Datingdisabled Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 (edited) I was in a pretty bad place emotionally as you all know. One poster in particular, you know who you are, gives me butterflies when his photo comes up that he posted. Is this normal? Thanks Edit: I don't think he feels the same way and it's hurting me. I just don't know why "they met on a forum" can't happen to me. Edited September 12, 2020 by Datingdisabled 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 Thank you (((blush))) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 "They met on a forum" can certainly happen. While I am married and deliberately avoid possible romance, I have made friends from forums. However, the caveat I have is that I need to see consistent posting for months - if not years - before I would venture into any type of real friendship (or relationship if I was single). Some things can't be rushed. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: I was in a pretty bad place emotionally as you all know. One poster in particular, you know who you are, gives me butterflies when his photo comes up that he posted. Is this normal? Thanks Edit: I don't think he feels the same way and it's hurting me. I just don't know why "they met on a forum" can't happen to me. Well if the feeling is mutual why not explore it a bit? Just use the standard cautions that are applied with internet dating. Maybe even be a little more cautious, definitely don't send money. But get to know them and see if it conversations can lead to more? I have built some friendships with people from forums (no romance). Edited September 12, 2020 by Dork Vader 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 (edited) Mmmmhmmm nothing says it can't happen. But some people love the anonymity of LS and it is important to respect that. I had an ex find me here once and it felt invasive even though I had made zero attempts to hide the fact that I post here. Edited September 12, 2020 by Mrin 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 Haaa yeah , ex found me in a forum too , that's why l rarely mention location or too a specific detail. lronically we did actually meet in a divorce forum we were both in while going through it ourselves , there ya go way too specific again right there damn it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 (edited) I wouldn't say it's abnormal because forums are a typical hotspot for building and developing friendships, however as it goes for remaining anonymous it is essential to people's privacy and boundaries. If you feel a particular way, drop them a DM - it might ease your anxiety. Edited September 12, 2020 by DarrenB Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 Personally, I'd only send a message to them if the flirting is being matched. Anything else is going to end in disappointment. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 12, 2020 Share Posted September 12, 2020 Darn, I think some of us were hoping to witness a love connection unfold. Boo hoo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 2 hours ago, basil67 said: "They met on a forum" can certainly happen. While I am married and deliberately avoid possible romance, I have made friends from forums. However, the caveat I have is that I need to see consistent posting for months - if not years - before I would venture into any type of real friendship (or relationship if I was single). Some things can't be rushed. Ive been on other live advice forums over the last 25 years. I met some prople through those. Not that I was looking to. It just came out thruough private messsge correspondence. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 6 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: I was in a pretty bad place emotionally as you all know. One poster in particular, you know who you are, gives me butterflies when his photo comes up that he posted. Is this normal? Thanks Edit: I don't think he feels the same way and it's hurting me. I just don't know why "they met on a forum" can't happen to me. It's cute that you have a crush. I have one too. It doesn't hurt though. That's bad that it hurts. I'm sorry you're going through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 2 hours ago, basil67 said: Personally, I'd only send a message to them if the flirting is being matched. Anything else is going to end in disappointment. Definitely! Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 It's perfectly okay, but you have to invite me to the wedding! 😉 3 Link to post Share on other sites
QuietRiot Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 11 hours ago, basil67 said: "They met on a forum" can certainly happen. While I am married and deliberately avoid possible romance, I have made friends from forums. However, the caveat I have is that I need to see consistent posting for months - if not years - before I would venture into any type of real friendship (or relationship if I was single). Some things can't be rushed. I thought meeting on a message board was more of a 90s thing. lol Anyways, why would you want to when chances are they are likely far away from you? Plus there is a degree of anonymity that some prefer to keep. There was a time where there were few people on a message board, and there were a few living in the same state. Like 5 or 6. The closest one to me was a woman, attractive geek girl, too. (into gaming and such). We talked about all getting together to hang out...but she didn't want to do it because it was all men, and one woman (her). She would only do it if another woman came along...so...there went that. I tried asking to meet with her just me and her, so she still wouldn't do it. I conversed with a guy that was traveling to her city (not because of her, but because he just liked going there ...tourist)...she wouldn't meet with him either. That's the deal with message boards, some people prefer their anonymity...and won't go beyond here whatsoever. In fact, they'd rather stick to dating sites as message boards are a different animal to them. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, QuietRiot said: Anyways, why would you want to when chances are they are likely far away from you? Plus there is a degree of anonymity that some prefer to keep. You're leaping ahead here. Because it's a chat board, we usually know which country a poster is in. If I got chatting with someone who was in my country and a spark developed and he lived in my city, I'd give it a try. But I wouldn't enter into any crushes or romance without first ascertaining their proximity. If someone wants to keep their anonymity, then I probably wouldn't get that close to them in the first place so it's a moot point. Also, writing off an opportunity because it's a '90's' thing is just denying yourself an opportunity. I met my husband because we were set up. Being set up has never been fashionable, but yet, here we are. Edited September 13, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 16 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: I was in a pretty bad place emotionally as you all know. One poster in particular, you know who you are, gives me butterflies when his photo comes up that he posted. Is this normal? Thanks Edit: I don't think he feels the same way and it's hurting me. I just don't know why "they met on a forum" can't happen to me. It's perfectly okay and normal to have a crush on someone. But if a person is gonna go public with it, they need to be careful about how they express themselves because they can make the forum an uncomfortable place for their crush. I remember a situation where someone said he had a crush on me and his friends tried to push me to "give him a chance." And because I didn't feel the same way I became the bad guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 18 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: I don't think he feels the same way and it's hurting me. HE could be a SHE or gay or dating or happily married, or a confirmed bachelor or just not interested in meeting anyone from an anonymous forum. Also he may be highly embarrassed about being singled out publicly. A PM message may have answered some of those questions before you got so invested. 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 Exactly , you want some pretty good proofs and pictures before you get too carried away. Anyway op , you weren't exactly subtle about it he'd have to be deaf dumb and blind so if you didn't hear back from him nope , l'm afraid it's not good news. That's if he is even actually a him , or not keyboard worrier living with his parents . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Datingdisabled Posted September 13, 2020 Author Share Posted September 13, 2020 I have a crush on one very wise man too. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: I have a crush on one very wise man too. I think it's safe to say we (and he) know who you're referring to. It may be better to keep identifying details to yourself, though. If he is unresponsive to private messages, for example, it's best to just lay low. 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 I don't know if it's "normal" per se; that being said, you really don't know much about people on this site, and I would be wary about making any romantic connections on a board for people seeking relationship advice. That's an extra level of potential drama on top of what's already a very uncertain situation. You don't know what someone looks like, where they live, if they are who they say they are, etc. And as others have said, if you suspect they don't reciprocate, just let it go. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 Believe it or not, I met my husband on a forum. I do think it's possible to develop innocent crushes, too. Remember, though, you're only seeing one side of the person. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 Crushes happen but I don't think it's wise that you pursue it @Datingdisabled You are still working through things with the guy who tormented you for so long. IMO you are not fully through that & healed but you are making tremendous problems for which I applaud you. Especially since you say you are not sure that this crush feels the same way about you, I fear that you may be projecting, mistaking kindness & compassion for romantic interest. I get the sense that you don't read men all that well & that you inflate the other person's level of interest so I advocate caution here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 I agree with d0nnivain. Its not wise to pursue crushes with complete strangers online. They are likely married or involved with someone. You're not emotionally stable right now due to this other guy you posted about. You admitted that your head was messed up and that you're not in a good place because of him but you also refuse to help yourself out of it. The only person you need to focus on right now is you. Not crushes or any man for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2020 Share Posted September 14, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, d0nnivain said: you are making tremendous problems for which I applaud you. I was multi-tasking this morning. Oooops. That should say tremendous PROGRESS not problems. Sorry. Edited September 14, 2020 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
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