my girlfriend hit me and I hit back after trying to walk away

[steve1234321]

ALL: new to this site this is my question and my story sorry for any confusion

so heres a little insight me and my well now ex met in 2016 and i was immediately drawn to her

about 6/7 months in of course we had some issues while getting to know her and us spending alot alot of time togethor she flirted with a guy infront of me and “had a talk with him in his car at the local bar”and when i asked about it i was told it was nothing for months come to find out they had a history but apparenty nothing happened in the car i figured i can only take her word and my now 6 year old son came to take a liking to her i let it go with the belief it happened before i knew her…

fast forward a few more months we were living togethor and things were good until they wernt she became cold began to tell me she didnt care if i was there or not i explained over and over that i dont feel like the ONE she claimed i was and i wasnt getting any of the compassion i needed and i wanted to work on it with her and it would get minimalized and i was told she just is not affectionate when i know she is cause she had been so many other times…wel we ended up having a big blow up in which she threw previous partners “not boyfriends” but partners in my face and she should call them over since she didnt have issues with these “hookups”i took my soundbar off the wall which damaged the drywall which she made a huge deal for 2 weeks dragging it out “im a general contractor and offered to fixed it multiple time” she finally let me after someone came and made it worse so i fixed it hooked up for two weeks and we called it a quits after that…..a few months later she was dating someone else

8 months after our break up she calls i went back was told how shes changed wants to put my needs and wants as a priority to her and i deserve them to be met and the other guy was nothing like me again everything was good until it wasnt the coldness started again about 4 months in and in turn made me feel worse then the first time so bad i had dangerous thoughts and feelings about life which i explained to her and that she was making me feel this way “worthless not enough and just plain unwanted by her”  told me i was physco and needed help and to never to talk to her again amd then made fun of me for it in a group chat, so i took her advice got counseling for quite some time and and started feeling good about myself. and life again meanwhile within a week she was with the guy above again,

10 months later this time you got it she called and i went back heard the who speil again and everything for the most part was amazing all of my needs of affection were met but not so much on the communication side of things fights happen but she takes them to a different level by saying the meanest things which in turn i usually leave go home for the night which i get in trouble  before because im apparently not committed for walking away from her emotional abuse i drive 70 miles a day just to spend time with her and pay for everything we ever do within just the last few months i was told im a baby killer “my previous relationship had a miscarriage” she wants to run the car off the road so id die. bring up a different guy to make me jelous and then to the point we were at the bar she had to much yelled she was cheating on me got carted out on an ambulance after she fell and told me she was drugged and then broke up with me for a short time because i wasnt there for her the next day “i watched cameras with the GM and nothing told me i was interferring with a police investigation by going and why would i care since i wasnt there the next day considering i was upset and hurt by her words, but also told her bestfriend she didnt want the police involved at all ” all of which ive never gotten an apology for more like a sorry it hurt your feelings what do u wanna do today kinda thing

she has become a really angry drunk on the weekends who also said my mom did a poor job raising me “she suffered from addiction and passed when i was 13”

now to 11 days ago we were at a party at my best friend of 26 years house where everything between us was fine all the witnesses says we looked like the perfect couple…it was the end of the night i told her id pull the car up while she said good byes so i did and got in the passenger seat and fell asleep she left me out there for 45 minutes but whatevef i was sleeping she then gets in drives down the street and begins screaming and shouting and hitting me i get out of the car and stand there to gather my bearings she follows me around and continues to hit me i pushed her away got in the car and asked to go home…she then continued to call my mom a junkie who OD and died and im a dead beat dad “have joint custody issues” and hit me again causing blood and scratches on my face i hit back i slapped her hands which were infront of her face causing her hands to hit herself and causing a black eye 

she continued to freak out so i restrained her and while doing so i dont know why but i hit her in the ribs once she then stopped she then drove back tk my friends at 1am holding the horn i got out she screamed every mean thing you could imagine for about 10 minutes then left me and blocked me on social media…

the next day my stuff was at her house including car so i was texting to retrieve it with no response i showed up texted saying i was here she opened the door and through my keys at me and my stuff was already thrown outside and she also took white spray paint to the side of my truck damaging my f150 lariat obviously …later that afternoon i wrote a message saying idk what i did to provoke you but j am sorry for my part in it all so in 11 days i wrote three seperate apologies saying id like to talk and that i feel terrible and to let me know if she has any time i would just like to talk and have gotten nothing

i saw on a mutual friends snapchat “mainly her friend” tht they were at the beach bar hopping of course with no response i was hurt so i wrote glad to see shes moving on and not slowing down sarcastically we went back and forth my ex and her friend obvi side by side and the last message said her being at the beach with me dosnt mean shes moving on you both need time and she dosnt think my ex wants to relive the situation and is just trying to let it go and maybe i should to….

