He came back after 11 years

[Peanut9330]

One of my ex's whom I dated when I was in my early 20's that cheated on me came back into my life. Correction is making attempts to come back I am not letting him. It's funny how 11 years ago I would have given anything for this moment, despite the fact that he cheated on me. Long story short he married the girl he cheated on me with just a few months after we broke up. They were happily married for 4 years until he came home one day and everything was gone. I over the years have grown and kept moving forward with my life. Once I got past the initial pain of the breakup I was able to reflect with a clear mind. It's amazing how differently we end up looking at things once we process all the feelings. Sure initially I wanted him back and had he come back in that period of time I would have welcomed him with open arms. Now however especially 11 years later I wouldn't even look his way. It's crazy to me that he would find me and the first thing and I literally mean the first thing he said to me was ... "You're not single are ya" Like what!!!!!? Anyways just wanted to put this out there for anyone who may be struggling after a break up. Not to give false hope that ex's end up coming back but to say that things do get better. Just need to take it one day at a time and keep moving forward and doing you. 

 

Cheers! 

[Maldives]

I had that happen cheated on never to be taken back ever for sure good story I hope you sent him the finger digitally 

[Hpchic]

My ex who broke up with me 5 months ago has been popping back up now.  Just last week he texted asking to see me, so yes they almost always come back.  

[schlumpy]

You did the smart thing. It rarely works to take back an old beau. 

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Great post. Leave them in the dust I say.

I did the second chance thing and it lasted about a year before it was done and I had to go through the suffering again.

[Peanut9330]

On 9/7/2020 at 10:41 AM, lonelyplanetmoon said:

Great post. Leave them in the dust I say.

I did the second chance thing and it lasted about a year before it was done and I had to go through the suffering again.

It definitely is hard to give someone a second chance after cheating. It really takes a lot of work from both individuals. I do feel lucky that he stepped away right after the relationship ended as it gave me the opportunity to think it through with a logical mindset. If he came days later I'm almost certain I would have taken him back and ended up in the same boat as you did. Lesson I learned from all that is to just allow yourself time to heal that way you can make the best decision for yourself. It's hard to be level headed when raw emotions are involved and that experience has taught me to me patient with myself and process all my feelings before making any decisions in life. 

[Peanut9330]

On 9/6/2020 at 11:15 PM, Goodguy05 said:

I had that happen cheated on never to be taken back ever for sure good story I hope you sent him the finger digitally 

Honestly I should have just for the fun of it. I did tell him that he needs to move on and not contact me anymore. He still pops into my life here and there. He sent a long love letter to my job guessing he looked me up on LinkedIn, Stating how we're meant to be together and that fate brought us back to each other. I just dumped in the shredder he'll get over it once he finds someone else to be with.  

[Wiseman2]

Too many red flags. He just got dumped again and is looking for quick sex. Backtracking through the black book to see who's available. Bad sign.

[kendahke]

On 9/8/2020 at 3:32 PM, Peanut9330 said:

It definitely is hard to give someone a second chance after cheating.

Worst mistake I made with my ex. All my 40's lost to that mess and I'll never get those years back.

[TeddyBundy1993]

You peps are lucky your ex returns lol. Nothing much to add just wanna say yeah things do get better with time.  

[Beachead]

On 9/6/2020 at 11:54 PM, Peanut9330 said:

One of my ex's whom I dated when I was in my early 20's that cheated on me came back into my life. Correction is making attempts to come back I am not letting him.

I'd rather give someone new a try, than waste my energy giving a second chance to someone who squandered it the first time via emotional irresponsibility.  The heart is fragile and vulnerable and once damaged, its a long, arduous process of grieving, healing and moving passed the breakup as I'm sure you are aware.   It's not to be taken lightly. 

I'd doubt his reasons to return after an 11 year gap are anything but self-serving and insincere and would block whatever avenue of communication he's using to get at you.

- Beach

Edited September 13, 2020 by Beachead

[Peanut9330]

On 9/13/2020 at 12:42 PM, TeddyBundy1993 said:

You peps are lucky your ex returns lol. Nothing much to add just wanna say yeah things do get better with time.  

I ended up blocking him and put him on the security list at at my job since he kept popping in and out. 

[Peanut9330]

On 9/13/2020 at 1:29 PM, Beachead said:

I'd rather give someone new a try, than waste my energy giving a second chance to someone who squandered it the first time via emotional irresponsibility.  The heart is fragile and vulnerable and once damaged, its a long, arduous process of grieving, healing and moving passed the breakup as I'm sure you are aware.   It's not to be taken lightly. 

I'd doubt his reasons to return after an 11 year gap are anything but self-serving and insincere and would block whatever avenue of communication he's using to get at you.

- Beach

Agreed 100%. I ended up blocking him he was being annoying and taking no for an answer. He kept focusing on the fact that I'm still not married and that's a sign that we should be together 😆

[TeddyBundy1993]

7 hours ago, Peanut9330 said:

I ended up blocking him and put him on the security list at at my job since he kept popping in and out. 

I see, it has been 11 years you must've moved on and I believe he cannot hurt you anymore so you didnt bothered to know what's his purpose to return back all of sudden.. ?

[Peanut9330]

On 9/16/2020 at 4:36 AM, TeddyBundy1993 said:

I see, it has been 11 years you must've moved on and I believe he cannot hurt you anymore so you didnt bothered to know what's his purpose to return back all of sudden.. ?

He wrote me a letter when he dropped of flowers for me at my job before I blocked him. It said that he made a mistake and that I was always the one. We are meant to be together and it's fate and a sign that since we both aren't married that we're meant to be together. Some stuff like that. It was all very strange and since he didn't want to leave me alone I blocked him. I don't have any ill feelings towards him but he just refused to to accept the fact that I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. He would text me lovey texts all day. Call me his sunshine and sweetheart so I had to block him.