make it easy, they meet you half way.  You suggest spending time together, again she'll be all over that.

jgraham you did more of your share of indicating interest, she's just a flake!  I wouldn't even take it personally, not that you are.

Simply continue moving on as you're doing.  

 

 

 

Edited September 11, 2020 by poppyfields

[CaliforniaGirl]

10 hours ago, poppyfields said:

No, I don't think so! I mean let's get real, when a girl is really into you (which is what you want), it won't matter whether you ask her to hang out, or suggest getting together like you did, she's gonna be all over that!     

No woman, again when she's truly into you, is going to turn you down or flake because you didn't formally ask her "So, would you like to go to X on Tuesday?"  That makes absolutely NO sense whatsoever.  And if a woman did require that in order for her to accept, I wish you luck!  Talk about high maintenance, good gawd.  🙄

Women who are into you make it easy, they meet you half way.  You suggest spending time together, again she'll be all over that.

jgraham you did more of your share of indicating interest, she's just a flake!  I wouldn't even take it personally, not that you are.

Simply continue moving on as you're doing.  

 

 

 

I'm not sure how formal "Would you like to do X on Tuesday" is. 😂

I guess he could have always asked her in spy code? Worth a shot...

Even if I was into the guy, if he didn't have the stones to literally just ask me to go wherever on whatever day (one easy sentence) then it was pretty much a pass. This isn't every woman, but at the same time, I'm pretty confident I'm not alone.

It sounds to me like it was a bunch of texts without any real action. She lost interest. It seems pretty simple.

Edited September 12, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, poppyfields said:

No, I don't think so! I mean let's get real, when a girl is really into you (which is what you want), it won't matter whether you ask her to hang out, or suggest getting together like you did, she's gonna be all over that!     

No woman, again when she's truly into you, is going to turn you down or flake because you didn't formally ask her "So, would you like to go to X on Tuesday?"  That makes absolutely NO sense whatsoever.  And if a woman did require that in order for her to accept, I wish you luck!  Talk about high maintenance, good gawd.  🙄

Women who are into you make it easy, they meet you half way.  You suggest spending time together, again she'll be all over that.

jgraham you did more of your share of indicating interest, she's just a flake!  I wouldn't even take it personally, not that you are.

Simply continue moving on as you're doing.  

I agree with you, poppy. 

I don't think it was a matter of wording in this case. She just isn't as interested as OP had hoped; he's heeded that and stopped asking her. 

[Azincourt]

1 hour ago, jgraham11 said:

Because you're ridiculous with your semantics. 

Hey man, have you ever wondered that maybe the reason why this woman is ignoring you and avoiding you like the plague, coming up with reasons to why she can't meet up with has something to do with how passive-aggressive you are?

Women need to be mindful of their safety, and you're coming off as kinda off a douchebag online, god only knows how frustrated and whinny,whinny you act in real life getting pushed away by a woman who isn't interested in you.  I bet you 10 monopoly monies this woman is seeing another guy but doesn't want to tell you about it because she's afraid of how you might react.

Dude claims he doesn't care about this woman but he put in the effort and the time to write a bible-sized text to complain about a woman who is just basically someone he knows from the internet, superficially,  and now he's attacking the posters who are telling him the woman isn't interested in him, but his ego is hurt and he's trying to save face. 3 pages of text he's spent trying to convince us he has left this woman go and that he's moved on with his life.

You should be busy convincing yourself you're not interested in her, not us. We have no dog in this fight.

Good on her for rejecting you, bro.  I would have done the same, no hard feelings. There are times I might even hook-up with a douchebag, but the douchebag has qualities that I very much doubt you have.

Like, handsome, a full head of very thick blonde hair, fit, charming and masculine.

*shrugs*

Edited September 12, 2020 by Azincourt

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

 he put in the effort and the time to write a bible-sized text to complain about a woman who is just basically someone he knows from the internet, superficially,  and now he's attacking the posters who are telling him the woman isn't interested in him, but his ego is hurt and he's trying to save face.

To be fair, OP did say this:

On 9/11/2020 at 9:17 AM, jgraham11 said:

Barely know her? I've known her for over a decade, we went to school together. 

 

[Commongoal123]

I don't think she's interested otherwise she would have gone out of her way/made the time/MADE getting together happen.  And I don't thinknshe did anything wrong other than maybe no be clear and straightforward with you.  Then again, were you clear and straightforward with her?

Also.... whoa whoa whoa....

I am honestly more interested and concerned about your bahavior here.

She didn't and doesn't owe you anything.  There is no relationship, so there doesn't even need to be communication.  Whether it be about feelings or what each other is doing or even anything.

You taking personally, and getting upset over, someone you haven't hooked up with or are even dating going out with a friend instead of you, and then you acted offensively by unfollowing her and blocking her over all this to get her to unfollow you to see her reaction (amd try and cause a reaction)??...

Huuuuuuge red flag man and it screams either insecurity, control issues, jealously issues, or you're just young yet.  Maybe all of the above

I am sorry if this is coming across harsh but I am saying this to help you.  You may want to look at yourself here before pointing the finger outward.

She is her own person brother.  Let her be.  I don't think she is interested.  Maybe just wants attention.  Recognition and attention are two different things.  Don't get the two confused my friend.  Easy to do in this tech and social media world.

[Fletch Lives]

So I have to ask - if this were a potential match, why did you not get together 6 years ago, what stopped the two of you? And were you two just friends?

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 9/11/2020 at 12:10 PM, Acacia98 said:

Personally, I've learned that, if someone flakes out on you twice, it's best to let them be. If you keep giving them a chance after that and they keep flaking out, you end up getting excessively angry and/or feeling stupid. And, interestingly enough, they seem not to care. Or maybe they're just oblivious. So they express surprise if you express that anger.

I don't think it's strange for someone to be taken aback by extreme anger in response to not wanting to go out. Maybe annoyance but serious anger...that's any woman's red flag. It makes us feel very, very unsafe. Maybe what this woman was dodging was a really scary response I she were to just come right out and say, "I'm not interested." Okay, that's not the perfect way to handle things but neither is being furious that someone doesn't really want you "that way."

I stand by what I said earlier. Get your anger in check, OP. You've shown it toward us, she's probably picking up on it too. While you don't want to talk to this girl, there will be others. So this advice is for future dates.

[Mystery4u]

22 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

Well why SHOULD I have to spell it out!? hahahah.. No, I'm not aggressive with her at all, or anyone in my personal life, I'm aggressive with people like you. 

The point @CaliforniaGirl is making is that there is a big difference between saying 'Hey you wanna meet up some time this week?' and 'Hey you wanna meet up on Friday night? We can have dinner together at xxx'.

And yes you should always say the 2nd option, basically spelling it out. It's your job as the man to lead, know what you want, and go for it  directly regardless of what the outcome may be.