She comes up with excuses and tonight.

[Fox Sake]

2 minutes ago, jgraham11 said:

I'm not hoping for a reaction at this point. I just genuinely don't want to deal with her anymore. 

At this point maybe not. But you did. You even said that in your post that you wanted to see what her reaction would be. Take the constructive criticism and learn from it. No one is here to have a go at you, just to try and help you see things from outside the box. 
 

if you don’t want anything to do with her then keep her blocked and just move on. 

[jgraham11]

8 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

At this point maybe not. But you did. You even said that in your post that you wanted to see what her reaction would be. Take the constructive criticism and learn from it. No one is here to have a go at you, just to try and help you see things from outside the box. 
 

if you don’t want anything to do with her then keep her blocked and just move on. 

That's why I said "at this point". A lot can change after a few hours of thinking about something. Like I said in a previous post, I'm pretty good at being able to put someone in my rear view mirror. She was in my past up until a month or so ago and that's probably where she should have stayed to begin with. 

Edited September 6, 2020 by jgraham11

[Fox Sake]

1 minute ago, jgraham11 said:

That's why I said "at this point"....

Don’t be so defensive lol whether it’s at “this point” or not, you still did it to gauge a reaction. Which shows immaturity. 
How about just saying “yeah that was probably not the most clever move I’ve made” ?

With humility comes grace. 

I’ve made more mistakes in life than I care to remember. I’ve done almost exactly the same thing when I was younger. I’ve embarrassed myself , I’ve been an idiot, you name it, and to a far greater degree than your post. 
Life is all about learning and if you can learn now, then more power to you 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

I know, I don't know how her ex dated her for 6 years... s*** maybe she should just go back to him haha. 

Let me clarify: she would be a nightmare to date for you, because her interest level isn't the same as yours. Meaning that if she did decide to follow through and see you, it likely wouldn't be for the right reasons and you would therefore have a lot of difficulty pinning her down for consistent dates and getting things off the ground. Some people date for a distraction, just a bit of fun, to fill a void - that's what I think you'd be getting with this girl, because it's fairly clear she's not into you the same way you're into her. 

When mutual interest is there, long-term relationships are possible. Hence why she was with her ex for 6 years. She was obviously still interested in him for quite a while. 

In any event, yes, best to move along. This one's a dud. 

Edited September 6, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[jgraham11]

19 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Don’t be so defensive lol whether it’s at “this point” or not, you still did it to gauge a reaction. Which shows immaturity. 
How about just saying “yeah that was probably not the most clever move I’ve made” ?

With humility comes grace. 

I’ve made more mistakes in life than I care to remember. I’ve done almost exactly the same thing when I was younger. I’ve embarrassed myself , I’ve been an idiot, you name it, and to a far greater degree than your post. 
Life is all about learning and if you can learn now, then more power to you 

 

Umm, not being defensive, just pointing out the fact that I said "At this point" when you raised the point I initially didn't say that in my OP. Would you like to continue down this road of semantics or can we move on? I wouldn't call it immaturity either, it's trying to use it as a confirmation of sorts. Would doing that elicit a reaction that would cause her to get upset and curious as to why I did that (shows possible interest) or would it elicit no response at all or a very lame response (which would show she never had interest to begin with).. It was an experiment more than anything. 

 

And I say "was" because regarding that experiment, I don't care what the results are at this point. Better to focus my efforts elsewhere. 

Edited September 6, 2020 by jgraham11

[jgraham11]

10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Let me clarify: she would be a nightmare to date for you, because her interest level isn't the same as yours. Meaning that if she did decide to follow through and see you, it likely wouldn't be for the right reasons and you would therefore have a lot of difficulty pinning her down for consistent dates and getting things off the ground. Some people date for a distraction, just a bit of fun, to fill a void - that's what I think you'd be getting with this girl, because it's fairly clear she's not into you the same way you're into her. 

When mutual interest is there, long-term relationships are possible. Hence why she was with her ex for 6 years. She was obviously still interested in him for quite a while. 

In any event, yes, best to move along. This one's a dud. 

I mean I wasn't terribly interested to begin with. I looked at her as an option on the 3 person reunion, then she got flirtatious over IG, would plan things and flake, so inevitably through all of that my interest slowly crept higher and higher. Until now of course in which I couldn't even be bothered at the idea.

Edited September 6, 2020 by jgraham11

[Azincourt]

2 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

Well she mentioned the first time I met up with her she had been on a few dates a month or two before, yes she was posting some photos that were meant to catch the attention of men. 

 

But yeah I'm already over it, it's one of my strengths to be able to drop things fairly quickly. Plenty of other fish. 

Yeah, when a woman is interested in you she doesn't talk to you about what she's been up with guys. There are even women with a boyfriend who won't ever mention having a boyfriend and will change the subject if the conversation is going into the ''are you single'' field because they don't want you to give up, because these women are interested in you, and are trying to figure out if they are upgrading by dumping their boyfriend for you.

Then there are women who have absolutely no desire to sleep with you/date you, but you are not bad-looking, and they like the attention and the time you spend on them, so they lead you on by flirting with you and being highly sexual in the way they speak to you, like, ''oh you're gonna enjoy it even more when we have sex'' but that's just talk, until a woman sleeps with you take that with a grain of salt and you never take a woman's interest in you for granted, because even if she is attracted to you there might come along a better man and she rejects you.

Back when I was a young man, there was a woman I was interested in having an one-night stand with who wanted me to work for it. i mean she wanted me to wait months for it, and she wanted me to get a job.  Now, I was interested in sleeping with her. A hook-up, that's all.  Why would a man have to have a job for that to happen, if she's attracted to me?

Then we was hanging out with friends, she gets drunk, and she boasts to me about having slept with 25 men. She was 20 years old.

I was sitting there listening to her and the wheels were turning around my head as she was talking about hook-ups and such. Obviously these men didn't spend time and money on her, and they didn't have to wait for months to get what they were looking for.

Apparently she saw me as ''boyfriend material.''

That's when a woman isn't sexually attracted to you but she will let you smash a few times a month to keep you quiet if you spend money on her and bother listening talk about her problems and personal dramas.

I learned early in life that the women who are truly attracted to me won't waste time flirting.  They will either say what's up want to have sex, or they will create every situation possible that will lead to sex with me.

[Velvet teddy]

3 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

I agree with everything you're saying, but I have to reply in saying I wasn't even the one making the plans. She would come up with plans and ideas for something to do and then duck out. Like I wasn't even the one taking the initiative on making plans, she was. Which is why this has been more confusing for me. 

What do you say to her when she makes plans. And do you follow up and ask her about them..or does she randomly tell you she can't make it.

 

 

[Velvet teddy]

21 minutes ago, jgraham11 said:

I mean I wasn't terribly interested to begin with. I looked at her as an option on the 3 person reunion, then she got flirtatious over IG, would plan things and flake, so inevitably through all of that my interest slowly crept higher and higher. Until now of course in which I couldn't even be bothered at the idea.

are you trying to save face. From your original post. It serms you were  terribly interested. 

[Velvet teddy]

56 minutes ago, jgraham11 said:

Well, she's the one who arranged the reunion and funny enough, she and only one other guy (a gay friend) showed up so. She's always been the one initiating trying to meet up, never me. But enough is enough and I don't have the time or energy to be jerked around. 

Usually i would think if a woman initiates there is interest initially.

But maybe you didn't show much enthusiasm or something. Or she did genuinely get busy.

[jgraham11]

4 minutes ago, Velvet teddy said:

What do you say to her when she makes plans. And do you follow up and ask her about them..or does she randomly tell you she can't make it.

 

 

When she proposed something and it fit my schedule I said yeah. I didn't follow up on anything cause there was no need to follow up, but the next I would hear from her would be something like "Maybe next week" or "It's midterms right now, how about next weekend?"

Now mind you, I wouldn't have an issue with that, it's just that I saw her out and about last night with her girlfriend when she initially told me she wouldn't be available. Am I being too harsh? Maybe, but after getting strung along for 2-3 weeks, I've had enough. 

[jgraham11]

5 minutes ago, Velvet teddy said:

are you trying to save face. From your original post. It serms you were  terribly interested. 

I don't think I came off as terribly interested. I literally mentioned I didn't speak to her for a very long time. Even after kind of figuring out she was single by the stuff she was posting on IG I didn't really even have a ton of interest. As bad as this is to say, my interest grew in her when it seemed she had interest. 

Edited September 6, 2020 by jgraham11

[Velvet teddy]

8 minutes ago, jgraham11 said:

When she proposed something and it fit my schedule I said yeah. I didn't follow up on anything cause there was no need to follow up, but the next I would hear from her would be something like "Maybe next week" or "It's midterms right now, how about next weekend?"

Now mind you, I wouldn't have an issue with that, it's just that I saw her out and about last night with her girlfriend when she initially told me she wouldn't be available. Am I being too harsh? Maybe, but after getting strung along for 2-3 weeks, I've had enough. 

Maybe she wanted some down time and meeting up with her gf isn't a major deal. 

If you are interested. How about you ask her instead. Be more proactive. If she still flakes, then leave it alone. 

Personally i wouldnt ask a person to see me if i had zero interest..and then remember the date and reschedule for another specific day. But that's me. Other people's views are she's enjoying the attention and stringing you along. 

