Bridie Posted September 6, 2020 Share Posted September 6, 2020 I am feeling a little sad today lastnight my partner got drunk with his friends, they had the music blasting they were singing,banging and carrying on.. It was 12.30am and i was soo tired my bedroom is right next to the room he drinks in.. I went in frustrated and shouted "you cant drink nextweekend this is not fair on me".. (He binge drinks every single weekend) His friends decided it was time to leave so my partner said goodbye to them all happy agreeing with me it was to noisy.. He wanted leftover chicken pie and hot chips i asked him if he wanted me to cook the chips because he was soo drunk could barely stand, he responded "yes", so i asked him did he want shoestring chips he said "yes".. so i proceeded to cook them. He came into the kitchen angry and said "why did you cook thoes chips for, i did not want them" I said "because i asked you and you said yes" He then said "you are F*king useless, you always f**k s**t up!! I never said yes to anything" At this point my feelings are hurt i decide to get in my car and go bang on my nans door, he rang whilst i was there and said "please come home i am ready for bed now" i decided to come back home.. he was blasting music as i pulled up in the driveway he said "i will go to bed after i listen to this song and drink my water". I layed down in bed and he started going on again "why did you embarrass me infront of my friends?.. why cant i drink next weekend, you are the only thing that p*ssed me off.. i want a apology apologise to me properly.." I layed there after forcefully apologising, waiting for him to finally fall asleep listening to him rambling on. I woke up today at 7am as normal he woke up with me i sat in the loungeroom he sat in the bedroom, about a hour later he storms out demanding i have sex with him i said "no i am to tired" he said "why would you be tired" i said "well its obvious because of lastnight" he then abused me saying "if i dont have sex with him he will find someone who will" and then said "i was never angry until i met you, you make me that angry i could just hit you, you are the reason why i am like the way i am".. ( mind you because of him I have had sex every day for 5 years,so it is not like i dont do it) He stormed off into the bedroom and did not come out until 2pm, he jas not said anything since except for when i said "you need to stop binge drinking" he said "you need to stop eating".. This is not the first time a fight like this has occured and usually most fights start when he is drunk.. We have been togetger for 5 years and i have infertility i have had 4 ectopic pregnancies and no live births.. he blames this on my past because i had a african partner before him he says that "i am disgusting, i got diseases thats why i cant have kids" he says that "hitler would have killed you if he won the war".. He is always angry about money aswel he works and i work i pay the bills and pay for my animals i cook,clean,mow the lawns, put the bins out, etc.. All whilst he can relax buy his motorbikes, boat, car anything he wants he goes ahead and buys, i never say anything.. He claims we have no money because of me.. I have a $1000 car and my pet chickens,quails and fish.. he has a $20,000 car $23,000 boat new $18,000 sport bike new He can visit his family when he wants but i must be with him everytime otherwise it is offencive? He has friends I have my clothes from when i was 18 i am now 29. I dont even own a pair of underwear for myself I dont drink at all I dont see my family much at all and if i do he refuses to come with me. I do not have even 1 friend at all litterally I just needed to rant as i said i have no friends and i dont really like talking to my family about it either because family will always be bias regardless if you are or arent in the wrong.. i just feel so deflated I am new here i looked everwhere to find people to talk to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted September 6, 2020 Share Posted September 6, 2020 I'm sorry to say this guy is a piece of work and doesn't show you any respect. I'd move on and leave him, there are better men out there 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bridie Posted September 6, 2020 Author Share Posted September 6, 2020 I feel stuck he has made me believe that i will never find anyone else 😔 and my problem is i am afraid of being alone.. maybe i need a phycologyst or somthing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bridie Posted September 6, 2020 Author Share Posted September 6, 2020 (edited) I forgot to add to my original post that when i had to have emergency surgery for a ectopic that was about to rupture he went off his face in the surgery waiting room claiming that parking was expensive.. the receptionist gave him 10$ it was so embarrasing.. and i was in hospital for 2 days he visited me 1 time for 10 minutes and left because his sister wanted to go shopping Edited September 6, 2020 by Bridie Missed spelling Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 6, 2020 Share Posted September 6, 2020 You are being abused, seek help asap, before he starts hitting you as that is the next step. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2020 Share Posted September 6, 2020 This guy is an alcoholic & a nasty one at that. He's lying to you. You will be able to find somebody else. You are not emotionally strong enough to leave him. You need to work on that. Step one look up a group called Al-Anon. It's a support group for people in love with addicts. You will get a lot of insight into what's going on in your relationship. You will benefit from therapy so if that is an option go get some. Since your nan is willing to let you come over at 12:30 in the morning to escape this BF she will probably let you live with her. Move. