Moving in questions

[Kirsty-Nicole]

I've agreed to move in with my boyfriend. He owns his own place and has said he doesn't want mortgage contributions (We are in the UK) as he can afford it on his own and all the associated bills. He earns very good money. I earn good money too. I just want to contribute. I was thinking, because I am a coeliac I could offer to do the food shopping because the food costs will go up. and its not fair for him to cover that. I've not suggested that yet, but I don't want him thinking I don't want to contribute. 

This is going to sound utterly strange, I've never properly moved in to a partners before. Do you move your stuff in then move yourself in last or do you stay as you move in? 

My boyfriend has said I can have a room to myself to have as my space. Does he mean a room where I can escape to? or I'm now a lodger. I'm a bit confused.

How soon after moving in do you change your "legal" documents such as bank, driving license etc over?

 

[d0nnivain]

You need to ask him a lot of those Questions.  You absolutely need to clarify where  you will be sleeping.  Hopefully this "room to yourself" we be like your she shed / man cave or work from home office space which will be important with Covid & all.  

I would be uncomfortable having a BF pay for everything if I moved in to his house.  This will never be shared space for the two of you if it was his 1st & you aren't paying anything.  At the very least you need to pony up for 1/2 of all the utilities & groceries.  Otherwise at your 1st first fight he will shout something along the lines of this being "his house" because you don't contribute.   You also need to talk about house rules regarding guests & household chores.   That stuff causes fights.  

I moved into an apartment a BF already rented.  I moved my stuff in with movers on moving day.  I had a guy sort of slide into my life. . .he was just over all the time & never really left. I resented that.   When my husband moved into a house I already owned, we spent some weeks beforehand cleaning & rearranging my space to make room for him.  He came with movers & we moved in.  I think we did pay the movers to take my living room couch downstairs because we use his living couch & loveseat, plus my chairs & accent tables.  We also worked together to clean out is old place & sell off the stuff he wasn't bringing.  

[Kirsty-Nicole]

47 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You need to ask him a lot of those Questions.  You absolutely need to clarify where  you will be sleeping.  Hopefully this "room to yourself" we be like your she shed / man cave or work from home office space which will be important with Covid & all.  

I would be uncomfortable having a BF pay for everything if I moved in to his house.  This will never be shared space for the two of you if it was his 1st & you aren't paying anything.  At the very least you need to pony up for 1/2 of all the utilities & groceries.  Otherwise at your 1st first fight he will shout something along the lines of this being "his house" because you don't contribute.   You also need to talk about house rules regarding guests & household chores.   That stuff causes fights.  

I moved into an apartment a BF already rented.  I moved my stuff in with movers on moving day.  I had a guy sort of slide into my life. . .he was just over all the time & never really left. I resented that.   When my husband moved into a house I already owned, we spent some weeks beforehand cleaning & rearranging my space to make room for him.  He came with movers & we moved in.  I think we did pay the movers to take my living room couch downstairs because we use his living couch & loveseat, plus my chairs & accent tables.  We also worked together to clean out is old place & sell off the stuff he wasn't bringing.  

I had to ask him about sleeping arrangements and he said "same bed if thats what you want" which I do. I asked about the room, He said its a room that I can have a bit as an office or just whatever I want it to be as its my space. Which I think is really sweet.

I haven't got much stuff he said we can use his car.

As for splitting the bills. he has said the utilities and and mortgage he is covering. (I think the mortgage is more the mortgage company). He has said if I want to pay for council tax and food I can do but its not required in his eyes.

Just want to contribute more

[spiderowl]

Is this meant to be a temporary arrangement?  Looking at it cynically, it's his house and he is paying the mortgage and utilities.  Even if you pay council tax, it won't entitle you to anything if you happened to stay together for years and then split up.  I know when in love we don't think about these things.  We just want to be together.

If he decides the relationship is not working, he could just ask you to move out and you would have to.  It is worth considering what foundation you would like to your relationship.  Check the law to see what your rights are and then decide whether moving in is a good idea. 

I hope it all works out fantastic for you

[basil67]

1 hour ago, spiderowl said:

Looking at it cynically, it's his house and he is paying the mortgage and utilities.  Even if you pay council tax, it won't entitle you to anything if you happened to stay together for years and then split up. 

