Toebone Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 Hi Out the blue, my girlfriend text me saying, "you are proud to say I'm your g.friend aren't you?" Bearing in mind for weeks we've been back and forth saying we love each other and couldn't be more proud to be together, I'm just asking is this an insecurity that she is carrying? As I'd feel the need to constantly keep making her feel validated? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 I'd probably respond with 'yes, of course'. And then I'd ask if I'm doing something which makes her feel like I'm not proud to be with her. Get to the bottom of it 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 2 hours ago, DM87 said: Hi Out the blue, my girlfriend text me saying, "you are proud to say I'm your g.friend aren't you?" Bearing in mind for weeks we've been back and forth saying we love each other and couldn't be more proud to be together, I'm just asking is this an insecurity that she is carrying? As I'd feel the need to constantly keep making her feel validated? Thanks I don't know if it's specifically an insecure person. There would need to be more going on than just that one statement. Yeah at the surface it's an insecure statement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 The level of compliments you are providing may not be adequate. Do you find yourself constantly offering "improvement" advice? Do you over explain things because you feel she will not understand? Make sure it's not something you are doing that is causing her to ask for reassurance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2020 Share Posted September 15, 2020 I'd answer her affirmatively & be reassuring. For now keep your eyes open & observe. Even a confident person can need a boost once in a while. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toebone Posted October 9, 2020 Author Share Posted October 9, 2020 Hi thanks for your feedback. I did reply with of course I am proud, proud as punch why ask such a question? Had no reply. But managed to speak in person about it and she mentioned something along the lines of, her saying this to me, "I post loads on Facebook about you and how much you mean to me and how much I love you.." it goes hand in hand with the previous comment. I told her I don't need to use Facebook to say I love you, I can do that in person and by my actions. That just said to me there's an insecurity there that she needs some social media validation, she needed me to post about her so all can see about her? Yeah it's nice to post things about each other from time to time as it's lovely, I don't feel the need to do it to fish for likes and comments as it were, this appears she does to me? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 Is she fishing to make it "FB official"? How long have you been dating? It sounds like she wants reassurance. This could be one of those "does this make me look fat?" type questions which you answered correctly with your reassurance. Why would she be insecure about your relationship in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 48 minutes ago, DM87 said: But managed to speak in person about it and she mentioned something along the lines of, her saying this to me, "I post loads on Facebook about you and how much you mean to me and how much I love you.." it goes hand in hand with the previous comment. I told her I don't need to use Facebook to say I love you, I can do that in person and by my actions. That just said to me there's an insecurity there that she needs some social media validation, she needed me to post about her so all can see about her? Yeah it's nice to post things about each other from time to time as it's lovely, I don't feel the need to do it to fish for likes and comments as it were, this appears she does to me? Man! Just reading that exhausts me. Sorry to be pessimistic, but I think you're fighting a losing battle. You and her are different in a way that matters. I don't know if you'll ultimately have what it takes to continue reassuring her as her need for social media affirmation grows and grows. But if the day comes when you realize it's all too much, rest assured you're normal. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 She is a bit insecure & thinks social media has more value then it does. So compromise. Do what you are doing IRL but every once in a while post something sweet on her page. It's a few seconds out of you life & brings her great joy. Even if you don't get it, because you like her why wouldn't you do something that she wants if it costs you nothing? Take selfies with her & post them. Tag her & check in when you are together. It's dumb but she needs the reassurance. Meanwhile work with her to help her better understand that RL actions mean so much more then FB. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 Too many guys keep their gfs and relationships off of FB so they keep their options open and can keep pretending they are single and chat up other women. Women know this, so want their SO to proclaim loud and proud that they are together and that he is NOT single... Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 How long have you two been dating/in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 5 hours ago, DM87 said: Hi thanks for your feedback. I did reply with of course I am proud, proud as punch why ask such a question? Had no reply. But managed to speak in person about it and she mentioned something along the lines of, her saying this to me, "I post loads on Facebook about you and how much you mean to me and how much I love you.." it goes hand in hand with the previous comment. I told her I don't need to use Facebook to say I love you, I can do that in person and by my actions. That just said to me there's an insecurity there that she needs some social media validation, she needed me to post about her so all can see about her? Yeah it's nice to post things about each other from time to time as it's lovely, I don't feel the need to do it to fish for likes and comments as it were, this appears she does to me? Thank you Is social media really important to your girlfriend? How long have you two been dating? This could boil down to an issue of social media incompatibility for you both. She uses it 24/7 whereas you rarely use your FB account. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: Too many guys keep their gfs and relationships off of FB so they keep their options open and can keep pretending they are single and chat up other women. Women know this, so want their SO to proclaim loud and proud that they are together and that he is NOT single... This is a rampant problem with social media platforms like FB and Insta and WhatsApp. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 5 hours ago, DM87 said: "I post loads on Facebook about you and how much you mean to me and how much I love you.." it goes hand in hand with the previous comment. I told her I don't need to use Facebook to say I love you, I can do that in person and by my actions. That just said to me there's an insecurity there that she needs some social media validation, she needed me to post about her so all can see about her? Social/social media validation is important to some women and your girlfriend is obviously one of them. It's why you see all these women posting pics of their flowers and presents on Valentine's Day, in a sort of competition. I'm sure some men have their version, too - showing off their new car, whatever. It's all an ego exercise that doesn't really mean anything. The effort to compete causes a lot of issues for people - even depression in the worst cases. I don't think it's a good idea to start posting pics and messages about your relationship unless you really want to. How actively a person uses their social media is their own personal choice. If you feel so inspired, you could post an occasional photo of the two of you. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 Effective LTRs require some compromises. Showing that you're together on social and posting an occasional update about how wonderful she is or what have you may be one you have to make in your particular case. Just like you, your partner has needs and strong preferences; completely disregarding them because "they don't really matter" is one way the seeds of the end of a relationship can get sown. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Watercolors said: social media incompatibility Great phrase 🤣 Definitely a sign of the times.🙈🙉🙊 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Great phrase 🤣 Definitely a sign of the times.🙈🙉🙊 🤣 Thanks Wiseman! It IS a sign of the times. I can't even get my siblings' children to respond to my phone calls anymore. But if I send them a DM in their Insta, or FaceTime or text them they'll respond asap. I see so many people bragging/boasting/exploiting their relationships and families' activities on social media because it's there. Some people feel more validated I think (?) by doing that, whereas others (oldschoolers) have a zero to minimum social media presence and are just fine with that. My favorite actor Bill Murray set up an 800-phone number instead of getting an agent and publicity team for himself when he was on SNL back in the 1970s. He didn't need all that public adoration to become the icon he is today. Even my cousins do that on their FB pages. It's insane. I'm uber private. All of my posts are from the pages I liked. I rarely if ever post anything personal on my FB page. Some of my FB friends are married but you'd never know it b/c their status doesn't say 'married' and they rarely post photos of them with their spouses. Should I worry that they are trolling for an affair? Meh. Who knows. It's just who they are maybe? Technology has forever changed the way people exchange and share information. We'll never have that time from our childhoods back, where our parents would dismiss us from the breakfast table and not expect to see us until the street lights turned on, and not worry about our whereabouts. Ah, those were simpler times. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 Yes, @Watercolors, and a lot of what you see on social media isn't even close to real. Did you know that Instagram "influencers" can now rent a private jet interior SET where they take "jet setting" photos? 🤣 This is how fake some of these people are. Has anyone seen "The Social Dilemma"? Plot summary: "Tech experts sound the alarm on the dangerous human impact of social networking." I've been thinking about getting a Netflix subscription for a month just to watch it. I already know this stuff, but I'm sure the movie is interesting. Critics says it's "sensationalist" - but that's a predictable response. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 2 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: Yes, @Watercolors, and a lot of what you see on social media isn't even close to real. Did you know that Instagram "influencers" can now rent a private jet interior SET where they take "jet setting" photos? 🤣 This is how fake some of these people are. Has anyone seen "The Social Dilemma"? Plot summary: "Tech experts sound the alarm on the dangerous human impact of social networking." I've been thinking about getting a Netflix subscription for a month just to watch it. I already know this stuff, but I'm sure the movie is interesting. Critics says it's "sensationalist" - but that's a predictable response. 🤣 Omg, so they "rent" a fake set of an expensive jet plane's interior to post on their Insta? How lame can you get! Eh-mah-gerd! So fake! Yowsa! Yes, I've seen that movie (and I'm addicted to my Netflix) and its fantastic. Get Netflix stat! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 11 hours ago, DM87 said: Hi thanks for your feedback. I did reply with of course I am proud, proud as punch why ask such a question? Had no reply. But managed to speak in person about it and she mentioned something along the lines of, her saying this to me, "I post loads on Facebook about you and how much you mean to me and how much I love you.." it goes hand in hand with the previous comment. I told her I don't need to use Facebook to say I love you, I can do that in person and by my actions. That just said to me there's an insecurity there that she needs some social media validation, she needed me to post about her so all can see about her? Yeah it's nice to post things about each other from time to time as it's lovely, I don't feel the need to do it to fish for likes and comments as it were, this appears she does to me? Are you looking for a reason to break up with her? Serious question. Link to post Share on other sites
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