Reconnect with a guy as a friend

[mhar]

Hello:

Need some advice. After I dated a guy for 1 month, his ex came back and when he told me he is choosing her over me he wanted to be friends. He said he would like to be friends and I blew that probably. He hasn’t blocked me. He just ignores me.  I completely went crazy with the texts on the day he told me.
 

I am 7 days in of radio silence.

after time has passed, what do you think I can say to get him back as a friend?

[stillafool]

You cannot be his friend because you still have romantic feelings for him.  Are you okay interacting with him and his new gf?  If not, you can't be his friend because friends introduce their love interests to their friends.

[mhar]

I’m okay with that. All I want is ideas on texts to send to open up the lines of communication.

 

[assertives]

His girlfriend might not be so cool about him keeping someone he dated previously as a friend though. Also, I don't think him offering friendship previously was because he genuinely wanted to be friends. He probably said that to try let you don't gently so you don't end up hating him. You are better off going NC for good.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, mhar said:

I’m okay with that. All I want is ideas on texts to send to open up the lines of communication.

 

Don't send him anything, mhar. 

If he wanted to be friends and open the lines of communication, he wouldn't have gone radio silent. He doesn't want to be friends so there's no point in trying to insert yourself back into his life. 

Since your last thread about him, had you two reconnected? You say it's been 7 days of No Contact now but that last thread was a little ago. So it sounds like you'd already tried to get in touch with him again?

[d0nnivain]

You can't get him back as a friend.  You were never friends in the 1st place.  You are broken up & now need to stay apart.  

His GF who came back will not tolerate you in his life.  You two dated.  He broke up with you.  Do you really think she wants the temptation of you around?  

His offer for friendship wasn't genuine.  It was just something people say. He has no interest in talking to you or spending time with you.  All he wants is for there to be no drama.  He expects you won't blow up his social media or bash his GF.  He expects you will be civil if you all bump into each other randomly when you are out & about. 

Subconsciously you don't want to be his friend either.  You want to orbit around him, keeping him in your life hoping that this reconciliation with his EX will be short lived so you can swoop back into the GF slot as soon as their relationship implodes again.  

[GeorgiaPeach1]

He has a girlfriend. Unless you want to be involved in drama, I'd find someone else to be my friend if I were you.

[central]

I've dated women for a short time, and if things didn't work out between us we sometimes became friends - but not if one of us still harbored romantic feelings.  More people are good friend material than are romantic material, so sometimes it works to be friends instead.  Of course, their future romantic relationships need to be okay with that.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/7/2020 at 6:41 PM, mhar said:

I want is ideas on texts to send to open up the lines of communication.

 

"Hi Adonis, I know you have a GF and I know I blew up your phone, but I just wanted to tell you I'm getting on dating sites to find a guy of my own😉".

[spiderowl]

Honestly, I would not bother if I were you.  He went back to his ex so he does not seem reliable. I think you would find it stressful being a friend to an ex whose focus was on his reclaimed girlfriend not you.

Best to cry your tears, then pick yourself up and move on.  Beware though, he might drop his ex and try to come back to you.  If you accept him, you could be in for more of the same dithering and ultimate hurt again.

 

[mhar]

Thanks