To be fair, if she's able to continue working, save and invest her own income as she pleases and not sink it into the house, she shouldn't be entitled to anything.    Of course, the dynamic would be different if they have children and she took on caring duties.

[spiderowl]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

To be fair, if she's able to continue working, save and invest her own income as she pleases and not sink it into the house, she shouldn't be entitled to anything.    Of course, the dynamic would be different if they have children and she took on caring duties.

Oh yes, I completely agree. I am just saying that although it is important to contribute, if a couple is not married and the house is in one person's name, then it doesn't matter how much she contributes, he could still suddenly decide he doesn't love her anymore and she would have to move out.  Sorry, I didn't express this properly at all.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

Of course you hope it lasts, but you need a plan in case it doesn't. If you're contributing a small amount toward taxes, I suggest agreeing up front that this is equivalent to rent that you won't get back if things don't work out - or at least being aware of that for yourself. Keeps everything clean and simple. 

Edited September 15, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[Kirsty-Nicole]

5 hours ago, spiderowl said:

Is this meant to be a temporary arrangement?  Looking at it cynically, it's his house and he is paying the mortgage and utilities.  Even if you pay council tax, it won't entitle you to anything if you happened to stay together for years and then split up.  I know when in love we don't think about these things.  We just want to be together.

If he decides the relationship is not working, he could just ask you to move out and you would have to.  It is worth considering what foundation you would like to your relationship.  Check the law to see what your rights are and then decide whether moving in is a good idea. 

I hope it all works out fantastic for you

Its a permanent basis. I've seen his mortgage agreement and it does say he cannot accept rent/contributions off anyone. If we wasn't married and we split under UK law I'd be entitled to nothing anyway. He has said when his mortgage interest deal ends if I still want to contribute I can go on to the mortgage and he can add me on from remortgage

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

To be fair, if she's able to continue working, save and invest her own income as she pleases and not sink it into the house, she shouldn't be entitled to anything.    Of course, the dynamic would be different if they have children and she took on caring duties.

I'll still be contributing in other ways until then. No kids in our relationship so far yet.

2 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Of course you hope it lasts, but you need a plan in case it doesn't. If you're contributing a small amount toward taxes, I suggest agreeing up front that this is equivalent to rent that you won't get back if things don't work out - or at least being aware of that for yourself. Keeps everything clean and simple. 

I understand anything I contribute until I have some legal status I'd never get back. Not that I'm thinking of rinsing him

[d0nnivain]

Granted I haven't read the mortgage but what you say makes zero sense.  The mortgage company wants to get paid.  That is all they care about.  They probably do not consider anyone else's assets or income when determining his credit worthiness but if you slip him money -- to him not the mortgage company -- the mortgage company is not going to ask the source of the funds when he pays.  They will credit his account  & move on.  For you to be added to the mortgage later would be him selling you part of his house.  That is waaaaay down the road & I wouldn't advise that absent marriage.  

If you lived on your own you wouldn't get the rent back when you moved out.  You would pay utilities.  So living with him rent free saves you money.  Be smart about it & bank what you had been paying in rent so you have funds later if you two part ways or you have money for a down payment on something bigger when the time comes.  Pay 1/2 the utilities.  You are still paying less then you would on your own.  

[Chilli]

6 hours ago, Kirsty-Nicole said:

Its a permanent basis. I've seen his mortgage agreement and it does say he cannot accept rent/contributions off anyone. If we wasn't married and we split under UK law I'd be entitled to nothing anyway. He has said when his mortgage interest deal ends if I still want to contribute I can go on to the mortgage and he can add me on from remortgage

I'll still be contributing in other ways until then. No kids in our relationship so far yet.

I understand anything I contribute until I have some legal status I'd never get back. Not that I'm thinking of rinsing him

 

Not  to mention the 1000s of dollars your saving not paying your own place.

 

 

[Kirsty-Nicole]

The mortgage company state about sub letting. We asked them and they said I'd be subletting technically. 

The woman at the mortgage company did say that if I was to pay in to a house/holiday fund. I wouldn't be subletting and that can be used for bills/whatever we wanted. He could use that to contribute to the mortgage. 

So we've both agreed to have an account I pay in to as I'm insistent at contributing. So he can use that for whatever he wants.