laurastella Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 Well, it is not some big problem, but I am still curious what other people think. I fell for a guy who said for himself that he is a narcissist and cannot fall in love (he did not said that directly to me, but he often mentions that). I knew that before, but I was stupid enough to fall for him after he chased me with compliments and was giving me attention. I become too needy for seeking his attention. Then he took a step back. Maybe than he started to be reserved towards me. I realized quite quickly that I made a stupid mistake and also took a step back. I even left that place for some time and did not have any contact with him. Since I missed other people in that place, after some time I returned. He was still reserved. I did not pay much attention to him, did not initiate communication and did not give him compliments. After some time I started dating a special person. Everybody knew about that, including him. He is still reserved. I don’t like the vibe when people are reserved to me. I do not like to receive that kind of energy. My question is do you have a clue why he is reserved and can I change that somehow? I was sure that he is probably afraid that I will fell for him again and become needy. I know I would not do that again. I learn on my mistakes. Now when I even have a boyfriend and I did not give him attention for a long time, I am not sure anymore why he is still reserved. Have you been in a similar situation? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 Here’s a life lesson for you - you only control yourself. You will never control the behavior of another person, you would be wise not to waste your time trying to change this man. The beautiful thing about this world is, there are enough people in this world that you can surround yourself with people who love you and want to be in your life. Stop wasting your time on someone who doesn’t... Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted September 13, 2020 Share Posted September 13, 2020 Why bother with this person at all? You are obviously not happy with reserved personalities. Who knows why he's reserved, it's probably his personality. If he wasn't reserved before and now he is, well it's quite obvious he no longer wants any kind of relationship with you. Why do you even care, now that you are dating someone special? Forget about this guy & put your energy into the new guy in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 (edited) I think you felt invalidated by him/his rejection so you are seeking his approval now to compensate for the pain of rejection. If he's a narcissist, you will never ever get approval from him...they aren't wired that way. Instead, shift your focus to why you feel you need his approval? Don't you think you are good enough without it? This is more about a defect within him than within you so shift your paradigm. And enjoy your current boyfriend! Had this narcissist not rejected you, you wouldn't have this boyfriend to enjoy! Count your blessings! Edited September 18, 2020 by HadMeOverABarrel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 For some people it's all about the chase. Once they've got wherever they wanted they lose all interest and see no point in pretending otherwise. This man sounds like one of them, he got what he wanted from you and that's it. There are other explanations such as he realised he simply doesn't like you as much as you thought or since you're posting in the OW forum he's married and got caught (or less likely realised it was wrong). Anyway this man is occupying top 5 much headspace for someone who is supposedly dating somebody special. Just move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Why would he be anything but reserved when he knows you have a boyfriend? And more important, why do you care when you are in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author laurastella Posted September 20, 2020 Author Share Posted September 20, 2020 Thank you all for your answers! You all seems so right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laurastella Posted September 20, 2020 Author Share Posted September 20, 2020 I still don’t know the answer, but I should not be that curious. “Reserved” and “not interested” are not the same thing. There are a lot of people who are not interested in me romantically, but they are not reserved. They react to me with “an open heart”. They are not hesitant to comment some things that I know this guy will not comment. I understand that there are men who lose interest after they got what they wanted. In mind opinion, there is no need to be reserved after that. They can be like all other not interested people, but as you said I cannot control anybody. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 9 minutes ago, carmenopet said: I understand that there are men who lose interest after they got what they wanted. In mind opinion, there is no need to be reserved after that. They can be like all other not interested people, but as you said I cannot control anybody. I would instead turn the focus on why you want this man to be more open to you. What benefit does that serve you, especially when you have a boyfriend? Are you unhappy in your relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 I guess the new bf is not really who you really want. You want this other man, the one who rejected you. You need him to think well of you to restore your ego and self esteem. Your current bf may love you to hell and back but his love is easy and you will take it for granted. This other guy's love and approval is not so easily won, so you need it... Link to post Share on other sites
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