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 6, 2020 Share Posted September 6, 2020 Don't look to anyone else to save you. You will have to save yourself. The relationship you described has a high likelihood of you ending up with a severe and crippling injury or dead. Then you won't have to worry about whether someone else wants you because they won't. The good thing is that you have any children. That makes it much easier to leave. Understand that that your abuser will set up conditions that will isolate you so you are easier to control. No money, no contact with friends and family, limited ability to travel, they are all hallmarks of an abusive relationship. Does his family know he treats you this badly? Can you find an ally there? You have to gather your courage and make a plan. First you need a place to go. That will be either with family, friends or a social service agency or private concern. I don't know what country you live in so I can't recommend any by name. You need to save some escape money. If you have to steal it from him you will get no criticism from me. It should be enough to sustain you for a few weeks. Start looking for a job. You will have to support yourself. All the pieces have to fall into place before can make a move and when you do make that move, make sure it's absolutely final. This is no long goodbye where he can track you down and plead that he will change if you will only slip quietly back into your cell and re-chain yourself to the wall. Keep this all to yourself. Make him as happy as you can suffer yourself to do. Do not breath a word of what you going to do. Do not alert him that his slave is about to break her bondage. Once you step out that door it has to be for the last time. It would be ideal if you could set up in another city or even country. My wife has a friend who agreed to work in the UAE for two years. She did it for adventure. You are trying to save your life. Join the military for two or three years. That would be a good safe place to get yourself back on track. There are options for your pursue. If you can't make this decision then expect at a minimum to have the features on your face rearranged. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 Sounds like this is normal between you guys. If you guys drink this stuff gonna keep happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 He is abusive if this story is truth. You gotta leave him and work on your self esteem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Datergirl Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 I would be so angry if my partner spoke to me the way he speaks to you. No way would I tolerate that behaviour. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than be beaten down by someone like that. He will continue to treat you this way. The only time it will stop is when you leave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 An alcoholic is going to be tough to live with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 (edited) Bridie, it sounds like you have gradually slipped into an abusive relationship with this guy. Previous posters are correct: he is abusive and he will use various tactics, including isolation and attempts to demoralise you, into thinking you are not worth anything, in order to control you. Please look up coercive and controlling relationships online - there is a lot of information and it will give you some insight into what is happening. He is blaming you for everything, which is a classic abuser tactic. Alcohol is often involved in the mix when there is abuse but although drinking alcohol will make his abuse more likely, it does not mean that if he stops drinking it he will suddenly turn into a loving, kind and supportive guy. He is the unpleasant guy he is - demanding and heartless. You may wish to look up co-dependency too. Partners often 'enable' alcoholics or abusers while thinking they are trying to help them or be supportive. You have been more than supportive and helpful to this guy and he does not deserve you. I know it is huge to think of leaving him when you have been together so long and been through so much together. I am so sorry to hear about the infertility, that is something you are suffering alone by the sound of it. If you were out of this relationship, you could contemplate a better future - a future with a guy who cares for you, lets you sleep, and does not demand sex every day whether you feel like it or not. Leaving can seem so scary and he has been systematically damaging your confidence so that you would be too demoralised to leave. But, you can do it. Your nan may well help you - maybe you could sound her out? Why do you think your family would be critical if you talked to them? Is it that they do not like your partner (which is understandable if they see him mistreating you) or something else? If you feel your family would not be on your side, you may be better to talk to someone independent who has therapeutic skills. There are womens' refuges in most countries: I would hope that if you contacted one, the staff there might be able to point you in the direction of support and help. They may be able to support you themselves. I wish you all the best in finding a way out of this unhappy relationship and towards a better life with the loving people you deserve. Edited September 15, 2020 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 I read this post to my 64-year-old mom. Here were her exact words, "Leave. Leave. Leave. Triple, quadruple LEAVE. I can barely stomach hearing this post and I've been through a lot of s***." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 On 9/6/2020 at 1:28 AM, Bridie said: I feel stuck he has made me believe that i will never find anyone else 😔 and my problem is i am afraid of being alone.. maybe i need a phycologyst or somthing Yep, leave FIRST, like now! Then seek professional help. Link to post Share on other sites
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