I'm come to realize that I've been warped by the Red Pill. and I'm not sure how to move on.

[CarAndZam]

I feel like I need to let go of the Red Pill once and for all. And yet, I still have so much work to do on myself, based on countless rejections. What do I do?

Lately I had a situation in where I was afraid a girl I’ve been dating found my other Reddit account, which was filled with personal things about me like insecurities, dating failures, low self esteem, etc. and TRP posts. We hadn’t talk in 5 weeks. Thankfully, the girl contacted me last Thursday, and we went on a date Saturday and had an amazing time. Her whole family got COVID. She was isolating the whole time. An update for those of you who read that story last week.

I had posted it in several subreddits, plus Loveshack. While I didn’t agree with some of the BP answers, they made me realized that maybe RP has really warped my view on dating and women. I feel like I’ve become to.... analytical. Too cold and calculating in my socializing. Inside my head to much. Trying to apply RP to everything. And being inside my head is something I’ve always done before TRP. 

Yet... could it be that I don’t apply RP enough? Is RP holding me back, or is it because I haven’t applied it properly? I ask because I’ve had lots of dating failures. Last week I had 4 dates, failed all them except a meaningless one night stand. In June I, no lie, went on 6 dates in 2 weeks and failed all of them. In my whole dating life I’ve gone on 50 dates with different girls, body count is only 20, and I maybe gotten 10 second dates. Only 3 led to something more meaningful, though I never had a girlfriend in my life. 

And I’m going to be honest, most of my hook ups have been with mediocre looking women, a bit below my standards. With the exception of a handful, most of the attractive Women I’ve dated have ghosted me. 

Point is, I fail a lot. This more likely due to my very boring, dull personality. I don’t have an exciting fun demeanor. I’m not very masculine, I have lots of issues with overthinking and nervousness. I don’t have any social status whatsoever. Not many friends. 

All of this bleeds into my interactions with women... or people in general. At least this is an improvement to how I was 3 years ago. Back then I was a forever alone incel, very insecure about my looks. Couldn’t get no dates at all. But I dropped 50 Ib, cleared a bit of my acne, got new glasses and wore better clothing. Bit of a better haircut. So while I still feel like an ugly ogre, at least it helps knowing I can get dates easily. I’m going on dates with girls I could’ve only fantasized about 3 years ago. Im actually amazed how attractive a lot of these girls are. And it’s easy to get dates. If I wanted to I can go on 4-5 dates this week if I wanted to, but I won’t cause of school. 

But now that insecurity of looks has been replaced with insecurity of personality. At least looks are easily fixable with some work... a personality with these amounts of issues are not. 

People mention “why are you so worried about other girls when you got one who really likes enough to give you her virginity and has gone on 15-20 dates with you in the past couple months” 

This girl I mentioned at beginning of the post, I really like her. Not sure if she’ll be my girlfriend, I hope so. But the reason why I go on dates with other girls in the meantime is so I can get abundance and not make this girl my only source of intimacy. I feel like I don’t date other girls this one she’ll mean too much with me and I’ll drive her away. Yet I feel like this is the toxic part of TRP speaking to me. 
... what should I do?

Is RP holding me back? Am I failing cause I didn’t use it correctly? Do I allow myself to love this girl, or do the RP thing and find abundance with other girls? Why does this girl even like me? Will she eventually find me boring to? Why do I fail sometimes and succeed in others? What other non-toxic sources are there for dating advice for men? 

Should mention, 90% of my dates are from Tinder, 7% from FB dating and 3% Bumble... I pulled those calculation from my ass by the way I didn’t actually calculate. I’m also 22 if that matters.

I know, reading this you can tell I have lots... flaws and warped views. Even have been aware of it but I’ve never cared to fix it. But now I feel like I need to. Dating has been very cold and meaningless for the most part. And it’s all my fault. This why I like this girl a lot, cause of the first time I’ve ever felt something meaningful with someone in a very long time. Like the first time I wanted something more than sex. Where I just enjoy being in their presence.

I know that reading this you probably already hate and have painted an ugly image of me. And rightfully so, but I need to believe me when I say that I’m posting because I sincerely want to be better. I never become those TRPers who hated women and blamed them for anything. I legit just wanted to find a way for people like me, especially women. Cause people in general just don’t. 
 

Therapy has been recommend to me on here, and I will do that later. But being a college student working part time I don’t have the money or the time itself. I’m hoping Ex-Red pillers or any ex PUAs can help me. 

Edited September 10, 2020 by CarAndZam

[mark clemson]

While I'm not a huge fan of RP "philosophy," like most of these things there is some truth to some of it some of the time.

It sounds like you have absorbed enough of the "useful" aspects of it AND/OR grown enough in other ways + made the changes you described and now have some success in dating. So that's positive.

It sounds like the emotional scars from your youth have not healed fully though. It sounds like inwardly you are "needy" perhaps and/or insecure. The "pre-dating" part of you is still carried with you. So, yes, eventually the therapy might be good.

You changed your mindset "to" RP. You can change it back out. Doesn't have to happen overnight. Go slow and keep the aspects of RP that you find useful, while dropping the cynical and misogynous aspects, etc. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. That philosophy should apply to your other self-improvement efforts as well - keep at them - they may help you in ways other than dating, such as health, job success, your overall life satisfaction, etc, over time.

I would say attempt to make it work with this woman you like. If it doesn't, return to dating. There's no guarantee of anything ever, so just keep that in mind. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't seek what you actually want when the opportunity arises.

 

Edited September 10, 2020 by mark clemson