Old flame reached out 3 years later

[j21bird]

A women I dated three years ago reached out last week. Three years ago we went on a handful of dates and I thought something special was happening. The whole thing lasted only two months from the time we met until the time it ended. 

We had some great moments during that brief time. For instance, we were at a restaurant on a date and she told me she really likes jazz music. A minute later a jazz song came on the speakers and I asked her to dance. We danced among the tables- there was no dance floor. When the song ended I kissed her and the whole restaurant clapped- it was like something out of a movie. She then told me that her grandma once old her, "it's not about how the guy dances but how you feel when you dance with him. She then said she likes how she feels when she dances with me. 

We had a couple more dates after that and I felt things went really well- I felt no intuition that things were cooling off. Our last date during that time was at a fancy Christmas ball and she asked me to kiss her under the mistletoe. Then as we were walking back to my car that night, she told me she wanted to slow things down. Totally caught me off guard. I was really starting to fall for her. I texted her a few days later and she had short responses that were kind of aloof. Anyways I did not want to pushy, so I figured if I had any chance down the road I should just back off and move on and maybe I would hear from her.

I never forgot about her; she had my attention more than any other women I have dated in the last few years. 

Then out of the blue last week she hit the like button on a bunch of my photos, so I texted and said hi and asked how she was doing. After a few texts, I did not drag my feet and asked if she wanted to grab drinks and catch up. We did have dinner and drinks- it was really good, she looks just as great as ever. It was relaxed and not awkward. Halfway into dinner, she mentioned she is moving back to the small town she is from in a month. So that was interesting. We chatted for another hour -it was good, but I did not want to linger, so I told her I was meeting friends to watch a basketball game that night. We had a hug and that was that. 

I am in my mid 30s and my wisdom says to just let this one go since she is moving back home 1,000 miles away. I don't know what to make of her popping up. Tempted to see see her again before she moves, but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. 

That was two days ago that we met up. 

Any insights would be appreciated. 

[ExpatInItaly]

Has she recently broken up with someone, by chance?

[j21bird]

I don't think so. At least I see no evidence of that. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, j21bird said:

I don't think so. At least I see no evidence of that. 

I ask only because it's not unusual for people to go digging into their past on the heels of a split, or other such upset in one's love life. 

In any event, you have to ask yourself if it's worth testing the waters when she's moving far away quite soon. Let's say you two had a couple more dates, had some fun, and she bids farewell and that's that. Would you feel okay with that? If not, I wouldn't bother meeting up again. If you would still be up for a good time but can keep your expectations low, then proceed. 

[j21bird]

Those are good thoughts; thank you!

I know if I were in my 20s I would have already reached out to her to plan a another date. But I also got hurt more in my 20s. 

I will think about it for a day or two- maybe just seeing if she wants to grab coffee is all the investment I will make unless she gives other indications. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Sounds like something negative happened in her life recently, and she needed a hit of attention and validation. 

[chillii]

Going home like that is usually because things just haven't happened in wherever they've moved away to.The right relationship is also a part of that and obviously nothings worked out in that regard either. You were probably part of that too and she's still wondered so she's popped up. Your probably the last thing left in her decision to double check before she goes. Personally l think you'll only finish up very disappointed again, she still sounds flat about it.

Edited September 12, 2020 by chillii

[j21bird]

I texted her and said hi around 4 days after we had drinks. She did not respond. And I have not attempted to reach out further. 

It's ok that I did not hear back. 

I just had never seen a woman reach out after that long of a time, so I was curious what she had on her mind. And that was a situation that I have not experienced before. 

Looks like that is the end of that chapter. 

 

[Huffy]

Like someone else said, I think she was feeling a little down and needed a pick-me-up. She remembered you and maybe she remembered feeling good around you, so she picked you to help her feel better. People are weird.

[schlumpy]

She was making up for what she did to the relationship three years ago.

She's felt guilty all these years and this was her way of giving you closure and mollifying her conscience. She also wanted to discover if she had made a mistake.

She had not, so she mentioned she was moving very soon.

And you went right along with it and gave her what she wanted.

Good thing you are such a nice guy.