BF broke up with me but wanted to keep seeing me

[Gemini3]

Me and my bf got together only a month after things ended with him and his previous girlfriend. We were together for 4 months but he said he was going through depression and wasnt sure if he should be in another relationship so soon. I was understanding but also allowed my insecurities to create a wedge between us because I could sense part of him didnt want to be in a relationship and needed time to heal from his other relationship.

So while he wanted space, I wanted reassurance. This was the only cause of any fights we had. After one of these fights, he said he couldnt be in a relationship right now but we could still see each other as friends and do all the other things a couple does like cuddle, etc. I knew this wasnt going to be a good idea because he was essentially delegating me to FWB, which I didnt want.

I agreed but soon realized he was "talking" to other girls. Once I became aware of this, I cried and we had a huge fight in his car. He yelled "WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!" I said no we obviously arent. He told me he had already hung out with a girl he was "Talking" to & didnt answer me when I asked if he was going to continue seeing her. I drove home after this, sent him a "we cant see each other anymore" text, to which he told me to move on, and I blocked him.

I am so hurt because for 4 months he was telling me he was falling deeply in love with me, literally sending me paragraphs through text about how amazing he thought I was and how I was the greatest thing in his life & hes so lucky to have me. I mean I met his entire friend circle and his family, we spent every weekend together - then he gets cold feet & is seeing someone else now. I am beyond confused, as if the past 4 months meant nothing to him? Pls help, I need clarity and advice on this situation.

[neowulf]

2 hours ago, Gemini3 said:

I am so hurt because for 4 months he was telling me he was falling deeply in love with me, literally sending me paragraphs through text about how amazing he thought I was and how I was the greatest thing in his life & hes so lucky to have me. I mean I met his entire friend circle and his family, we spent every weekend together - then he gets cold feet & is seeing someone else now. I am beyond confused, as if the past 4 months meant nothing to him? Pls help, I need clarity and advice on this situation.

Love is a battle field.

I'm sorry you feel hurt and confused, but the situation is really quite straight forward.

He fed you a bunch of pretty words to try and get what he wanted (FWB).  When it became apparent that wasn't going to happen, he decided to move onto his next target.  He kept you around, either for ego stroking or with the hope that he could change your mind.

It was 4 months.  It's not a long time in the scheme of things when it comes to dating.  It sucks, but it is what it is.  

Don't ever judge people on what they say.  Judge them on what they do.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 8/29/2020 at 3:31 AM, Nova28 said:

I have been seeing a guy for 3-4 months. At first he agreed to be in a relationship but then after about a month and a half said even though hes falling in love with me, he isnt ready for a relationship but said we can continue seeing each other. I said I will only continue seeing you if we are exclusive as in you are not seeing other women. He agreed. 

After a fight we had last week, he told me he is in fact talking to other women but he isnt "seeing them". By "talking to" I mean he is on tinder, matching with girls and DMing them. I cried and told him we are supposed to be exclusive, he isnt supposed to be talking to other women on dating sites. He said he thought I was talking to other guys too and he thought being exclusive just meant not sleeping with other people.

Since the fight, he has been texting me less. I havent heard from him for 2 days. The confusing part is at the end of the fight, I said "I dont even want to talk to other people!" He said "I dont want to either!" Then we hugged and made up. However, these past 2-3 fridays & saturdays he has been hanging out with his "friends" who he said were guy friends but now I'm not so sure of that. He will see me during the week like on a Tuesday or Thursday but this has only been happening recently because before, we would hang out on the weekends.

It started changing when I brought up the exclusive talk again. He used to be so affectionate, saying sweet things to me. Now he treats me like a friend, except when we cuddle or kiss he will still hold me tight and be passionate and cuddle for hours. Then he goes back to being cold.

Should I text him first or wait for him to text me? Should I just walk away from this?

I need a game plan. I am so confused. 

OP, is this you? 

The stories, details and wording are all very similar. 

[La.Primavera]

It seems so clear what the truth is.  You just don't want to see it.

He didn't want to be in a committed relationship with you, but enjoyed the benefits of having a girlfriend.  When it became too difficult to juggle you and all his tinder dates over the weekends he bailed.  That is how cold he is.  You may not believe it, but those are the facts.   

One day, when this isn't so fresh and hurtful, you will be so glad you blocked this guy.  You won't question his motives or meaning behind his actions because you won't care.  He is an insincere, unfaithful, game playing user.  Who wants a serious relationship with someone like that?

My advice is to hold your head up high and do your best to forget about him and move on.  You can do better.

[Gemini3]

Yes that is me. Same guy, same issue, I posted this because it had evolved since the last time I posted and I wanted to summarize everything as of late. I have noticed people will go look at my old relationship posts and ask me about them that have no relevance to my current situation which is why I have two accounts. Interesting to know I sound the same through my writing, that's kind of funny. Anyway...

The pain of getting left for someone else is easing a bit every day but it hurts knowing hes out there having fun with his new woman while I havent even gone on a date yet (I dont want to, I'm moving anyway). I just dont understand how some people can do that. He literally told me he was falling in love with me and now he's been dating this new girl like I never existed. Why does he get to have fun while I'm left feeling this heartbreak? How can someone just move on like that?

I find myself over it and then an hour later I fixate on what he must be doing with her, especially when the weekends roll around, like today. 

[Datingdisabled]

17 minutes ago, Gemini3 said:

Yes that is me. Same guy, same issue, I posted this because it had evolved since the last time I posted and I wanted to summarize everything as of late. I have noticed people will go look at my old relationship posts and ask me about them that have no relevance to my current situation which is why I have two accounts. Interesting to know I sound the same through my writing, that's kind of funny. Anyway...

The pain of getting left for someone else is easing a bit every day but it hurts knowing hes out there having fun with his new woman while I havent even gone on a date yet (I dont want to, I'm moving anyway). I just dont understand how some people can do that. He literally told me he was falling in love with me and now he's been dating this new girl like I never existed. Why does he get to have fun while I'm left feeling this heartbreak? How can someone just move on like that?

I find myself over it and then an hour later I fixate on what he must be doing with her, especially when the weekends roll around, like today. 

That passes pretty quick when you realize you don't want to be out on a Friday night. I found my old Facebook and I do recall it being exhausting after a certain age. Being social and having lots of friends, isn't all it's cracked up to be. People do tend to bring drama so you have to weed people out. 

I like going out, don't get me wrong, but not every night. It is not a better life being social and out drinking every weekend. If you can appreciate other hobbies on weekends then just focus on that. 

If you look at it that way then they might not have a better relationship either. 

Edited September 11, 2020 by Datingdisabled

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, Gemini3 said:

Yes that is me. Same guy, same issue, I posted this because it had evolved since the last time I posted and I wanted to summarize everything as of late. I have noticed people will go look at my old relationship posts and ask me about them that have no relevance to my current situation which is why I have two accounts. Interesting to know I sound the same through my writing, that's kind of funny. Anyway...

The pain of getting left for someone else is easing a bit every day but it hurts knowing hes out there having fun with his new woman while I havent even gone on a date yet (I dont want to, I'm moving anyway). I just dont understand how some people can do that. He literally told me he was falling in love with me and now he's been dating this new girl like I never existed. Why does he get to have fun while I'm left feeling this heartbreak? How can someone just move on like that?

To be fair, the other thread about him is relevant to the current situation. It provides relevant context so it's a good idea to stick to one thread and update that so posters can better help you by responding to all those related details rather than a fragmented picture of the whole story. 

Regardless, to address the thoughts you've posted here: someone can move on quickly when they were just not that invested to begin with. Saying he's in love with you is meaningless when his actions don't line up. Given what you have written here and your other thread, it's unfortunately pretty clear that he just wasn't into this the way you were. Don't hang around when a guy tries to demote you to FWB. That's the kiss of death to your heart as it rarely ever turns out well. 

Use this as an opportunity to learn and grow, for yourself. This will be life's lesson to not overlook red flags, and to opt out when a guy is offering so little. Stay No Contact so you really heal and move forward. 

[Wiseman2]

Don't get involved with someone who is on/off with his GF. Block and delete him.

[kendahke]

On 9/10/2020 at 10:25 PM, Gemini3 said:

Me and my bf got together only a month after things ended with him and his previous girlfriend.

That made you his rebound relationship and those rarely work out.
 

Quote

he said he couldnt be in a relationship right now but we could still see each other as friends and do all the other things a couple does like cuddle, etc. I knew this wasnt going to be a good idea because he was essentially delegating me to FWB, which I didnt want.

No. Nope. Non. Nein. нет. όχι. 番号. 아니. 没有.

He doesn't get boyfriend perks as a friend.

Quote

I agreed but soon realized he was "talking" to other girls. Once I became aware of this, I cried and we had a huge fight in his car. He yelled "WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!"

FRIENDS DON'T "DO ALL THE OTHER THINGS A COUPLE DOES LIKE CUDDLE, ETC."

Quote

I am so hurt because for 4 months he was telling me he was falling deeply in love with me, literally sending me paragraphs through text about how amazing he thought I was and how I was the greatest thing in his life & hes so lucky to have me. I mean I met his entire friend circle and his family, we spent every weekend together - then he gets cold feet & is seeing someone else now. I am beyond confused, as if the past 4 months meant nothing to him? Pls help, I need clarity and advice on this situation.

Rebound and love bombing is what happened here.  He had no business getting into another relationship so quickly on the heels of his last one breaking up. He basically used you to get over that relationship and springboarded off your head into this new one.  Seems he monkey-branches a bit too much instead of being by himself and getting to a place where he's ready to be in the relationship he's leading the girl to believe he wants to be in.

The fastest route to clarity is to go NC--block him and move on.  He's just a clown who was playing you. 

[Gemini3]

He was texting her right next to me the last time I hung out with him and I had no idea. He was constantly on his phone that day talking to her. I feel so replaced. Hes probably telling her he wants take things slow or maybe not, maybe hes jumping head first into it like he did with me. It hurts so much. Its already been a few weeks so I know they are likely together and still seeing each other. I did block him. Do you think it will work out with this new girl?

 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 minutes ago, Gemini3 said:

He was texting her right next to me the last time I hung out with him and I had no idea. He was constantly on his phone that day talking to her. I feel so replaced. Hes probably telling her he wants take things slow or maybe not, maybe hes jumping head first into it like he did with me. It hurts so much. Its already been a few weeks so I know they are likely together and still seeing each other. I did block him. Do you think it will work out with this new girl?

 

We can't being to guess. Maybe, maybe not. 

But even if it doesn't? That changes nothing for you. He was still shopping for other options, and doesn't have the feelings for you that would be necessary to have a relationship. That' why we should never stick around if a man calls off a relationship but offers FWB - that means we're just the filler until he finds someone he does want to date. 

Keep him blocked. You need to heal so you can move on. This was a dead-end, Gemini. 

[ExpatInItaly]

Double-post, oops. 

Edited September 13, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[kendahke]

24 minutes ago, Gemini3 said:

He was texting her right next to me the last time I hung out with him and I had no idea. He was constantly on his phone that day talking to her. I feel so replaced. Hes probably telling her he wants take things slow or maybe not, maybe hes jumping head first into it like he did with me. It hurts so much. Its already been a few weeks so I know they are likely together and still seeing each other. I did block him. Do you think it will work out with this new girl?

 

it might... it might not... but it's not your concern. He's free to do what he wants to do now. You need to move on from this.

She may not let him get away with love bombing and filling her head with a bunch of nonsense. She also might not be desperate for a relationship with him so he may not get in that far to do any real damage to her esteem.

Edited September 13, 2020 by kendahke