cmt9000 Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Greetings all... I'm at work typing this, I just found this forum after searching Google for a relationship forum. Anyway, my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for 2 years now, and living together for over 1 year. We met through work...we were both married at the time, but both of our marriages were rocky and going downhill fast. Anyway, she is now totally upset with me because I went to lunch with another girl who works with me here in my department(she's happily married and sits right by me). Here's what happened. I got up from my cube and announced I was going to lunch. "Julie" asked where I was going and I said "just down to Wendy's", which is just right next door. So we just took her car through the drivethru, got lunch and came back to the office. I ate here my cube, and she ate with her friends outside. So you can see it's not like we actually went to lunch together, we just drove through the drive-thru. My GF called and asked what I did for lunch, and I told her I just went through the Wendy's drive-thru with "Julie". She got so upset she hung up on me. She then emailed me a nasty letter saying how she can never trust me again. I haven't replied yet...but I don't know even what to say. I'm stuck! I love her, but I think she went a little overboard... Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Considering the way you two ended up together it seems your girlfriend is insecure and doesn't have faith/trust in you. That is the problem when 2 people jump out of one relationship to be with someone else... Just keep on telling her you love her, confirm your feelings for her and let her know that you are not interested in Julie. It's OK to have lunch with the opposite sex, it doesn't mean you're looking for something on the side. Take this as a red flag and work together to ease her fears. She may have gone overboard in your eyes, but to her, her fears are real. Link to post Share on other sites
uRabbit Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 My last girlfriend and I got together via her cheating on her sh**ty boyfriend to be with me. I know I never had trust for her because of that and because she'd cheated on her ex-bfs with other guys. This could be what your girl is feeling. You should ask her why she got so upset. If this were my girlfriend, and she went through a drive-thru with another guy, the only thing I would have been shaky about is that she got in the car alone with a guy. I'm very protective. I wouldn't be as upset as your girl is though... There's some underlying problems there. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 How do you live and work with the same person? That's what I want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
uRabbit Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 How do you live and work with the same person? That's what I want to know. What are you talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmt9000 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 We don't work together anymore...I left that job before we moved in together. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Good job (no pun intended). Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmt9000 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 Now she's trying to get me to say that I was totally wrong in doing this and to promise to never ever do it again....sheesh! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 A little possessive, if you ask me. Time to assert yourself and see how she takes it. If she goes ballistic, you may want to give her the boot. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 I don't see anything wrong with what you did, and your gf seems to be over reacting. I think whichwayisup could be right about why she doesn't trust you. Since you replaced your wife with a woman at work, it probably makes sense to her that you'd replace her the same way. Talk to her about why she has a problem with it and why she feels she can't trust you. If that's why, then explain to her that you and her were a special case and that you love her and have no interest in any women at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmt9000 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 My God...I don't know what is up with her. Of course now she doesn't want to speak to me until I admit my "guilt" and promise to never behave this way again. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 How do you know she isn't doing the same thing to you? I mean, at least you told her. Just emasculate yourself, for cying out loud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmt9000 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 I don't, but I trust her. And if she did go to lunch with another guy, I wouldn't blow a fuse over it. I acutally didn't goto lunch, just went through the drive-thru, got food, came back, ate at my cube. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 All I see are red flags... Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 My God...I don't know what is up with her. Of course now she doesn't want to speak to me until I admit my "guilt" and promise to never behave this way again. That's just ridiculous. She said she doesn't want to speak to you, so stop calling her and stop talking to her until she calms down and realizes how ridiculous she's being. If she doesn't eventually come to her senses, maybe you're better off without someone that insanely jealous and irrational. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmt9000 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 Now she's emailing me stuff like: "You know....I couldn't even get in a car with another guy without thinking "this doesn't feel right". And the more and more I think about it I can't understand why you wouldn't feel the same way too......" The problem is...I LOVE THIS GIRL...I can't just walk away... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Just tell her to chill, that you won't do it again. And leave it at that. If she continues to bring it up in the future (which she just might), you may want to consider other options, or simply speak your mind and tell her to shut up. They usually regret their actions when they realize you're about to bail, until the next blowup. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Just tell her to chill, that you won't do it again. And leave it at that. Nah, don't tell her it won't happen again unless you're actually okay with following through with that. That'll give her reason to blow up if she finds out you did anything with another woman (possibly even a group lunch with a woman present). If you want to retain your rights to have lunch with a female coworker, tell her you're sorry you upset her (which doesn't admit guilt), then maybe she'll be open to talk. Then you can explain to her that it was just lunch with a coworker. If she continues to bring it up in the future (which she just might), you may want to consider other options, or simply speak your mind and tell her to shut up. They usually regret their actions when they realize you're about to bail, until the next blowup. I agree that if she thought you were about to bail, she'd probably realize how stupid she's being. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Nah, don't tell her it won't happen again unless you're actually okay with following through with that. That'll give her reason to blow up if she finds out you did anything with another woman (possibly even a group lunch with a woman present). If you want to retain your rights to have lunch with a female coworker, tell her you're sorry you upset her (which doesn't admit guilt), then maybe she'll be open to talk. Then you can explain to her that it was just lunch with a coworker. That's actually some pretty good advice. In fact, it's probably a much better alternative. Less evasive, too. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 There's only one way to deal with irrational and unacceptable stupidity in a partner - threaten to leave. In most cases, once they realise you're serious, they backtrack totally and start begging you to not go. That's the moment when you exact promises to change. Of course they don't follow through fully, but over time you'll get them to bend to your will. If they don't, then simply leave and don't come back - there's always more fish in the sea, women who aren't headcases and who behave reasonably. You don't even have to mean your split seriously - just convince them that you are serious. I.e. BLUFF. If you don't do this, then their behaviour will never change and you will have to put up with their bullsh*t for the duration of your relationship. You will become a hen-pecked pussified emasculated shell of a man, the laughing stock of your friends and colleagues, and life will generally be miserable. Is this what you want, when there are loads of gorgeous funny happy kind-hearted women who aren't walking emotional wrecks of jealousy and insecurity? Someone who would never leave their partner is open to exploitation, simple as that. There has to be a line that you won't allow them to cross. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmt9000 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 Now she is saying stuff like this! "You got in a car willingly with out feeling any bit of guilt what so ever with another girl....... I don't agree with it, I don't feel it's right. I could never in a million years do that to you....." Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Now she is saying stuff like this! "You got in a car willingly with out feeling any bit of guilt what so ever with another girl....... I don't agree with it, I don't feel it's right. I could never in a million years do that to you....." When are you going to be a man and stand up for yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmt9000 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 Good question... But I am standing up for myself now. I'm home from work now. She called and said she's going to the park. She then said we need to have a long talk, because if I don't see why I'm wrong, then we need to breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmt9000 Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 One thing that has got me, is that she keeps on saying stuff like: "I'd never do this to you..." "I can't believe you don't see why you are wrong!" "What will it take for me to make you see that you hurt me..." "Don't you love me? Don't you want me to be happy? Then just admit that you were wrong!" It's blowing fuses in my brain! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Let her break up with you then... you'll be free to date someone more compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
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