her mom also wrote me about birthday plans as its on the 19th

so again i feel abondoned confused ashamed of my actions and completely not worth it to her with her silent treatment and find myself wondering if shell be back id like to reconcile and do counseling and whatever needs to be done because i do love the girl but my heads pulling one way and my heart the other and i would like to get them in sync

 

theres much more on the history im missing out on my previous counselor said shes a stonewalling gaslighter i just dont know why its so hard for me to move on 

thanks for any advice given its appreciated

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to get out of this ridiculous train wreck of a relationship once and for all. 

 

[robaday]

I left a relationship recently when she screamed at me several times despite me saying I would not tolerate it. And my reason for leaving was I didn't ever want to be in a position where I start having to raise my voice to her, or end up in the situation you are in. Mate, run, own your part in it and get some counselling. 

[Mystery4u]

Why are you even considering getting back with her?

You already made that mistake more than once. Time to grow up and get out of this mess that you keep running back to her like a lost puppy.

[Wiseman2]

You need to end it or you'll end up in jail.

Your interactions are toxic, violent and if she goes to the hospital, they'll file a police report 

They don't care if "she provoked you". They'll look at the severity of the assaults and he said/she said won't cut it if you have scratches and she has broken ribs and black eyes.

[kendahke]

You're old enough to know that this whole thing is ridiculous.

Leave her alone. Block her number and move on.  She's psychotic  and you need to put some distance between you and the apparent danger.

Also, you should have gotten out your phone, taken pictures of your injuries and called the police on her for assault. She has no business putting her hands on you. Doesn't matter how mad she was. She's grown. It's time for her to learn how to handle her anger and if that means having a record because she couldn't figure out how to control herself, then so be it.

You also need to file a report that she damaged your property.

Edited September 10, 2020 by kendahke

[Hpchic]

This relationship needs to end, it’s toxic!  Next time she asks to get back together you need to be strong and say no, this is a cycle that will never end.  

[steve1234321]

thank you all for the replies, i dont know why its so hard for me to move on but it is.

[spiderowl]

It sounds to me like you are used to having toxic uninhibited behaviour in your life, OP, maybe because you come from a family with a parent who abused alcohol.  It may be that you do not know what a 'normal' relationship is like.  It is not full of anger, shouting matches, threats, insults and physically abusive behaviour.  It is more calm and loving.  If you were brought up in a drama-filled environment, then you tend to expect it.  The lack of it would seem strange and maybe make you feel insecure (ironically) as if 'something' is missing.

This relationship is full of drama and abuse.  It is truly toxic.  Love is lost in a relationship like this.  Neither of you appear to be capable of having a 'normal' relationship.  Maybe you are addicted to the drama and excitement, after all drama does cause chemical changes in the body as the body prepares to deal with a potentially dangerous crisis.  You could be hooked on those internal chemicals.

You need to leave this woman and seek counselling again to treat your compulsion to be with her.  Otherwise, you are just going to end up in court and potentially prison, if you both survive a relationship!  She does not appear to love you.  Find out what other loving relationships are about and consider how you would cope with them, with the aid of a counsellor.  Hopefully, this addiction to the drama will wear off eventually and you will be able to find a loving relationship rather than keep ending up in domestic turmoil. Please bear in mind that if you have children, they will have to face this toxic environment too and may even be taken away from you.  If you are a loving person, you would not wish that on anyone.

Edited September 13, 2020 by spiderowl

[DarrenB]

People have explained this to you in your previous thread.

You have been involved in a severe level of toxicity and to put it straight a dysfunctional relationship with this woman, which for some reason has lasted WAY past its expiry date.

Reconciling, even thinking about it is off the cards. My question is why? there is nothing left here for you two to divulge in.

Do what's best for both you and your 6 year old son.