Which is why i suggested, be more proactive and see what happens. Test the waters

 

Edited September 6, 2020 by Velvet teddy

[jgraham11]

Just now, Velvet teddy said:

Maybe she wanted some down time and meeting up with her gf isn't a major deal. 

If you are interested. How about you ask her instead. Be more proactive. If she still flakes, then leave it alone. 

 

Nah, what's done is done, I'm over the whole thing. Any more constructive criticism or further comments in here is just going to be a waste of time for everyone lol. Nothing more to say really.

[Velvet teddy]

3 minutes ago, jgraham11 said:

Nah, what's done is done, I'm over the whole thing. Any more constructive criticism or further comments in here is just going to be a waste of time for everyone lol. Nothing more to say really.

Fair enough. 

[Watercolors]

9 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

Nah, what's done is done, I'm over the whole thing. Any more constructive criticism or further comments in here is just going to be a waste of time for everyone lol. Nothing more to say really.

The lesson you need to take away from your experience with this young woman is that when someone is interested in you, you won't have to chase them. They will prioritize you and make time for you. You won't be given excuses or justifications for canceled plans. 

Best thing to do is delete her from your IG account. If you stay connected, you're just wasting your time. 

[jgraham11]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

The lesson you need to take away from your experience with this young woman is that when someone is interested in you, you won't have to chase them. They will prioritize you and make time for you. You won't be given excuses or justifications for canceled plans. 

Best thing to do is delete her from your IG account. If you stay connected, you're just wasting your time. 

 

I don't need to delete her to not stay connected. That would just look like I hold a grudge or something. 

She actually messaged me today out of the blue, but it was a random meme and no mention of me removing her from my followers and unfollowing her. I didn't even respond and will continue to not respond if she tries messaging me again. I can be a cold hearted bastard sometimes, but hey it's for the best. 

[smackie9]

I have a question....did you make your intentions clear that you wanted to date her? or did you officially ask her out on a date? Probably would have saved you some time.

Maybe she's a little insecure about putting herself out there dating again....you just never know unless you ask.

Edited September 7, 2020 by smackie9

[DCGurly]

On 9/6/2020 at 3:20 AM, jgraham11 said:

She kind of acts interested at times though. Like planning to do things, but of course never actually doing them. That's what aggravates me. It's like I'm okay taking no as an answer if someone isn't interested, but damn don't just string someone along either. 

 

She just like the attention a ego boost. I’ve done this in the past with guys I wasn’t really into. Don’t waste your time with her. 

[JRabbit]

On 9/6/2020 at 9:38 AM, jgraham11 said:

When she proposed something and it fit my schedule I said yeah. I didn't follow up on anything cause there was no need to follow up, but the next I would hear from her would be something like "Maybe next week" or "It's midterms right now, how about next weekend?"

Now mind you, I wouldn't have an issue with that, it's just that I saw her out and about last night with her girlfriend when she initially told me she wouldn't be available. Am I being too harsh? Maybe, but after getting strung along for 2-3 weeks, I've had enough. 

Shes not available because shes with her friend.....

Why do people who barely know someone think they deserve their time over someone that person is actually friends with?? Slow your role.

If you want to hang out, then plan something and say "would you like to do XYZ on such date" and go from there. Women like men who take charge of the plans.  Sitting around waiting for her to pick you doesn't make you very attractive to her.

[Snow_Queen]

On 9/6/2020 at 5:32 AM, jgraham11 said:

So you're saying she would plan things, not follow through with them, all while not being interested the entire time? It's not like I was the one making plans, she actively would say "Let's do this next weekend" or whatever and then never follow through.

Sone people aren’t able to come right out and say they’re not interested. Women are less able to do this because some men react very negatively. Some of us have been threatened or put down for rejecting a guy, even politely. It’s a very real fear so we have to hope the guy gets the picture.

 Also, I’ve had guys show interest to the point of asking me out, then never planned anything. Some would just stop talking to me abruptly. It happens. I brushed it off and kept moving on until I finally met my husband.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 9/6/2020 at 12:20 AM, jgraham11 said:

She kind of acts interested at times though. Like planning to do things, but of course never actually doing them. That's what aggravates me. It's like I'm okay taking no as an answer if someone isn't interested, but damn don't just string someone along either. 

 

Why didn't you just ask her out at the time?

[princessaurora]

I feel like I need to defend this poor girl because some posters are painting a really bad picture of her. I'm not convinced she's blowing you off. Like a few others have said she might just be scared or not ready to put herself out there again. I don't think you should pursue her though, because you won't get much out of it if her heart is still with this other guy. But being out with her girlfriend does not make her a jerk or hippocrite. It's not the same as being out on a date. Just because she's comfortable hanging out with friends doesn't mean she's comfortable going on dates. That comparing apples and oranges. 

