uRabbit Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Good question... But I am standing up for myself now. I'm home from work now. She called and said she's going to the park. She then said we need to have a long talk, because if I don't see why I'm wrong, then we need to breakup. She beat you to the punch. Now it'll be you admitting your fault and begging her to come back to you... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 One thing that has got me, is that she keeps on saying stuff like: "I'd never do this to you..." "I can't believe you don't see why you are wrong!" "What will it take for me to make you see that you hurt me..." "Don't you love me? Don't you want me to be happy? Then just admit that you were wrong!" It's blowing fuses in my brain! Does she understand that she's insecure? Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 She then said we need to have a long talk, because if I don't see why I'm wrong, then we need to breakup. $100 says she's bluffing. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Does she understand that she's insecure? I doubt she does, but she clearly is. cmt9000, you need to calm her down before she'll start to see things rationally. Acknowledge that she's hurt and let her know you didn't mean to hurt her. It may take awhile to get her calmed down without admitting you're guilty. Once she is, you can explain to her that you did nothing wrong and you're not going to say that you did. Make sure that you stay calm even if she's yelling at you. You might also want to let her know at some point that you don't appreciate being threatened with a break-up like that. Link to post Share on other sites
CarmenIbanez Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 RUN, do not walk, away from this relationship. The reality is that she is insecure and irrational and that is not likely to change. Instead, it is likely that it will cause much more hurt and disaster. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Are you guys aware that you're advising a man to break off a relationship just because of one jealous scene? I really wonder if you have ever left your partner at the first red flag? He doesn't want to leave her, he loves her. And she loves him. The problem of jealousy can be solved with time. First of all, she doesn't trust you because you cheated on your wife. You started a relationship with her BEFORE divorcing your wife. The fact that she did the same doesn't change her heart about this. She trusts herself and believes she would never cheat on you, but doesn't trust you. I think you simply need to convince her (without begging or anything) that you love her and would also never cheat on her, that driving with another woman doesn't lead to sex. That you would like her to understand she has nothing to worry about, not that you've done something wrong. Don't argue. Be full ofunderstanding and civilized. Let her know that you would like to see things from her perspective and give her a chance to explain to you what exactly she thinks you did wrong and why she thinks it's wrong. I can actually see where she is coming from and she only needs time to realize she was wrong. However if this woman (the collegue) is drop-dead gorgeous then I can understand why your GF might feel insecure because of her. You might start from telling her that you're not attracted to this woman. Whenever I have some type of contact with a guy, I always feel the urge to let my BF know that I wouldn't be attracted to these guys even if I were single (which is true). For some reason that works better for all of us than saying "(S)he is very attractive, but I love you and would never cheat on you." It should be the other way round actually, but it's not... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Are you guys aware that you're advising a man to break off a relationship just because of one jealous scene? I really wonder if you have ever left your partner at the first red flag? He doesn't want to leave her, he loves her. And she loves him. I believe she's stubborn and domineering... a result of her previous relationship (which also failed). Their relationship was based on commiseration, not romance. Both were on the rebound, not healthy in any circumstance. Of course he loves her. She just needs to show some flexibility, that's all. I suspect the trauma of her failed marriage has a lot to do with her reluctance to see eye to eye on things. Some people can handle it better than others. It may be just one jealous scene, but it's only going to get worse. She demands complete surrender, as if this were the Inquisition. And they're not even married yet. I wonder if this is the first time it's happened. Probably not. Nevertheless, you could still be right. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Link to post Share on other sites
CarmenIbanez Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 People don't change THAT much during the course of their adult lives. And for sure women are not fully cooked until 30. You have to actually get past the age of 30 before you realize I am right. Women in their 20s are immature, irrational and down right mean. They will not change, if their bad behavior is not confronted by the reality that people will not put up with it. Certain personality traits are deal breakers. Jealousy, especially irrational jealousy is one of them. But the true measure of this arguement has little to do with the irrational jealousy. It has to do with the fact that she would not forgive his transgression until HE ADMITTED that what he did was not just wrong, but was everything she said it was. Everyone gets jealous, but what she was doing is called emotional blackmail. It is a very serious character flaw and one that is not likely to change. Him being sorry for hurting her wasn't enough, he had to subjugate his own identity and belief about his actions in order to please her. This is a scary thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts