I feel like just giving up on myself.

[Azincourt]

Quote

I agree and disagree. Most decent men post cute photos and stuff. But he does it in a way where he’s basically “simping” and is pretty much “whipped” (like putting pics with her as all his profiles, only mentioning her in his bios, unfollowing other women and I’m pretty sure he deleted non-relationship photos, he’s on private this is what I’ve only seen via public info) and I do think that’s why everyone including myself glorified him as a partner and his relationship. 

Why are you using terms of expression young men who watch League of Legends streamers use?

I've never seen or heard a woman say simping or simp. That's what young men who are socially marginalized say when they see a guy make an effort to make a woman's day better.

The guy is not ''simping'' and the guy's not the best thing to come to earth since the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs giving our ancestors the opportunity ot show up.  He's just a guy. He's hot. Alright, and? There's plenty of hot men around. He has a good job. Lots of men with good jobs. He treats his girlfriend well, he 'simps' for her. Millions of men do. My dad been simping for my mother for the last 40 years. I guess you'd build him a monument if you saw how much he adores my mother?

[Azincourt]

2 minutes ago, xoxobby_25 said:

One more note.

I have never felt the need to rush getting into a relationship. It’s just the pressure of all my friends getting into one + his gf’s friend publicly commenting, telling me to “move on because he don’t want me” + all the girls that also use to date him or he used to like getting into one. 
 

 

What pressure would that be?

Are your friends forcing you to find a boyfriend? Do they tell you they will only spend time with you if you bring a boyfriend with you? Are you being ejected from the social grup because you don't have a boyfriend?

If all your friends suddenly announced a pregnancy would you also get pregnant to fit in?

yeah,  you might be creeping out that guy and his girlfriend if his girlfriend is writing on the guy's facebook wall for you to stay away from them because he's not interested. Take the hint, I guess?

 

[xoxobby_25]

1 minute ago, Azincourt said:

Why are you using terms of expression young men who watch League of Legends streamers use?

I've never seen or heard a woman say simping or simp. That's what young men who are socially marginalized say when they see a guy make an effort to make a woman's day better.

The guy is not ''simping'' and the guy's not the best thing to come to earth since the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs giving our ancestors the opportunity ot show up.  He's just a guy. He's hot. Alright, and? There's plenty of hot men around. He has a good job. Lots of men with good jobs. He treats his girlfriend well, he 'simps' for her. Millions of men do. My dad been simping for my mother for the last 40 years. I guess you'd build him a monument if you saw how much he adores my mother?

It’s just language I find from the internet, I’m no gamer 😂 simp is a popular word nowadays. Maybe simp is not the right word, but I’ve just never seen a guy so openly obsessed with his partner. I don’t think even he has been like this in the past either. 

My parents have been married for almost 21 years. I don’t idolise my parents relationship as although my dad is very good to my mum and people like my grandma love my dad because of how good he is, I don’t see their relationship as “goals” or anything. 
 

[Azincourt]

1 minute ago, xoxobby_25 said:

It’s just language I find from the internet, I’m no gamer 😂 simp is a popular word nowadays. Maybe simp is not the right word, but I’ve just never seen a guy so openly obsessed with his partner. I don’t think even he has been like this in the past either. 

My parents have been married for almost 21 years. I don’t idolise my parents relationship as although my dad is very good to my mum and people like my grandma love my dad because of how good he is, I don’t see their relationship as “goals” or anything. 
 

Simp is a word used by rappers back in the 80s to describe men who would do anything and pay anything for the chance to sleep with a woman in particular, and yet despite all of their effort and money spent, they would still fail to get what they wanted. That carpenter guy ain't  simping .

You're 19. You haven't seen many relationships to start with.  I've been alive for a lot longer than you. I've seen tens of thousands of relationships and couples.  A man doing something good and positive and sweet is not out of this world. It's the standard that most women have for a guy to date them. He has to actually care for them.  This guy ain't getting a Nobel Prize for best boyfriend of the year.

[xoxobby_25]

13 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

What pressure would that be?

Are your friends forcing you to find a boyfriend? Do they tell you they will only spend time with you if you bring a boyfriend with you? Are you being ejected from the social grup because you don't have a boyfriend?

If all your friends suddenly announced a pregnancy would you also get pregnant to fit in?

yeah,  you might be creeping out that guy and his girlfriend if his girlfriend is writing on the guy's facebook wall for you to stay away from them because he's not interested. Take the hint, I guess?

 

Well it’s hard to hang out with my friends because they are all “busy” with their boyfriends and I’m starting to feel lonely now. Like there’s one specific friend who can only hang out at “certain times” and one time forced me to third wheel with her which made me uncomfortable. I can’t stand her boyfriend either (but that’s a different story). I find a lot of my friends and people my age are in crap relationships. Hence why I see his relationship as ultimate “goals”.
 

I also talk about this in previous posts and I take full responsibility of what happened. But basically I made implicit TikToks about him and how he treated me which had ended up becoming popular. His gf’s FRIEND kept attacking me on them (she obviously knew how insane I had gotten over him somehow) and started commenting how he’s a guy in a “loving and committed relationship” “sis move on...he don’t want you”. 
 

I didn’t get out of the house for weeks as I realised the extent of how obsessed I became with him. I’m in heaps regret. I tried to formally apologise for things I had done before this incident happened but he changed his number (assuming because of an incident I had with him since I don’t recall he’s ever changed his number). I know he will never forgive me or has probably forgotten about everything. But I learnt my lesson. I made myself look like a sad, single, loser. And I let him win and be even more adored by people, despite the fact he also wasn’t innocent. 

Edited September 14, 2020 by xoxobby_25

[Azincourt]

2 minutes ago, xoxobby_25 said:

Well it’s hard to hang out with my friends because they are all “busy” with their boyfriends and I’m starting to feel lonely now. Like there’s one specific friend who can only hang out at “certain times” and one time forced me to third wheel with her which made me uncomfortable. I can’t stand her boyfriend either (but that’s a different story). I find a lot of my friends and people my age are in crap relationships. Hence why I see his relationship as ultimate “goals”.
 

I also talk about this in previous posts and I take full responsibility of what happened. But basically I made implicit TikToks about him and how he treated me which had ended up becoming popular. His gf’s FRIEND kept attacking me on them (she obviously knew how insane I had gotten over him somehow) and started commenting how he’s a guy in a “loving and committed relationship” “sis move on...he don’t want you”. 
 

I didn’t get out of the house for weeks as I realised the extent of how obsessed I became with him. I’m in heaps regret. I tried to formally apologise for things I had done before this incident happened but he changed his number (assuming because of an incident I had with him since I don’t recall he’s ever changed his number). I know he will never forgive me or has probably forgotten about everything. But I learnt my lesson. I made myself look like a sad, single, loser. And I let him win and be even more adored by people, despite the fact he also wasn’t innocent. 

the ultimate goals you should have should  be to finish college, get a good job, save money, get the downpayment for a house,  buy a house, work on your career and on yourself, find a boyfriend if that's what you want, and enjoy a long and productive life. Watching and wishing for what other people have in their relationships is a waste of time. Everyone's different. 

damage control. Don't interact with his girlfriend or with him anymore. You're not going to get over a guy if you surround yourself with things like stalking his profile, talking to his girlfriend, because you need to make a clean get away from all of that drama. 

Read books. Play video games. Watch movies. Learn how to crochet, I duno.

Don't call yourself a loser. You're an adult.  No one's perfect and no one is expecting you to be perfect. Man, I bet my father bench presses more than this kid at the gym. Who cares about that guy,  enjoy your life and forget about someone who is already in a relationship.

[Datingdisabled]

On 9/12/2020 at 11:08 AM, Azincourt said:

Yeah, that's a classic sympton of depression. Plus she doesn't want to take care of herself anymore, meaning she doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to shower, doesn't want to brush her teeth, doesn't want to put on clean clothes, and doesn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone.

Complaining is a waste of time. Unless you're Jeff Bezos ex-wife and you can complain your way into a 60 billion dollars payout, I'm going to go ahead and say what you should be looking for is not a boyfriend, but a specialized doctor to listen to you, help you out, and get yourself back on your feet!

People who jump on opportunities to attack someone else have issues. Who cares if he is in a loving relationship and she adores him and he adores you. He has a right to have that. The key is that anyone who attacked you has issues with themselves to feel the need to spend time commenting on your videos rudely. It doesn't matter what they think of you, social humiliation does Infact happen and people get over it a lot sooner then you think. These people feeding off your obsession will need something else to validate themselves pretty quick. I had a poster take a crack me at me a few times but it doesn't affect me personally.

Edited September 14, 2020 by Datingdisabled

[Azincourt]

1 minute ago, Datingdisabled said:

People who jump on opportunities to attack someone else have issues. Who cares if he is in a living relationship and she adores him and he adores you. He has a right to have that. The key is that anyone who attacked you has issues with themselves to feel the need to spend time commenting on your videos rudely. It doesn't matter what they think of you, social humiliation does Infact happen and people get over it a lot sooner then you think. These people feeding off your obsession will need something else to validate themselves pretty quick. 

Yeah, and she won't get rid of this fixation on him if she keeps spending all of her time online stlking his social media. Social media is a poison to the young people who were born literally with an android phone on their hands.  Delete your social media, go enjoy your youth while it lasts, because it doesn't last long .I've been there. Would give a billion dollars if I had 2 billions of dollars to be 19 years old again. You don't know how lucky you are, but you can always change your life for the better, OP.

[xoxobby_25]

9 hours ago, Datingdisabled said:

People who jump on opportunities to attack someone else have issues. Who cares if he is in a loving relationship and she adores him and he adores you. He has a right to have that. The key is that anyone who attacked you has issues with themselves to feel the need to spend time commenting on your videos rudely. It doesn't matter what they think of you, social humiliation does Infact happen and people get over it a lot sooner then you think. These people feeding off your obsession will need something else to validate themselves pretty quick. I had a poster take a crack me at me a few times but it doesn't affect me personally.

Well the attack was my fault because of how obsessive I became. Obviously the friend knew  about it because of him and his gf telling them what was happening. The comment made by the friend got lots of like and support, it was humiliating. He has talked badly about me to other people, which I deserve.

Like he deserves to be love and she was obviously the luckiest girl in the world to give that to him and for him to reciprocate that. I was only the girl he saw for 3 Friday/Saturday nights. I just hope I can be attracted to someone again like I was attracted to him, when I think about him he’s a dream, gorgeous hair, gorgeous eyes. I can’t believe a guy like him exists. Not to mention he lives near my dream area so I thought it would be the ticket to live there and go there often. But I’m working on saving for a place there myself. It will probably be a while and I need to work on myself. But when I find that person it will be worth it, hopefully

Edited September 15, 2020 by xoxobby_25

[xoxobby_25]

9 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Yeah, and she won't get rid of this fixation on him if she keeps spending all of her time online stlking his social media. Social media is a poison to the young people who were born literally with an android phone on their hands.  Delete your social media, go enjoy your youth while it lasts, because it doesn't last long .I've been there. Would give a billion dollars if I had 2 billions of dollars to be 19 years old again. You don't know how lucky you are, but you can always change your life for the better, OP.

*iphone Android sucks 😂

Idk if I’ve mentioned this but I have been clean of stalking both their Instagram and Facebook since the incident. It’s been over 2 months (since July 13th when the incident happened) they’ve blocked me on everything and vice versa, he’s changed his number so I can’t contact and I don’t want to anyway, even the friend blocked me. I have no intention of stalking his page. I am blocked and was humiliated by all their “shippers” (people who adore them as individuals and their relationship. It’s freeing actually not knowing what they are doing.

The problem is that I still get thoughts about what I’ve ALREADY seen. Thoughts that I’m not good enough. Thoughts I’ll never have someone like him (or someone at all) the idea of relationships and liking someone gives me anxiety atm, especially the thought that they may not be like him in any sort of way. I have put myself out there via dating apps but no luck. 

[DarrenB]

23 minutes ago, xoxobby_25 said:

The problem is that I still get thoughts about what I’ve ALREADY seen. Thoughts that I’m not good enough. Thoughts I’ll never have someone like him (or someone at all) the idea of relationships and liking someone gives me anxiety atm, especially the thought that they may not be like him in any sort of way. I have put myself out there via dating apps but no luck. 

Perhaps you're just trying too hard, it's appearing like that anyway.

Are you sure dating is really what you need right now? have you considered occupying your daily routine with different activities?

[Azincourt]

43 minutes ago, xoxobby_25 said:

Well the attack was my fault because of how obsessive I became. Obviously the friend knew  about it because of him and his gf telling them what was happening. The comment made by the friend got lots of like and support, it was humiliating. He has talked badly about me to other people, which I deserve.

Like he deserves to be love and she was obviously the luckiest girl in the world to give that to him and for him to reciprocate that. I was only the girl he saw for 3 Friday/Saturday nights. I just hope I can be attracted to someone again like I was attracted to him, when I think about him he’s a dream, gorgeous hair, gorgeous eyes. I can’t believe a guy like him exists. Not to mention he lives near my dream area so I thought it would be the ticket to live there and go there often. But I’m working on saving for a place there myself. It will probably be a while and I need to work on myself. But when I find that person it will be worth it, hopefully

The guy spent 3 nights with you?

I thought this was just a make-out session and now you spent 3 nights with him? Doing what? Playing scrabble?

Listen, you aren't ruined. It's not like you are never going to feel attraction for any guy ever just because this guy touched you. You can't believe a guy like him exists? Do you have a television set? Turn it on and channel surf until you stumble onto 'Home And Away'. Have fun.

Yes, work on yourself, that's what's important here, and everything else will fall into place eventually.

Quote

The problem is that I still get thoughts about what I’ve ALREADY seen. Thoughts that I’m not good enough. Thoughts I’ll never have someone like him (or someone at all) the idea of relationships and liking someone gives me anxiety atm, especially the thought that they may not be like him in any sort of way. I have put myself out there via dating apps but no luck. 

You don't think beautiful women get rejected? I have friends of mine who are gorgeous and they are rejected all the time by men, and some of these women are even married to men with average looks and average incomes. There's far more to a good relationship than how good a guy's abs look when he's shirtless and sawing away a log to build you a tree house where you can be your very own Disney Princess.

A guy being hot doesn't mean much because there are far more variables that exist within a good relationship, or do you think you're gonna be having sex with the guy 24/7?

You still have to spend time with him. You still have to interact with his parents. You still have to find common goals and life-objectives. You have to have common interests, and you actually have to enjoy being near a boyfriend when he's sick, ill, broke, sad, and he ain't be looking like a  calendar firefighter.

Quote

Idk if I’ve mentioned this but I have been clean of stalking both their Instagram and Facebook since the incident. It’s been over 2 months (since July 13th when the incident happened) they’ve blocked me on everything and vice versa, he’s changed his number so I can’t contact and I don’t want to anyway, even the friend blocked me. I have no intention of stalking his page. I am blocked and was humiliated by all their “shippers” (people who adore them as individuals and their relationship. It’s freeing actually not knowing what they are doing.

Quote

 

Yeah... keep on not stalking the guy. That's called improvement. Keep it up.

 

Edited September 15, 2020 by Azincourt

[xoxobby_25]

13 hours ago, DarrenB said:

Perhaps you're just trying too hard, it's appearing like that anyway.

Are you sure dating is really what you need right now? have you considered occupying your daily routine with different activities?

I know I probably am. Just want what I got from this person when we met in the beginning since it felt so amazing, so unreal. I just can’t help but compare, it’s to the point I do it subconsciously. That’s why I feel I’ll never find someone because they will “never be good enough”. Which is unfair to the other person and myself. My therapist thinks there are plenty of guys like the one I talk about and although I try to, it’s hard to believe her. 

I study and I work. Life just seems pretty boring. Most of my friends are either busy with work or with their relationships. I haven’t really managed to find anything I enjoy personally.

 

Edited September 15, 2020 by xoxobby_25

[xoxobby_25]

13 hours ago, Azincourt said:

The guy spent 3 nights with you?

I thought this was just a make-out session and now you spent 3 nights with him? Doing what? Playing scrabble?

No like we met up twice. On a Friday and Saturday night for our dates. Then I saw him at a club one Saturday night months later. That’s the last time I saw him.

13 hours ago, Azincourt said:

A guy being hot doesn't mean much because there are far more variables that exist within a good relationship, or do you think you're gonna be having sex with the guy 24/7?

I know this. I do need to be physically and sexually attracted to someone before I pursue other things. The guy I talk about isn’t just amazing because of his looks (although he is stunning). He was just different to other guys my age, he was raised in a Christian family so he has different morals from most other guys, but he’s not that overly religious weirdo if you get what I mean.

I am aware of the fact that I have to be with a person no matter what. And when I like the person enough I will I was willing to be there for that guy when he was going through things and he was there for me when I started therapy (he told me “he would always care about me”). He’s beyond looks, even when his current girlfriend’s grandma died he was there for her (according to one of her captions where he was there for her during tough times). He’s got great morals.

I just hope I can find someone similar, thank you for your kind words

 

 

Edited September 15, 2020 by xoxobby_25

[DarrenB]

8 minutes ago, xoxobby_25 said:

I know I probably am. Just want what I got from this person when we met in the beginning since it felt so amazing, so unreal. I just can’t help but compare, it’s to the point I do it subconsciously. That’s why I feel I’ll never find someone because they will “never be good enough”. Which is unfair to the other person and myself. My therapist thinks there are plenty of guys like the one I talk about and although I try to, it’s hard to believe her. 

I study and I work. Life just seems pretty boring. Most of my friends are either busy with work or with their relationships. I haven’t really managed to find anything I enjoy personally.

 

There is someone out there for everyone, really. Perception is key - had you known him for longer he could well have possibly changed his personality completely. Like I say, the way people appear online isn't always reflective of their genuine lifestyle in reality. After all, ultimately he's the one who has contributed a fair amount to your continuous downcast state, therefore he's nothing special. Someone who is worthy of your time and effort are never the cause of your downfall, regardless of the way you acted in the process... contribution is contribution.

I get that life seems pretty stale right now, but it's what I like to call the grinding fundamentals coming into your 20's. Anything and everything you do will either have a benefit or a disadvantage to your future career, relationships and general state in life. The period of 17-20 was abysmal for myself, but through trial and error, going through certain tribulations it's molded me into the character I am today. The same goes for you, as it does everyone - it's your decisions and judgments that matter, not anyone elses.

When it comes to personal activities, honestly broaden your horizon. During lockdown I had my own period of melancholy, so I took the initiative and traveled to Scotland and rented out a lodge, got in touch with nature, and did I really spend 5 days trekking the highlands and freshwaters of Loch Ness in search of The Loch Ness monster? as sad as it sounds... yes I did, I had a blast. So to conclude, whether it be completely new activities you never would have expected to try, never write it off as it may just better your mental and emotional state.

[xoxobby_25]

On 9/16/2020 at 8:34 AM, DarrenB said:

Like I say, the way people appear online isn't always reflective of their genuine lifestyle in reality. After all, ultimately he's the one who has contributed a fair amount to your continuous downcast state, therefore he's nothing special. Someone who is worthy of your time and effort are never the cause of your downfall, regardless of the way you acted in the process... contribution is contribution.

It was a hard time. He knew about my mental health issues and how hurt I was but he didn’t care. He just blocked me and told my friend I was “twisting s***” earlier on like I was trash. For instance he blocked me but then unblocked me and when I was congratulating him on his relationship and hoping he was well he well and apologising for all I had done to him and he responded “thank you for saying that but in the nicest way possible please stop requesting my girlfriend and her friends (because I requested one friend who has heaps of mutual with me and I liked her posts). He blocked me after that again (my fault because I said he could block me if he wanted to) Even when we were talking or whatever I was never appreciated by him. I always apologised if I did something wrong, even if he contributed.

Obviously no one would ever believe me because I went crazy. And because he’s the “perfect boyfriend” (posting relationship goals profile pictures on Facebook, being really faithful and giving every chance he got to show off this relationship including a Spotify playlist and social media bio and fb official status). Social media is just social media but I read a study that those who posted couple photos as profile pictures are actually satisfied in their relationship. Most of my friends tell me about their relationship problems and all I can think is that they wouldn’t have these problems if their boyfriends were more like this person. Although he wasn’t the best to me (and probably other girls) he became this unreal boyfriend to this person and set my expectations higher than they probably should of been. 

I can’t help but think about what they are doing when it’s a nice Sunday or weekend, weekday or even public holiday afternoon outside and I’m bored at work. I can think of how sexy he’d be without a shirt and her and him having sex by his swimming pool or spending time at the beach (she’d show him off shirtless at the beach and he is the guy to never post those pics). We never had the chance to spend a summer together like they did. Every guy I meet I have to make sure he’s an “upgrade” because it’s obvious he “upgraded” from me (a super wealthy, popular girl who goes travelling a lot) and I do think it’s really hard because he’s just so down to earth not like the other immature guys my age. 

I just try to distract myself from my thoughts and so far I’m trying to be more social and less isolated. I try to improve on my appearance and personality. Even the comments her friend sent me I try to forget them even if it’s so hard because they contributed to my downfall big time. It’s all slowly but surely