My now husband and I had a breakup around the 4 yr mark  ( like Ross and Rachel, lol) At first I just hung out with friends, but guys kept persisting for dates so I finally got out my comfort zone and forced myself to go. Physically I was there, but mentally, my heart was not in it. I felt so bad because 2 of the guys fell really hard for me and I couldn't even bring myself to sleep with them. Once I realized I just couldn't give myself to anyone else wholeheartedy, I stopped dating and went back to just hanging with friends. Shortly after that, my now husband and I reconciled and got married about 8 months later. 

So, it may be she's just not able to give herself to anyone yet, she may still be grieving, still in love, and if that's the case the most you're  going to get out this is friendship. 

[Azincourt]

Quote

I feel like I need to defend this poor girl because some posters are painting a really bad picture of her. I'm not convinced she's blowing you off. Like a few others have said she might just be scared or not ready to put herself out there again. I don't think you should pursue her though, because you won't get much out of it if her heart is still with this other guy. But being out with her girlfriend does not make her a jerk or hippocrite. It's not the same as being out on a date. Just because she's comfortable hanging out with friends doesn't mean she's comfortable going on dates. That comparing apples and oranges. 

Nah, bro. The women who were interested in me made it quite clear, either by wanting to leave their boyfriends to get with me, or wanting to get with me quickly after their long-term relationship had ended. If someone takes time to want to go out with me/date me/sleep with me/I just shrug it off to plain-old lack of interest. It's a waste of time to be hanging around waiting for a woman to decide if she wants you or not, she either does want you and she wants you from the first moment she met you, or she won't, and sometime she will - but who cares about that when there's literally billions of women in the world and you aren't forced to date locally because you were born in a tiny village in India or something.

There are women who will take time to either develop an attraction over a particular guy, or they need time to get over another guy, or they've gotten over that guy but they still feel hurt and miserable over what the other guy pulled off during the relationship. But that's not your problem. The average healthy man in the western world has a life expectancy of 75 years, and a man's youth is even shorter than that, so much more, so don't waste your time and your emotions and your effort on someone who is whishy-whashy about you.

Cut off all contact with her,  never talk to her again, and go meet other women(although I'd wait until covid-19 is dealt with if I was you). 

 

Edited September 9, 2020 by Azincourt

[jgraham11]

On 9/9/2020 at 5:50 AM, princessaurora said:

I feel like I need to defend this poor girl because some posters are painting a really bad picture of her. I'm not convinced she's blowing you off. Like a few others have said she might just be scared or not ready to put herself out there again. I don't think you should pursue her though, because you won't get much out of it if her heart is still with this other guy. But being out with her girlfriend does not make her a jerk or hippocrite. It's not the same as being out on a date. Just because she's comfortable hanging out with friends doesn't mean she's comfortable going on dates. That comparing apples and oranges. 

My now husband and I had a breakup around the 4 yr mark  ( like Ross and Rachel, lol) At first I just hung out with friends, but guys kept persisting for dates so I finally got out my comfort zone and forced myself to go. Physically I was there, but mentally, my heart was not in it. I felt so bad because 2 of the guys fell really hard for me and I couldn't even bring myself to sleep with them. Once I realized I just couldn't give myself to anyone else wholeheartedy, I stopped dating and went back to just hanging with friends. Shortly after that, my now husband and I reconciled and got married about 8 months later. 

So, it may be she's just not able to give herself to anyone yet, she may still be grieving, still in love, and if that's the case the most you're  going to get out this is friendship. 

I'm not the one comparing her being out with a friend as the same as being on a date. The problem I had with that was she continually would come up with excuses every week about something, school, just not having time, etc. I had enough of that after about 3-4 weeks and I got the sense she was either not that interested or worse messing with me. 

Her being out with her friend clearly showed she did have free time and she chose to spend it with someone else, albeit it wasn't a guy, but still it shows her priorities are elsewhere and to me that rubbed me the wrong way. What more can I say really? It's just the reaction I had to finding that out and I don't think I'm wrong to feel that way. 

She did message last night when she found out I unfollowed her on IG and that I blocked her (causing her to unfollow me) and she just asked "Why did you unfollow me?". She also tried to follow me back, but I denied it and didn't respond to her. I haven't heard from her since and that's how I want to keep it. I don't like my time being wasted and I don't like putting myself out there and not feeling it reciprocated. I mentioned in a previous post that maybe I'm being a little too cold, but I I felt slighted by her and this is my way of saying F you, goodbye.  

Edited September 11, 2020 by jgraham11